What’s out beyond your headlights?
A recent post, How to Start, by my friend Phil Bolton of Less Ordinary Living got me thinking. In his post, he shares his struggles writing his blog posts and ponders what it takes to overcome the hurdles and get started.
At first, I reflected on my own writing process, the fits and starts I go through writi
ng blog posting and content for my newsletters, workshops, exercises and website. But after the initial chuckle of recognition wore off, I found myself reflecting on how getting started in writing is a lot like getting started in other parts of my career and life.
While I was reflecting, I picked up one of my favorite books, Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott and skimmed through the chapters. In my flipping, I found a quote I’d never noticed before. Lamott references E.L. Doctorow who is quoted as saying, “writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. “ The quote hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t help but whole-heartedly agree with Lamott’s remark that this was the best advice she ever got about writing and life.
Even if you only have a vague idea of what you’d like to do or where we want to go, get started. Drive the first 200 feet and see where it takes you. See what your headlights illuminate in those first 200 feet. There may be a bridge-out that forces you to turn around or find a new path. There may be a crossroads that forces you to make a new choice. But you might also find a road sign that says you’re on the right track.
My mind jumped back to Bolton’s blog, “The blank page. The blinking cursor.” They mock us when we’re trying to get started and can defeat us if we let them. Too often we believe that we have to know the whole story or the destination in order to write the first word or take the first step.
The same can be said of our careers. For many of us, the blinking cursor is the daily grind of waking up and going to a job we detest. The blank page is our deep desire of wanting a new direction but not knowing what our new destination is. We feel mocked. Eventually we feel defeated.
But if we go back to the words of Doctorow, we can find liberation in them. It’s not necessary to know the final destination. Perhaps it’s not even possible to know exactly what the final destination is. All we can do is shine those headlights and see what the next 200 feet reveal to us. Slow down. Explore. Take notes.
What clues can you find in what you see in front of you?
In what’s working and not working in your current job.
In what you like to do; dislike to do.
In what you’re passionate about.
In what you have a natural talent for (and what you don’t.)
In what your preferences are for the ideal environment that will nourish you and allow your best to shine.
Follow the signs. Take it one exit at a time. Correct your course along the way. Make a left turn if your attention is grabbed by something you like. Trust that you will make it to your destination by progressing 200 feet at a time, no matter which direction you take. You may find that the destination changes along the way. That’s ok. The key is to get started and keep taking it 200 feet at a time.
Action is the best way to overcome the overwhelming paralysis we can often feel when it comes to making a change in our careers and lives.
What are the next 200 feet of the road ahead revealing about your final destination?
A Call to Action – Life is Too Short Not to Face Fears
“I don’t have enough time to focus on myself.”
“It’s a luxury to have a career you love. No one enjoys work.”
“I can’t spend time or money on myself to figure out what will make me happy.”
“I’ll figure it out later. With the bad economy, I just have to put my head down and make money to pay the bills.”
Have you ever said these things? I know I’ve had these thoughts. And I hear them pretty often from friends, family, colleagues and clients.
Where do these beliefs come from, I began to wonder. And how are they serving us individually and collectively?
My guess is that these beliefs do protect us in some ways. On the surface, “not having enough time,” allows us to hide behind humility and virtue. It presents us an opportunity to not seem selfish. As human beings, we have a strong desire to be caretakers and supporters of our friends and loved ones around us. What we are taught reinforces this value that many of us hold. And to focus on our own wants and needs seems to contradict this value.
But is it a contradiction? Is carving out time to care of our own needs and seeing ourselves as worth it really in opposition of being supportive of others? I’m not sure. If we go deeper, we see that to be truly supportive of others in the way we desire, we must be at our best. This allows us to fully give our gifts to the world. And in order to be our best, we must see ourselves as worthy enough of the time it takes for self-care and an investment in our personal growth and development.
To simply say we don’t have enough time may be just another way we avoid facing our fears.
Fear of what you might ask? The list is long. It takes multiple shapes for many of us.
Fear of not finding the career that will fulfill us.
Fear of never finding enough clarity to move forward.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of making a change and still not being happy.
