Unexpected Retreat
August 31, 2010
Today’s post is by Karen Richter of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC
I am once again struck by the relevance of one of Carly’s blog posts. This time: Retreats – A Nourishing Investment
Cohesive Outcomes runs outdoor retreats – we spend time focusing on nature, the calmness it instills in our inner beings, which in turn allows us to reconnect with what is truly important to us, etc. So I obviously know and appreciate the benefits of a retreat. I’m always up for a retreat! What I didn’t stop to realize is that we can have little mini-retreats every day, without adding any additional time to our already too-full schedules.
I’ve been an on-again-off-again runner for years. This spring I’ve become determined to become “on-again” once again. I’ve been enjoying sporadic runs whenever I can fit them in. This morning was a little hectic at our house – our normal routine a bit rattled up because it was the last day of school after a weekend of graduation parties, etc. After the morning chaos, I rushed out the door to get in a jog before it got too hot (it is scheduled to be in the 90s again today). It was not until I drove the 5 miles to one of my favorite running spots (a biking trail through the woods along the lake) that I realized I forgot my Garmin Forerunner (a GPS-enabled sports trainer watch). I’m not a competitive runner or anything – I’m actually very slow. But I do enjoy keeping track of my progress – was I able to run the same distance in a shorter amount of time? Did my average pace quicken? Can I run the next mile quicker than I ran the last one? How does this workout compare to last week’s? How many miles have I run this month? This spring? This year?
So – this morning, I had forgotten my trusty tracking device. Now, it was just me, the woods, and the sunshine sparkling on the water, the birds, squirrels, and the sound of my own breathing. Instead of finding motivation from the competition against myself using my little running techno toy, I found myself completely relaxing and enjoying the total experience of the run. I never realized the slight stress that was being added to my run with all the data and analysis. But now I felt freer to simply run and enjoy. I was connecting with my gorgeous surroundings, and with myself. I felt so energized, so alive! I found myself reflecting back on Carly’s blog post about retreats, and feeling so excited that I was benefitting from a retreat experience – without even planning it!
And when I got back to my car, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had arrived back earlier than I anticipated! (I can’t help but compete against myself…) Without my trusty Forerunner telling me, I know I had a great run, with a quicker pace than usual. And that makes sense. When we are doing what we love, and focusing on the enjoyment of it, we can truly excel – with little or no effort!
This experience made it clear to me that a retreat doesn’t have to be an added activity – simply tack on some conscious awareness to activities you are already doing. It can be as easy as leaving technology at home as you go for your morning jog. Or clearing your head in the shower and getting really present in the moment. Instead of thinking about all the things you need to get done today, listen to all the sounds around you. Can you hear the birds outside over the din of the shower? How does the sound of the water coming out of the faucet differ from the sound of the water hitting the shower curtain and floor? How does the water feel as it hits your face? As it runs down your skin?
Or maybe your mini-retreat happens as you walk down your driveway to get the mail. Take a moment to enjoy the sun on your face (or the rain), the smell of the flowers, the sounds of the cars driving past and the kids laughing in the neighbor’s pool. Think about all that you have to be thankful for.
It’s amazing the effect a mini-retreat, in just a few minutes, can have on your whole being!
Where are some places you can incorporate a mini-retreat into your day?
Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’. As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.
Revealing My True Self
August 17, 2010
Today’s post is brought to you by Karen S. Richter, owner and founder of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC
I try to do things right. But I’m beginning to see that the desire for perfection may just be another way to hide, not only our imperfections, but our true selves.
A perfect example: To prepare to be a guest blogger for Carly, I wanted to read all of her blog posts again to ensure that I could step into her shoes, mimic her style, and provide a seamless transition for her readers/followers. As I reread Carly’s blog posts, I found myself intimidated. She writes so well. Her words just flow. There is such profound meaning in her words. I found myself saying “I can’t do this. Who am I to be writing? No one wants to listen to me. I can’t be Carly.”
Then her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post hit me right between the eyes. Carly challenges us to shed layers of our false selves and to be authentic. And here I was, trying to develop a whole new false self – the “Carly fill-in”, “Carly2”. This blog post caused me to realize that I didn’t need to put up yet another layer of false self by trying to be Carly. My desire to learn Carly’s style was simply a way for me to hide my true self – to protect myself from getting hurt if Carly’s readers didn’t love me and/or what I had to say.
