Unexpected Retreat
August 31, 2010
Today’s post is by Karen Richter of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC
I am once again struck by the relevance of one of Carly’s blog posts. This time: Retreats – A Nourishing Investment
Cohesive Outcomes runs outdoor retreats – we spend time focusing on nature, the calmness it instills in our inner beings, which in turn allows us to reconnect with what is truly important to us, etc. So I obviously know and appreciate the benefits of a retreat. I’m always up for a retreat! What I didn’t stop to realize is that we can have little mini-retreats every day, without adding any additional time to our already too-full schedules.
I’ve been an on-again-off-again runner for years. This spring I’ve become determined to become “on-again” once again. I’ve been enjoying sporadic runs whenever I can fit them in. This morning was a little hectic at our house – our normal routine a bit rattled up because it was the last day of school after a weekend of graduation parties, etc. After the morning chaos, I rushed out the door to get in a jog before it got too hot (it is scheduled to be in the 90s again today). It was not until I drove the 5 miles to one of my favorite running spots (a biking trail through the woods along the lake) that I realized I forgot my Garmin Forerunner (a GPS-enabled sports trainer watch). I’m not a competitive runner or anything – I’m actually very slow. But I do enjoy keeping track of my progress – was I able to run the same distance in a shorter amount of time? Did my average pace quicken? Can I run the next mile quicker than I ran the last one? How does this workout compare to last week’s? How many miles have I run this month? This spring? This year?
So – this morning, I had forgotten my trusty tracking device. Now, it was just me, the woods, and the sunshine sparkling on the water, the birds, squirrels, and the sound of my own breathing. Instead of finding motivation from the competition against myself using my little running techno toy, I found myself completely relaxing and enjoying the total experience of the run. I never realized the slight stress that was being added to my run with all the data and analysis. But now I felt freer to simply run and enjoy. I was connecting with my gorgeous surroundings, and with myself. I felt so energized, so alive! I found myself reflecting back on Carly’s blog post about retreats, and feeling so excited that I was benefitting from a retreat experience – without even planning it!
And when I got back to my car, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had arrived back earlier than I anticipated! (I can’t help but compete against myself…) Without my trusty Forerunner telling me, I know I had a great run, with a quicker pace than usual. And that makes sense. When we are doing what we love, and focusing on the enjoyment of it, we can truly excel – with little or no effort!
This experience made it clear to me that a retreat doesn’t have to be an added activity – simply tack on some conscious awareness to activities you are already doing. It can be as easy as leaving technology at home as you go for your morning jog. Or clearing your head in the shower and getting really present in the moment. Instead of thinking about all the things you need to get done today, listen to all the sounds around you. Can you hear the birds outside over the din of the shower? How does the sound of the water coming out of the faucet differ from the sound of the water hitting the shower curtain and floor? How does the water feel as it hits your face? As it runs down your skin?
Or maybe your mini-retreat happens as you walk down your driveway to get the mail. Take a moment to enjoy the sun on your face (or the rain), the smell of the flowers, the sounds of the cars driving past and the kids laughing in the neighbor’s pool. Think about all that you have to be thankful for.
It’s amazing the effect a mini-retreat, in just a few minutes, can have on your whole being!
Where are some places you can incorporate a mini-retreat into your day?
Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’. As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.
Diary of a Recovering Thinkaholic
August 24, 2010
Another fun and insightful blog posting brought to you by Tracy Sullivan.
Hello, my name is Tracy and I’m a recovering think-aholic…
I’ve been a think-aholic for as long as I can remember. At an early age I learned that if a little thinking was good, a lot was better…
Makes sense, right?
WRONG…
This belief led me to what I call “think-aholism”.
Think-aholism is my made up term for what happens when I get stuck in thought, it’s usually brought on by stress – a new job, a new relationship, no relationship, giving a presentation, a change in plans, speaking up for what I want, even getting a new hairstyle!
Over-thinking’s downsides include anxiety, moodiness, indecision as well as stagnation, not living up to your full potential and it generally saps the joy out of life.
Who wants that? Not me!!
I knew I was a think-aholic when I kept hearing….
“You think too much, that’s your downfall.”
“You over analyze everything too much.”
“You are being too hard on yourself.”
So why the tendency to over-think?
Am I “hard-wired” that way? Did I learn this from my parents? Is it hormones? Am I too cautious? Afraid to make mistakes? It’s probably a combination.
You may have others reasons for your own over-thinking.
What I do know, is that over-thinking is a habit that can be broken.