Fear of the difficult journey it will be to find and pursue a new path.
Fear that happiness and making money are mutually exclusive.
Fear that you will not be capable and effective if you pursue an area of passion.
The list could go on. The underlying fear as I see it, is a fear of the unknown.
It is human nature to fear the unknown – to choose unhappiness over uncertainty.
But although we have a great capacity to endure undesirable situations, there is something deep within us that knows it is worth doing something about. So what can we do about it? How can we begin to make the changes in ourselves in order to make a positive impact for our immediate circle and the world?
We find that in order to conquer a fear, we need to define it.
In Tim Ferris’ book, The 4-Hour Work Week, he has readers face what I see as a brilliant question in helping us define our fear of the unknown.
What is it costing you – financially, emotionally, and physically – to postpone action? Don’t only evaluate the potential downside of action. It is equally important to measure the atrocious cost of inaction. If you don’t pursue the things that excite you, where will you be in one year, five years, ten years? How will you feel having allowed circumstance to impose itself upon you and having allowed ten more years of your finite life to pass doing what you know will not fulfill you? If you telescope 10 years and know with 100% certainty that it is a path of disappointment and regret, and if we define risk as “the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome,” inaction is the greatest risk of all.
And I’d like to add, what is it costing those around you?
How is your inaction impacting your friends and loved ones? Your colleagues? The world at large?
We are all inter-connected. A change in how we see and treat ourselves will ripple out to the world. Change in the world starts with each one of us. If we all hold back and live from a place of fear, we will continue to build a world of full of distrust, unhappiness, lack and scarcity.
So the next time you find yourself saying, “I don’t have the time to invest in myself” or “I’ll wait until a better time to make a change,”
Ask yourself, “What is it costing me to postpone action?”
And remember…What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.
All About the Journey
Today’s post was written by guest blogger and my dear friend and colleague, Tracy Sullivan.
The 5:05 or the 5:12? I asked myself this question one ordinary weekday as I was planning my commute home from NY to NJ.
The 5:05 train will get me home faster. No need to transfer trains or wait on a cold platform. I’ll have to hustle, but I decided I can do it.
The next 30 minutes are a blur. I throw on my coat, strap on my backpack. My mission is to catch the 5:05. No one can stop me. My breath quickens, my neck tightens, and my face is serious with a look that says “out of my way!”
Off I go – sprinting through the streets of lower Manhattan. With each step I’m lost in my thoughts –
“Will I make it?”
“Why won’t this person get out of my way?”
“Don’t they know I have to catch the 5:05???”
“Oh man I wish I had on my sneakers – these shoes are killing me!”
“I don’t know if I’ll make it! Tick-tock!”
“Damn – this sucks, I want to make the 5:05! 5:05! 5:05!!!”
I am so fixated on the time it’s as if I might vanish into thin air if I don’t make this 5:05 train.
Back to my racing thoughts, “what’s so important about this 5:05 train anyway?” My mind begins to shift – “Isn’t there another train right after? Wouldn’t it be easier to simply slow down, relax and just take the 5:12?”
Yeah, sure, that makes sense.
“But no, I REALLY want to make the 5:05 – I said that was the train I was going to take – damn it, I’m taking that train!!”
I’m almost there — out of breath, feet hurting, sweating, back aching, running down the stairs to catch the PATH train that will take me to the 5:05 commuter train.
Phew, I made it!! I congratulate myself for this amazing feat. But I soon realize the PATH train is not moving. It’s DELAYED!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!! I realize after all that running and stressing out, I’m not even going to make the 5:05 after all.
Then the strangest thing happens… in an instant, I relax. The option for the 5:05 was now off the table; the choice was made for me. I realize there was a 5:12 train all along and I would definitely make that train. I took out my iPod and let myself enjoy some tunes.
“Ha! This seems ridiculous!” I said to myself, “only now could I finally relax?!?!”
On the rest of my commute home I thought about other goals in my life and where I need to relax and let things be. That’s easy – the pursuit of marriage and children. Instead of putting pressure on myself to be married by “X” age, I need to give myself permission to enjoy the ride instead of worrying about “missing the train.”