The blog post also caused me to realize how much I admire when someone else reveals their true self. (Carly shares the “sense of gratitude” in her client’s eyes that Carly “was willing to be human with her”.) I admire the courage it takes to open up and be vulnerable. Even more, I am grateful when they are willing to share their authentic self with me – it tells me that they feel safe enough with me to let their inner-being show. I feel honored that they trust me enough to place into my care, their emotional well-being.
It’s become clear to me that when we are only focused on our own emotions (especially feelings of insecurity), we are making the situation all about us. We are not allowing the others involved in the situation to be trusted and honored by sharing with them. We deprive them of those feelings of pride and satisfaction that come along when they feel someone trusts them with their most vulnerable self.
I am really taking to heart Carly’s blog about revealing our true selves. Here I am – writing as Karen, not as Karen-trying-to-be-Carly. I am using this blog as an opportunity to practice exactly what Carly shared with us – revealing our true selves. And, let me tell you, it comes as such a relief! It takes a lot of energy to play a role, to pretend to be something I’m not. It is so freeing, and I feel the stress dissipating. I am now much better able to go with the flow, and to trust in it. And it is so much easier to simply write what is in my head, and not feel the need to put it through a filter and a translator so it comes out looking like something Carly would write. I truly look forward to sharing more with you soon.
In her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post, Carly asks many questions. Continuing along that same train of thought, I pose the following questions:
- What’s holding you back from shedding the layers of your false self?
- How would it feel to honor others by showing trust and confidence in them?
To do: When you feel the need to hide your inner self, notice – who are you protecting? Are you making the situation all about you? How would it feel to instead think about the other person, and how honored and trusted they might feel if you opened up and revealed yourself to them?
Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’. As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.
To Stay Balanced – Let Go!
August 10, 2010
This post is brought to you by guest blogger Tracy Sullivan. Readers of Success Without a Suit will remember Tracy’s previous post, All About the Journey.
To Stay Balanced – Let Go. Great metaphor for life, huh?
I was reminded of this recently while flipping through vacation photos from the most amazing vacation to the Galapagos Islands a few years ago.
On a two and half hour bumpy speed-boat ride, our guide told us to best way to stay balanced was to just let go – not hold on to anything, let go of the railings – even raise our hands up high if we felt like it – but holding on would make it worse – would cause more jarring and banging around. So we all did it knowing we still had a long way to go… Wow!!! He was right – it worked! We were not getting banged around as much and guess what? It was fun!! Yep – imagine that, when we most wanted to hold on, we let go and that’s when we really started to have fun!! We were all laughing and having a great time instead of holding on to the railings for dear life… we all started to relax and roll with it all…really cool!
Instead of resisting the bumpiness, once we just let go and rolled with it, the ride was so much smoother AND we were able to stay balanced – literally, we were more balanced in our seats and figuratively in our perspective of the ride – it was more fun and felt smoother!
What an amazing metaphor for life I thought– I wanted to remember this life lesson – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect life experience. By literally and figuratively letting go – we found balance. Wow! It truly was one of those “a-ha” moments for me– I was laughing more, having a good time – versus being tense – “holding on” too tight… that’s when it hit me – this is how I want to live my life –I want to let go when I most felt like I wanted to hold on – when things got bumpy, when I got scared– I was going to let go more in my everyday life – not just on vacation– I vowed to remember this experience and what it taught me –
Live each day like you’re on vacation — let go, laugh, roll with it, have fun!!
What can you do to make today feel like you’re on vacation?
Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuing blog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.
Shedding Layers of the False Self
April 21, 2010
This past Monday I was lucky enough to spend the day at the barn with my friend and colleague Kathy Esper and the horses. Kathy is a coach certified in equine facilitated learning and in partnership with horses creates breakthroughs and transformations with her clients.
I have been a client of hers however this Monday, I partnered with Kathy to bring one of my clients to the barn for the experience.
And that’s what made my own breakthrough that day so unexpected.
Although the focus was on facilitating my client’s transformation, we each began our morning by setting intentions for the day. Without having preplanned it, the intention that came to me in the moment was to let go, to let loose and be silly; to be free and imperfect; to not care what I looked like or if I got it right or wrong; to just be open to the messiness of life and the curveballs it hurls our way.
