Unexpected Retreat
Today’s post is by Karen Richter of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC
I am once again struck by the relevance of one of Carly’s blog posts. This time: Retreats – A Nourishing Investment
Cohesive Outcomes runs outdoor retreats – we spend time focusing on nature, the calmness it instills in our inner beings, which in turn allows us to reconnect with what is truly important to us, etc. So I obviously know and appreciate the benefits of a retreat. I’m always up for a retreat! What I didn’t stop to realize is that we can have little mini-retreats every day, without adding any additional time to our already too-full schedules.
I’ve been an on-again-off-again runner for years. This spring I’ve become determined to become “on-again” once again. I’ve been enjoying sporadic runs whenever I can fit them in. This morning was a little hectic at our house – our normal routine a bit rattled up because it was the last day of school after a weekend of graduation parties, etc. After the morning chaos, I rushed out the door to get in a jog before it got too hot (it is scheduled to be in the 90s again today). It was not until I drove the 5 miles to one of my favorite running spots (a biking trail through the woods along the lake) that I realized I forgot my Garmin Forerunner (a GPS-enabled sports trainer watch). I’m not a competitive runner or anything – I’m actually very slow. But I do enjoy keeping track of my progress – was I able to run the same distance in a shorter amount of time? Did my average pace quicken? Can I run the next mile quicker than I ran the last one? How does this workout compare to last week’s? How many miles have I run this month? This spring? This year?
So – this morning, I had forgotten my trusty tracking device. Now, it was just me, the woods, and the sunshine sparkling on the water, the birds, squirrels, and the sound of my own breathing. Instead of finding motivation from the competition against myself using my little running techno toy, I found myself completely relaxing and enjoying the total experience of the run. I never realized the slight stress that was being added to my run with all the data and analysis. But now I felt freer to simply run and enjoy. I was connecting with my gorgeous surroundings, and with myself. I felt so energized, so alive! I found myself reflecting back on Carly’s blog post about retreats, and feeling so excited that I was benefitting from a retreat experience – without even planning it!
And when I got back to my car, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had arrived back earlier than I anticipated! (I can’t help but compete against myself…) Without my trusty Forerunner telling me, I know I had a great run, with a quicker pace than usual. And that makes sense. When we are doing what we love, and focusing on the enjoyment of it, we can truly excel – with little or no effort!
This experience made it clear to me that a retreat doesn’t have to be an added activity – simply tack on some conscious awareness to activities you are already doing. It can be as easy as leaving technology at home as you go for your morning jog. Or clearing your head in the shower and getting really present in the moment. Instead of thinking about all the things you need to get done today, listen to all the sounds around you. Can you hear the birds outside over the din of the shower? How does the sound of the water coming out of the faucet differ from the sound of the water hitting the shower curtain and floor? How does the water feel as it hits your face? As it runs down your skin?
Or maybe your mini-retreat happens as you walk down your driveway to get the mail. Take a moment to enjoy the sun on your face (or the rain), the smell of the flowers, the sounds of the cars driving past and the kids laughing in the neighbor’s pool. Think about all that you have to be thankful for.
It’s amazing the effect a mini-retreat, in just a few minutes, can have on your whole being!
Where are some places you can incorporate a mini-retreat into your day?
Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’. As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.
Diary of a Recovering Thinkaholic
Another fun and insightful blog posting brought to you by Tracy Sullivan.
Hello, my name is Tracy and I’m a recovering think-aholic…
I’ve been a think-aholic for as long as I can remember. At an early age I learned that if a little thinking was good, a lot was better…
Makes sense, right?
WRONG…
This belief led me to what I call “think-aholism”.
Think-aholism is my made up term for what happens when I get stuck in thought, it’s usually brought on by stress – a new job, a new relationship, no relationship, giving a presentation, a change in plans, speaking up for what I want, even getting a new hairstyle!
Over-thinking’s downsides include anxiety, moodiness, indecision as well as stagnation, not living up to your full potential and it generally saps the joy out of life.
Who wants that? Not me!!
I knew I was a think-aholic when I kept hearing….
“You think too much, that’s your downfall.”
“You over analyze everything too much.”
“You are being too hard on yourself.”
So why the tendency to over-think?
Am I “hard-wired” that way? Did I learn this from my parents? Is it hormones? Am I too cautious? Afraid to make mistakes? It’s probably a combination.
You may have others reasons for your own over-thinking.
What I do know, is that over-thinking is a habit that can be broken.