So often we find ourselves focused only on reaching goals that we miss the point – it’s about the journey, not the destination. Life is about making the most of every day. Savoring and celebrating all that you can while you move closer and closer towards your destination/end-goal.
So, I thought to myself, how do I want to live my life? On the path of the 5:05 (struggle, stress and worry)? Or relaxed, happy and enjoying the journey to my destination via the 5:12 train?
Either way, I’ll still make it to my destination (later than I expected) but happier and more relaxed. All I need to do is let go of trying to control when, where and how I’ll get there.
Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy. –Sarah Ban Breathnach
When Tracy Sullivan is not chasing down trains, she enjoys her life in Bedminster, NJ — good friends, a family she’s close to, and a career in Human Resources. She looks forward meeting the right guy to share that with, and in turn, to share his life, friends, and family.
What Does Passion Got to Do with Career Success?
In my coaching, I often encounter women who “on paper” have all the success and happiness they could have imagined in their younger years. They have degrees from prestigious colleges; they’ve moved up the ladder and are in positions of management and leadership at successful companies; they live in or near exciting cities; they travel; they have the material comforts they desire.
Yet they’ve lost their passion in work and life. They have lost touch with what is meaningful and satisfying to them. And they are tired of watching their life fly by without time to enjoy it.
When they finally decided to reach out for coaching, they’re exhausted, frustrated, and lost. The first words I often hear are, “I know I want something different, I just don’t know what it is or how to find it.”
One of the first ways we begin turning the tide for them is to reconnect them with their passions. Now I know there’s a lot of talk about passions. We’ve all heard that if you “find your passion”, money and happiness will follow. It seems like magic, doesn’t it? Find the elusive “passion” and all will fall into place. But I’m a realist and know that for most of us, it’s not that simple.
So how do we in fact find what will make us happy in our work and life?
1. Look for clues in your past
An exercise I love using with clients is a Personal History. This exercise gives you the opportunity to reflect over your life.
What experiences defined you? What topics or activities were you attracted to as a kid, a teenager, and a young adult? What themes or patterns reveal themselves to you about where you derive happiness and strength?
These are “breadcrumbs” that point you in the direction of your passions, strengths, and values.
2. Pay attention to the moments that make you strong, satisfied and successful
Another challenge I love to pose to clients is to be an investigator of their current lives.
Grab a notebook and carry it around for a week taking note of the moments you enjoy, the times you have a smile on your face, the activities in which you “lose yourself,” the times when you feel strong and you’re using a natural talent or strength. Again, like in the Personal Histories, spend time looking at the patterns, clues and “breadcrumbs” that emerge.
Marcus Buckingham has a great definition of success in his latest book, Find Your Strongest Life. He says, “A strong woman feels successful. And by “successful”, I don’t mean that she is getting prizes, awards, and big fat bonuses – though she might be. I mean that she feels effective and capable.”
Effective and capable. I love that. It implies that we have the opportunity to fill our days with activities that allow us to use and express our unique strengths. That we get to let the best of us shine for all to see and that we’re acknowledged for those gifts. Without the opportunity to express these strengths and find affirmations of these strengths, we can lose our sense of who we truly are.
So once you identify these moments, what do you do with that knowledge?
3. Start adding more of these moments to your work and life
Often times, even after we’ve uncovered these clues, we’re still unsure if these “breadcrumbs” are truly pointing to a lifelong passion we want to build a career upon or simply to something we enjoy in our spare time. But in order to learn the truth, you must dive in and try. Start small if you have to. Change is a process and it comes easiest when you start to build momentum.
Clear your plate of a handful of activities that are out of alignment with your strengths and passions. Slowly add new activities that are in alignment. For example, ask to work on a special project at work, volunteer at an organization that you love, or take a class to learn something new or deepen a skill. Perhaps you look at your hobbies and push them to the next level to see if you want to have them be a bigger part of your life (e.g. an amateur photographer might enter photos in a contest or sell them online or at a local gallery.)
By diving in and trying these avenues out, you begin to grow clarity around your passions as well as increase your sense of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in your work and life.