It was in this mindset that I approached the day and the subtle synchronicity that followed took me a bit by surprise.
A late-morning exercise of pulling cards from the Free the Genie card deck beckoned me to “suspend my need for logic, data and practicality.” Was it a coincidence that this sounded a lot like the intention I set for the day? I was beginning to think not.
My curiosity was peaked, however these messages still didn’t mean much yet to me. The knowledge of them was still in my head – I hadn’t experienced it with the whole of my body and begun “to know” them at a cellular level.
Not until the afternoon lesson and exercise.
Kathy walked us through the process by which we create a false self throughout our lives to protect our egos and how we can begin to recognize our authentic or true self and free it from the binds of the false self. There are many ways the false self develops but the one that jumped off the page for me in flashing red lights was “energy is given to our image or how we look to others.”
A nervous giggle rose from my depths and my cheeks flushed with recognition and shame. How much energy do I still devote towards crafting my image and worrying what others think of me? More than I care to admit I’m afraid.
Here I was, coaching my client through a shedding of her false self and I was still clinging to pieces of mine. Do I admit it to her? Do I share my weakness and vulnerability, my imperfection?
I thought back to my intention of the morning and from the depths of my inner being, the answer was clear. Yes – I must admit it. And I did. I choked on my words as they first began to emerge but they got stronger as they flowed. I saw in her eyes a sense of gratitude that I was willing to be human with her. That I wasn’t above or beyond her in some way but right there with her in the sometimes painful and messy journey of personal development.
And if that didn’t stretch me out of my comfort zone, what happened next certainly did.
Kathy turned to me minutes before we were about to begin and shared that due to some other activities happening at the barn that day, we had to adapt our afternoon exercise with the horses. Although Kathy had planned to be the lead in coaching my client through the exercise (she was the certified expert after all), she now turned to me and said the only way it could be done was for me to take the lead.
The voice of fear (my false self) screamed in my head, “But I don’t know how to do this! I haven’t had time to prepare. You didn’t tell me I was going to have to do this. What if I do it wrong? What if I look stupid in front of my client and she wants to stop working with me?”
Then a tingle of excitement and anticipation spread throughout my body; a slight grin crossed my lips. Here was my stretch for the day. Here was my opportunity to live my intention. Here was a chance to shed a layer of my false self and further allow my true self to see the light of day.
I stepped up and took the lead in coaching my client through the exercise. Within moments, the world, the fears and the voice in my head fell away. It was just her and I, connected on a deep level. The questions I asked emerged from an unknown source. All fell into place. And not only did the horse we were working with recognize the connection and shift, but one by one the nearby horses stood and watched us. They held the space for us and knew something of great importance was happening for the two of us.
I am so happy that the day was transformational for my client. She confronted a block she’d been carrying with her for a while and was able to break through it.
And I am eternally grateful for the learning opportunity she provided me with that day. I walked away a better coach and a more authentic version of myself. There’s one less layer of my false self remaining.
How have you shed layers of your false self?
Where is your false self still clinging on?
What can you do to shed another layer and allow your true self to emerge?
Retreats – A Nourishing Investment
April 12, 2010
Retreat: A period of seclusion, retirement, or solitude. A period of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, or study.
What is it about taking time away from your day-to-day routine that can be so energizing? The way I see it, the off-site meeting at work, the training session, the yoga retreat, etc – they all rely on some key fundamental principles.
A mental and physical break from the daily grind: Our thought patterns and behaviors fall into habitual patterns. And while these patterns can be beneficial (take less conscious time and energy), they can also allow us to fall into stagnation. Creativity is stifled, perspectives become limited, and we lose some flexibility and adaptability.
Change in perspective: When we’re in a rut, our perspective begins to narrow and we only see what we’re used to seeing. Getting away allows you to see the world with new eyes and notice what we had inadvertently become blind to.
Distraction-free environment: Our day-to-day lives are full of distractions – phone calls, email, instant messages, Facebook, a buzzing Blackberry, meetings, TV, taking the kids to practice, etc. The list is endless. A retreat allows you to put all of that aside for a short while. And with the distractions removed, our minds are free to quiet down and focus on what is before us.