One of the biggest culprits for me has always been fear. Fear of making a mistake, looking foolish, doing the “wrong” thing, people not agreeing with me. Also, if something doesn’t go as planned, I tend to ruminate about it – why it happened and what I should have done better, which keeps me stuck and in a down space– I call it analysis paralysis
When I’m paralyzed in thought it’s hard to find a solution or bounce back. It’s like I get lost in a maze of overly dramatic thoughts, get exhausted and lose steam. Then I’m suddenly in a bad mood. No fun for me or anyone near me.
Over the years though I have learned to recognize the signs and while there is no support group for us think-aholics, I have found a few things tend to snap me out of my think-aholic ways….
Break the cycle-
- Relax and let go- breathe, get up and just do something different – talk a walk, listen to music, clean your house… distract yourself.
- Get active – exercise is a natural mood lifter – it gets the blood flowing and often clears my head.
- Go outside – Being outside makes me feel more spacious and relaxed – often clearing my head and lifting my mood instantly.
- Note cards that say “STOP” on them – place them anywhere you look often – your office, your mirror, your car, your wallet – just looking at the word helps me shift my thinking to something else…
- Call a friend – run the problem past a friend who is a good problem solver, someone who is not an over-thinker like you – they will help you see things in a new light.
- Count your blessings – there is always something to be thankful for – I can always find something to be happy about… I’ve kept a gratitude journal near my bed for a few years and it’s been such a great practice – having the last thought before bed be a positive one has made a difference in how well I sleep and how I feel when I wake up.
“I’ve found that worry and irritation vanish into thin air the moment I open my mind to the many blessings I posses” -Dale Carnegie
Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuingblog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.
Revealing My True Self
Today’s post is brought to you by Karen S. Richter, owner and founder of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC
I try to do things right. But I’m beginning to see that the desire for perfection may just be another way to hide, not only our imperfections, but our true selves.
A perfect example: To prepare to be a guest blogger for Carly, I wanted to read all of her blog posts again to ensure that I could step into her shoes, mimic her style, and provide a seamless transition for her readers/followers. As I reread Carly’s blog posts, I found myself intimidated. She writes so well. Her words just flow. There is such profound meaning in her words. I found myself saying “I can’t do this. Who am I to be writing? No one wants to listen to me. I can’t be Carly.”
Then her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post hit me right between the eyes. Carly challenges us to shed layers of our false selves and to be authentic. And here I was, trying to develop a whole new false self – the “Carly fill-in”, “Carly2”. This blog post caused me to realize that I didn’t need to put up yet another layer of false self by trying to be Carly. My desire to learn Carly’s style was simply a way for me to hide my true self – to protect myself from getting hurt if Carly’s readers didn’t love me and/or what I had to say.
The blog post also caused me to realize how much I admire when someone else reveals their true self. (Carly shares the “sense of gratitude” in her client’s eyes that Carly “was willing to be human with her”.) I admire the courage it takes to open up and be vulnerable. Even more, I am grateful when they are willing to share their authentic self with me – it tells me that they feel safe enough with me to let their inner-being show. I feel honored that they trust me enough to place into my care, their emotional well-being.
It’s become clear to me that when we are only focused on our own emotions (especially feelings of insecurity), we are making the situation all about us. We are not allowing the others involved in the situation to be trusted and honored by sharing with them. We deprive them of those feelings of pride and satisfaction that come along when they feel someone trusts them with their most vulnerable self.
I am really taking to heart Carly’s blog about revealing our true selves. Here I am – writing as Karen, not as Karen-trying-to-be-Carly. I am using this blog as an opportunity to practice exactly what Carly shared with us – revealing our true selves. And, let me tell you, it comes as such a relief! It takes a lot of energy to play a role, to pretend to be something I’m not. It is so freeing, and I feel the stress dissipating. I am now much better able to go with the flow, and to trust in it. And it is so much easier to simply write what is in my head, and not feel the need to put it through a filter and a translator so it comes out looking like something Carly would write. I truly look forward to sharing more with you soon.
In her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post, Carly asks many questions. Continuing along that same train of thought, I pose the following questions:
- What’s holding you back from shedding the layers of your false self?
- How would it feel to honor others by showing trust and confidence in them?
To do: When you feel the need to hide your inner self, notice – who are you protecting? Are you making the situation all about you? How would it feel to instead think about the other person, and how honored and trusted they might feel if you opened up and revealed yourself to them?
Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’. As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.