Words of wisdom from Andrea Jung, Avon’s CEO
I had the privilege of sitting on a panel at NYU’s 18th Annual Stern Women in Business Conference on Friday. It was an inspiring day! Prospective students, current students, alumni and other professional women filled the crowd of over 300. There were corporate professionals, non-profit professional, entrepreneurs – all learning and connecting with each other.
The very appropriate theme of this year’s conference was Adaptation: Creating Opportunity on a Changing Environment. And the morning’s keynote speaker embodied the theme perfectly.
Andrea Jung, Chairman and CEO of Avon stood out from the crowd of black, navy and tan suits in her signature pearls and red dress. As CEO of Avon for the past 11 years, she is one of the most powerful and influential women in business. From the moment she stepped up to the podium and began speaking, her grace, humility and character had the audience captivated. Her words resonated with all of us and stayed with us throughout the day. She shared her personal story and a few key lessons she learned from mentors and coaches throughout her career.
“Follow your compass, not your clock.”
Like many of us, Andrea Jung wants to make an impact with her work. She shared how she had dreamed of joining the Peace Corp but did the “practical” thing and got a job out of college. But that desire to make a difference and have meaningful and fulfilling work stuck with her until she found her way to Avon.
Not only is she able to put her business acumen and innovative marketing skills to work in reviving the image of “your grandma’s company,” but she is also able to stand behind an organization known for making an impact in the lives of women across the globe everyday. Avon was one of the first, and still one of the few, companies that empower women to become entrepreneurs. Women in all parts of the world are earning money for their families, learning computer skills (all of Avon’s ordering is now done online), and through their independence becoming role models for younger generations. Not to mention that Avon is almost as well known for its charitable work as it is for its products – who hasn’t heard of the Avon Walks for Breast Cancer?
Her choice to have meaning and find passion in her work was put to the test in 1997 when she was passed over for promotion to CEO. Offers from other companies followed and she contemplated jumping ship. An honest conversation with a mentor reminder her of her need and desire to have passion in her work. Her mentor’s words, “Follow your compass, not your clock” helped her decide to stay on at Avon. Passion in her work was more important that having a fancy title. And that authentic and humble choice paid off. A short 20 months later, the job of CEO was hers.
“Fire yourself on Friday and rehire yourself on Monday.”
No matter what your role, there comes a moment in our careers when we need to look ourselves in the mirror and admit the path we’re on isn’t working and we need to change. But as we know, its human nature to resist change and to shy away from admitting we’re wrong. Jung faced this head-on at a critical moment in Avon’s history. She had been CEO for almost 5 years and although the company was making significant strides in turning their image around, it needed to do more if it was going to succeed. Hesitant to admit the strategies she had implemented weren’t working as well as expected, she was stuck watching the company fall behind.
Finally, her executive coach did what not many were willing to do and challenged Jung to have new, fresh eyes for her business or move on. He delivered the message in simple terms – ‘Fire yourself on Friday. Go home and really think about what the business needs to succeed. Hire yourself back on Monday in the new role as Turnaround Leader ready to make bold changes.’ And if she couldn’t do that, it was time to move on because she could no longer clearly separate herself from what the business needed to succeed. Having new, fresh eyes allows us to clearly see what bold changes need to happen.
“Bloom where you are planted.”
Throughout our careers, even the best of us are plagued by a bout of impatience. We want to move up the ladder quicker. We want to find the perfect role for us immediately. We want to make six (or seven) figures in our businesses. And most often, that impatience serves us well in driving us to succeed. However, we sometimes need to be reminded that it takes courage and perseverance to “bloom where you are planted.” This was a lesson Jung learned early on in her career. She was a new grad from Princeton and desperately wanted to be doing important work. She was frustrated with the entry-level tasks her boss had her doing. She even went home one day and declared to her parents that she was going to quit her job. They reminded her of the need to start from the bottom and work your way up. That its sometimes more courageous to persevere in your current situation. And this lesson helped her build the foundation she needed for her later success.
What about these three lessons resonates with you? What choices have you made at the defining moments of your career? What stories do you have to share?