Reconnection to potential and possibilities: No matter what type of retreat you are engaging in, there will likely be a spirit of new beginnings that permeates. Stepping away brings with it the hope of positive change and the expectation that we will find clarity and solutions. We are connected with the energy of potential and our hearts and minds become open to the possibilities.
Investment in the future: By nature, taking time to break away from your routine implies making an investment in a more promising future state. It is a time of learning and growth, of laying a strong foundation to build upon. You walk away with a new vision, new skills to try out in the “real world” and new awareness.
Knowing how valuable these days are to our spirit and success, I began offering private retreat programs to my coaching clients this year. If these principles work for business planning meetings, training sessions, yoga or spirituality, why couldn’t they work for career discovery?
After our days together, I’m seeing the light return to my client’s eyes. They have renewed hope and energy to make their dreams a reality. They’re walking away with a new connection to their authentic selves, inspiring visions of what’s possible and action steps to take to bring their visions to life. And then we’re spending our coaching time in the months following their retreats on building momentum, navigating unexpected hurdles and staying focused on the goal.
Taking time away from the day-to-day is essential in re-energizing, reconnecting and investing in a more fulfilling future.
When was the last time you took a day to yourself? What have your experiences with retreats been?
Yes and No
April 6, 2010
These are funny little words that hold great power over our day-to-day lives. We say the words so often that we can lose touch with their significance and the role they play in our happiness.
Yes and No are two sides of a coin. Each time we say Yes to something, we are in turn saying No to something else. And vice versa.
Many have written about this concept and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. What am I saying Yes or No to each day? How conscious am I of making these choices? What are the consequences of these choices – both positive and negative?
I’ve found that increasing my awareness around what I say Yes and No to is a great place to start intentionally aligning my actions to support my values and capitalize on my strengths and passions.
And although this sounds simple, it can be a little tricky.
For example, a client recently shared her frustration of having no time to devote to finding a new career path. She knows in her heart that she cannot continue on her current path yet she isn’t making enough time to make the change.
Her list of excuses included a laundry list of things she had over-committed to in her professional and personal life. When we went through the list, each one of them seemed like she “kinda got roped into doing it.” And most of them were generous and noble things to be involved in – helping to coordinate an event in her community, making the costumes for her daughter’s school play, helping out a colleague who needed extra hands on a project, taking care of a sick relative, etc.
For the most part, she didn’t want to be doing many of the things she committed to. But she saw little choice but to say Yes. She wants to be a good person and help others. But as a result of saying Yes to all these outside demands, she was saying No to herself and her happiness. And the more she continued to do these things, the more drained she got. And the less she had to give others. She fell into a common trap – saying Yes to everyone else in the hopes that it will be enough to sustain us.
So how do you start making a shift? How do you start saying Yes and No in a way that supports your happiness?
1. Notice: For one week, take note of all the moments when you have the opportunity to say yes or no. Do this at work and at home.
2. Flip the Coin: For each Yes, write down all the things you have said No to as a result. For each No, write down all the things you have said Yes to.
3. Reflect: Assess the consequences of each of your choices. How are they serving you? Are they allowing you to find long-term happiness? Are they allowing you to honor your values? Are they providing you ample opportunity to utilize your natural strengths to feel capable and effective? Are they allowing you to focus on self-care so you can make the contributions you desire?
These 3 simple steps: Notice, Flip the Coin and Reflect will serve to increase your awareness of the choices you have and how you make them. Being present in the moments of your life will allow you to intentionally shape the direction of your future.
What are your experiences with saying Yes and No? How has it shaped your life and affected your happiness?
“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.” – John C. Maxwell
What’s out beyond your headlights?
March 11, 2010
A recent post, How to Start, by my friend Phil Bolton of Less Ordinary Living got me thinking. In his post, he shares his struggles writing his blog posts and ponders what it takes to overcome the hurdles and get started.
At first, I reflected on my own writing process, the fits and starts I go through writi
ng blog posting and content for my newsletters, workshops, exercises and website. But after the initial chuckle of recognition wore off, I found myself reflecting on how getting started in writing is a lot like getting started in other parts of my career and life.