To Stay Balanced – Let Go!
This post is brought to you by guest blogger Tracy Sullivan. Readers of Success Without a Suit will remember Tracy’s previous post, All About the Journey.
To Stay Balanced – Let Go. Great metaphor for life, huh?
I was reminded of this recently while flipping through vacation photos from the most amazing vacation to the Galapagos Islands a few years ago.
On a two and half hour bumpy speed-boat ride, our guide told us to best way to stay balanced was to just let go – not hold on to anything, let go of the railings – even raise our hands up high if we felt like it – but holding on would make it worse – would cause more jarring and banging around. So we all did it knowing we still had a long way to go… Wow!!! He was right – it worked! We were not getting banged around as much and guess what? It was fun!! Yep – imagine that, when we most wanted to hold on, we let go and that’s when we really started to have fun!! We were all laughing and having a great time instead of holding on to the railings for dear life… we all started to relax and roll with it all…really cool!
Instead of resisting the bumpiness, once we just let go and rolled with it, the ride was so much smoother AND we were able to stay balanced – literally, we were more balanced in our seats and figuratively in our perspective of the ride – it was more fun and felt smoother!
What an amazing metaphor for life I thought– I wanted to remember this life lesson – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect life experience. By literally and figuratively letting go – we found balance. Wow! It truly was one of those “a-ha” moments for me– I was laughing more, having a good time – versus being tense – “holding on” too tight… that’s when it hit me – this is how I want to live my life –I want to let go when I most felt like I wanted to hold on – when things got bumpy, when I got scared– I was going to let go more in my everyday life – not just on vacation– I vowed to remember this experience and what it taught me –
Live each day like you’re on vacation — let go, laugh, roll with it, have fun!!
What can you do to make today feel like you’re on vacation?
Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuing blog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.
Meet Karen
I have the pleasure of introducing you to Karen S. Richter, owner and founder of the coaching company Cohesive Outcomes, LLC. Karen and I have known each other for many years having worked together at Deloitte before supporting one another as colleagues in our adventures in business ownership. Karen will be posting throughout the summer. In order to get to know her better, I asked Karen some questions about her background, specialty and philosophy. Enjoy!
What drew you to your career field? I’ve been in Human Resources for over twenty years, and using (what I now realize are) coaching skills quite naturally for most of those years. I gravitated to project management and then workshop facilitation and working with teams, helping them to strengthen their communication skills and become more productive and effective.
While I loved my HR career, I found myself in a place where many parents find themselves – feeling pulled in multiple directions, and living on auto pilot. I had too little time and energy to devote to all the conflicting priorities in my life, and ended up feeling a bit inadequate at them all. I had a lot of wonderful things in my life to be thankful for, but I still had this nagging feeling of unhappiness. I felt disconnected from my dreams.
Working one-on-one with a life coach helped me address these feelings of frustration and inadequacy. I was able to better balance all the exciting activities I had going on in my life and became much less stressed and much more fulfilled.
I was so appreciative of the support skills I had learned through coaching, and ultimately decided to pursue a career in coaching. I realized my passion was not to just live my own life to the fullest, feeling fulfilled as a parent, wife, friend, etc., but to help others find that same fulfillment and inner peace in their own lives.
What is your specialty? I find my greatest satisfaction working with parents of school age children. So often, parents feel out of control of their lives – they feel frustrated that their children are growing and changing so quickly. It seems like as soon as they figure out how to best handle a certain developmental stage, the child moves on to a new stage. Parents also struggle with a loss of identify due to being so focused on raising their kids. They miss the closeness with their spouses (and friends) that they shared BC (before children). It is such a joy to help these dedicated parents to rediscover themselves, their values, and their dreams, and to find ways to incorporate all this back into their lives. This results in reduced stress, allowing room for more fun, happiness, and success. I love my job!
What is your philosophy? I believe all individuals are naturally creative and resourceful and have the potential to transform themselves to live the life of their dreams. Cohesive Outcomes, LLC offers support and simple, yet powerful, tools for parents to draw out their resourcefulness and creativity to create the nurturing environment and peaceful relationships they desire. Everyone has all they need inside of them to be a great parent, to raise their children with joy, compassion and meaning, and to have fun doing it! Our job as coaches is to work alongside the parent to tap into those resources.
Interested in learning more or in contacting Karen?
Website: www.CohesiveOutcomes.com
Contact Info: Karen@CohesiveOutcomes.com, 610-346-9629