While I was reflecting, I picked up one of my favorite books, Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott and skimmed through the chapters. In my flipping, I found a quote I’d never noticed before. Lamott references E.L. Doctorow who is quoted as saying, “writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. “ The quote hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t help but whole-heartedly agree with Lamott’s remark that this was the best advice she ever got about writing and life.
Even if you only have a vague idea of what you’d like to do or where we want to go, get started. Drive the first 200 feet and see where it takes you. See what your headlights illuminate in those first 200 feet. There may be a bridge-out that forces you to turn around or find a new path. There may be a crossroads that forces you to make a new choice. But you might also find a road sign that says you’re on the right track.
My mind jumped back to Bolton’s blog, “The blank page. The blinking cursor.” They mock us when we’re trying to get started and can defeat us if we let them. Too often we believe that we have to know the whole story or the destination in order to write the first word or take the first step.
The same can be said of our careers. For many of us, the blinking cursor is the daily grind of waking up and going to a job we detest. The blank page is our deep desire of wanting a new direction but not knowing what our new destination is. We feel mocked. Eventually we feel defeated.
But if we go back to the words of Doctorow, we can find liberation in them. It’s not necessary to know the final destination. Perhaps it’s not even possible to know exactly what the final destination is. All we can do is shine those headlights and see what the next 200 feet reveal to us. Slow down. Explore. Take notes.
What clues can you find in what you see in front of you?
In what’s working and not working in your current job.
In what you like to do; dislike to do.
In what you’re passionate about.
In what you have a natural talent for (and what you don’t.)
In what your preferences are for the ideal environment that will nourish you and allow your best to shine.
Follow the signs. Take it one exit at a time. Correct your course along the way. Make a left turn if your attention is grabbed by something you like. Trust that you will make it to your destination by progressing 200 feet at a time, no matter which direction you take. You may find that the destination changes along the way. That’s ok. The key is to get started and keep taking it 200 feet at a time.
Action is the best way to overcome the overwhelming paralysis we can often feel when it comes to making a change in our careers and lives.
What are the next 200 feet of the road ahead revealing about your final destination?
A Call to Action – Life is Too Short Not to Face Fears
March 3, 2010
“I don’t have enough time to focus on myself.”
“It’s a luxury to have a career you love. No one enjoys work.”
“I can’t spend time or money on myself to figure out what will make me happy.”
“I’ll figure it out later. With the bad economy, I just have to put my head down and make money to pay the bills.”
Have you ever said these things? I know I’ve had these thoughts. And I hear them pretty often from friends, family, colleagues and clients.
Where do these beliefs come from, I began to wonder. And how are they serving us individually and collectively?
My guess is that these beliefs do protect us in some ways. On the surface, “not having enough time,” allows us to hide behind humility and virtue. It presents us an opportunity to not seem selfish. As human beings, we have a strong desire to be caretakers and supporters of our friends and loved ones around us. What we are taught reinforces this value that many of us hold. And to focus on our own wants and needs seems to contradict this value.
But is it a contradiction? Is carving out time to care of our own needs and seeing ourselves as worth it really in opposition of being supportive of others? I’m not sure. If we go deeper, we see that to be truly supportive of others in the way we desire, we must be at our best. This allows us to fully give our gifts to the world. And in order to be our best, we must see ourselves as worthy enough of the time it takes for self-care and an investment in our personal growth and development.
To simply say we don’t have enough time may be just another way we avoid facing our fears.
Fear of what you might ask? The list is long. It takes multiple shapes for many of us.
Fear of not finding the career that will fulfill us.
Fear of never finding enough clarity to move forward.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of making a change and still not being happy.
Fear of the difficult journey it will be to find and pursue a new path.
Fear that happiness and making money are mutually exclusive.
Fear that you will not be capable and effective if you pursue an area of passion.
The list could go on. The underlying fear as I see it, is a fear of the unknown.
It is human nature to fear the unknown – to choose unhappiness over uncertainty.
But although we have a great capacity to endure undesirable situations, there is something deep within us that knows it is worth doing something about. So what can we do about it? How can we begin to make the changes in ourselves in order to make a positive impact for our immediate circle and the world?
We find that in order to conquer a fear, we need to define it.
In Tim Ferris’ book, The 4-Hour Work Week, he has readers face what I see as a brilliant question in helping us define our fear of the unknown.
What is it costing you – financially, emotionally, and physically – to postpone action? Don’t only evaluate the potential downside of action. It is equally important to measure the atrocious cost of inaction. If you don’t pursue the things that excite you, where will you be in one year, five years, ten years? How will you feel having allowed circumstance to impose itself upon you and having allowed ten more years of your finite life to pass doing what you know will not fulfill you? If you telescope 10 years and know with 100% certainty that it is a path of disappointment and regret, and if we define risk as “the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome,” inaction is the greatest risk of all.
And I’d like to add, what is it costing those around you?
How is your inaction impacting your friends and loved ones? Your colleagues? The world at large?
We are all inter-connected. A change in how we see and treat ourselves will ripple out to the world. Change in the world starts with each one of us. If we all hold back and live from a place of fear, we will continue to build a world of full of distrust, unhappiness, lack and scarcity.
So the next time you find yourself saying, “I don’t have the time to invest in myself” or “I’ll wait until a better time to make a change,”
Ask yourself, “What is it costing me to postpone action?”
And remember…What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.
What Does Passion Got to Do with Career Success?
February 18, 2010
In my coaching, I often encounter women who “on paper” have all the success and happiness they could have imagined in their younger years. They have degrees from prestigious colleges; they’ve moved up the ladder and are in positions of management and leadership at successful companies; they live in or near exciting cities; they travel; they have the material comforts they desire.
Yet they’ve lost their passion in work and life. They have lost touch with what is meaningful and satisfying to them. And they are tired of watching their life fly by without time to enjoy it.
When they finally decided to reach out for coaching, they’re exhausted, frustrated, and lost. The first words I often hear are, “I know I want something different, I just don’t know what it is or how to find it.”
One of the first ways we begin turning the tide for them is to reconnect them with their passions. Now I know there’s a lot of talk about passions. We’ve all heard that if you “find your passion”, money and happiness will follow. It seems like magic, doesn’t it? Find the elusive “passion” and all will fall into place. But I’m a realist and know that for most of us, it’s not that simple.
So how do we in fact find what will make us happy in our work and life?
1. Look for clues in your past
An exercise I love using with clients is a Personal History. This exercise gives you the opportunity to reflect over your life.
What experiences defined you? What topics or activities were you attracted to as a kid, a teenager, and a young adult? What themes or patterns reveal themselves to you about where you derive happiness and strength?
These are “breadcrumbs” that point you in the direction of your passions, strengths, and values.
2. Pay attention to the moments that make you strong, satisfied and successful
Another challenge I love to pose to clients is to be an investigator of their current lives.
Grab a notebook and carry it around for a week taking note of the moments you enjoy, the times you have a smile on your face, the activities in which you “lose yourself,” the times when you feel strong and you’re using a natural talent or strength. Again, like in the Personal Histories, spend time looking at the patterns, clues and “breadcrumbs” that emerge.
Marcus Buckingham has a great definition of success in his latest book, Find Your Strongest Life. He says, “A strong woman feels successful. And by “successful”, I don’t mean that she is getting prizes, awards, and big fat bonuses – though she might be. I mean that she feels effective and capable.”
Effective and capable. I love that. It implies that we have the opportunity to fill our days with activities that allow us to use and express our unique strengths. That we get to let the best of us shine for all to see and that we’re acknowledged for those gifts. Without the opportunity to express these strengths and find affirmations of these strengths, we can lose our sense of who we truly are.
So once you identify these moments, what do you do with that knowledge?
3. Start adding more of these moments to your work and life
Often times, even after we’ve uncovered these clues, we’re still unsure if these “breadcrumbs” are truly pointing to a lifelong passion we want to build a career upon or simply to something we enjoy in our spare time. But in order to learn the truth, you must dive in and try. Start small if you have to. Change is a process and it comes easiest when you start to build momentum.
Clear your plate of a handful of activities that are out of alignment with your strengths and passions. Slowly add new activities that are in alignment. For example, ask to work on a special project at work, volunteer at an organization that you love, or take a class to learn something new or deepen a skill. Perhaps you look at your hobbies and push them to the next level to see if you want to have them be a bigger part of your life (e.g. an amateur photographer might enter photos in a contest or sell them online or at a local gallery.)
By diving in and trying these avenues out, you begin to grow clarity around your passions as well as increase your sense of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in your work and life.
Words of wisdom from Andrea Jung, Avon’s CEO
February 10, 2010
I had the privilege of sitting on a panel at NYU’s 18th Annual Stern Women in Business Conference on Friday. It was an inspiring day! Prospective students, current students, alumni and other professional women filled the crowd of over 300. There were corporate professionals, non-profit professional, entrepreneurs – all learning and connecting with each other.
The very appropriate theme of this year’s conference was Adaptation: Creating Opportunity on a Changing Environment. And the morning’s keynote speaker embodied the theme perfectly.
Andrea Jung, Chairman and CEO of Avon stood out from the crowd of black, navy and tan suits in her signature pearls and red dress. As CEO of Avon for the past 11 years, she is one of the most powerful and influential women in business. From the moment she stepped up to the podium and began speaking, her grace, humility and character had the audience captivated. Her words resonated with all of us and stayed with us throughout the day. She shared her personal story and a few key lessons she learned from mentors and coaches throughout her career.
“Follow your compass, not your clock.”
Like many of us, Andrea Jung wants to make an impact with her work. She shared how she had dreamed of joining the Peace Corp but did the “practical” thing and got a job out of college. But that desire to make a difference and have meaningful and fulfilling work stuck with her until she found her way to Avon.
Not only is she able to put her business acumen and innovative marketing skills to work in reviving the image of “your grandma’s company,” but she is also able to stand behind an organization known for making an impact in the lives of women across the globe everyday. Avon was one of the first, and still one of the few, companies that empower women to become entrepreneurs. Women in all parts of the world are earning money for their families, learning computer skills (all of Avon’s ordering is now done online), and through their independence becoming role models for younger generations. Not to mention that Avon is almost as well known for its charitable work as it is for its products – who hasn’t heard of the Avon Walks for Breast Cancer?
Her choice to have meaning and find passion in her work was put to the test in 1997 when she was passed over for promotion to CEO. Offers from other companies followed and she contemplated jumping ship. An honest conversation with a mentor reminder her of her need and desire to have passion in her work. Her mentor’s words, “Follow your compass, not your clock” helped her decide to stay on at Avon. Passion in her work was more important that having a fancy title. And that authentic and humble choice paid off. A short 20 months later, the job of CEO was hers.
“Fire yourself on Friday and rehire yourself on Monday.”
No matter what your role, there comes a moment in our careers when we need to look ourselves in the mirror and admit the path we’re on isn’t working and we need to change. But as we know, its human nature to resist change and to shy away from admitting we’re wrong. Jung faced this head-on at a critical moment in Avon’s history. She had been CEO for almost 5 years and although the company was making significant strides in turning their image around, it needed to do more if it was going to succeed. Hesitant to admit the strategies she had implemented weren’t working as well as expected, she was stuck watching the company fall behind.
Finally, her executive coach did what not many were willing to do and challenged Jung to have new, fresh eyes for her business or move on. He delivered the message in simple terms – ‘Fire yourself on Friday. Go home and really think about what the business needs to succeed. Hire yourself back on Monday in the new role as Turnaround Leader ready to make bold changes.’ And if she couldn’t do that, it was time to move on because she could no longer clearly separate herself from what the business needed to succeed. Having new, fresh eyes allows us to clearly see what bold changes need to happen.
“Bloom where you are planted.”
Throughout our careers, even the best of us are plagued by a bout of impatience. We want to move up the ladder quicker. We want to find the perfect role for us immediately. We want to make six (or seven) figures in our businesses. And most often, that impatience serves us well in driving us to succeed. However, we sometimes need to be reminded that it takes courage and perseverance to “bloom where you are planted.” This was a lesson Jung learned early on in her career. She was a new grad from Princeton and desperately wanted to be doing important work. She was frustrated with the entry-level tasks her boss had her doing. She even went home one day and declared to her parents that she was going to quit her job. They reminded her of the need to start from the bottom and work your way up. That its sometimes more courageous to persevere in your current situation. And this lesson helped her build the foundation she needed for her later success.
What about these three lessons resonates with you? What choices have you made at the defining moments of your career? What stories do you have to share?