One of the biggest culprits for me has always been fear. Fear of making a mistake, looking foolish, doing the “wrong” thing, people not agreeing with me. Also, if something doesn’t go as planned, I tend to ruminate about it – why it happened and what I should have done better, which keeps me stuck and in a down space– I call it analysis paralysis
When I’m paralyzed in thought it’s hard to find a solution or bounce back. It’s like I get lost in a maze of overly dramatic thoughts, get exhausted and lose steam. Then I’m suddenly in a bad mood. No fun for me or anyone near me.
Over the years though I have learned to recognize the signs and while there is no support group for us think-aholics, I have found a few things tend to snap me out of my think-aholic ways….
Break the cycle-
- Relax and let go- breathe, get up and just do something different – talk a walk, listen to music, clean your house… distract yourself.
- Get active – exercise is a natural mood lifter – it gets the blood flowing and often clears my head.
- Go outside – Being outside makes me feel more spacious and relaxed – often clearing my head and lifting my mood instantly.
- Note cards that say “STOP” on them – place them anywhere you look often – your office, your mirror, your car, your wallet – just looking at the word helps me shift my thinking to something else…
- Call a friend – run the problem past a friend who is a good problem solver, someone who is not an over-thinker like you – they will help you see things in a new light.
- Count your blessings – there is always something to be thankful for – I can always find something to be happy about… I’ve kept a gratitude journal near my bed for a few years and it’s been such a great practice – having the last thought before bed be a positive one has made a difference in how well I sleep and how I feel when I wake up.
“I’ve found that worry and irritation vanish into thin air the moment I open my mind to the many blessings I posses” -Dale Carnegie
Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuingblog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.
Revealing My True Self
August 17, 2010
Today’s post is brought to you by Karen S. Richter, owner and founder of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC
I try to do things right. But I’m beginning to see that the desire for perfection may just be another way to hide, not only our imperfections, but our true selves.
A perfect example: To prepare to be a guest blogger for Carly, I wanted to read all of her blog posts again to ensure that I could step into her shoes, mimic her style, and provide a seamless transition for her readers/followers. As I reread Carly’s blog posts, I found myself intimidated. She writes so well. Her words just flow. There is such profound meaning in her words. I found myself saying “I can’t do this. Who am I to be writing? No one wants to listen to me. I can’t be Carly.”
Then her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post hit me right between the eyes. Carly challenges us to shed layers of our false selves and to be authentic. And here I was, trying to develop a whole new false self – the “Carly fill-in”, “Carly2”. This blog post caused me to realize that I didn’t need to put up yet another layer of false self by trying to be Carly. My desire to learn Carly’s style was simply a way for me to hide my true self – to protect myself from getting hurt if Carly’s readers didn’t love me and/or what I had to say.
The blog post also caused me to realize how much I admire when someone else reveals their true self. (Carly shares the “sense of gratitude” in her client’s eyes that Carly “was willing to be human with her”.) I admire the courage it takes to open up and be vulnerable. Even more, I am grateful when they are willing to share their authentic self with me – it tells me that they feel safe enough with me to let their inner-being show. I feel honored that they trust me enough to place into my care, their emotional well-being.
It’s become clear to me that when we are only focused on our own emotions (especially feelings of insecurity), we are making the situation all about us. We are not allowing the others involved in the situation to be trusted and honored by sharing with them. We deprive them of those feelings of pride and satisfaction that come along when they feel someone trusts them with their most vulnerable self.
I am really taking to heart Carly’s blog about revealing our true selves. Here I am – writing as Karen, not as Karen-trying-to-be-Carly. I am using this blog as an opportunity to practice exactly what Carly shared with us – revealing our true selves. And, let me tell you, it comes as such a relief! It takes a lot of energy to play a role, to pretend to be something I’m not. It is so freeing, and I feel the stress dissipating. I am now much better able to go with the flow, and to trust in it. And it is so much easier to simply write what is in my head, and not feel the need to put it through a filter and a translator so it comes out looking like something Carly would write. I truly look forward to sharing more with you soon.
In her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post, Carly asks many questions. Continuing along that same train of thought, I pose the following questions:
- What’s holding you back from shedding the layers of your false self?
- How would it feel to honor others by showing trust and confidence in them?
To do: When you feel the need to hide your inner self, notice – who are you protecting? Are you making the situation all about you? How would it feel to instead think about the other person, and how honored and trusted they might feel if you opened up and revealed yourself to them?
Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’. As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.
To Stay Balanced – Let Go!
August 10, 2010
This post is brought to you by guest blogger Tracy Sullivan. Readers of Success Without a Suit will remember Tracy’s previous post, All About the Journey.
To Stay Balanced – Let Go. Great metaphor for life, huh?
I was reminded of this recently while flipping through vacation photos from the most amazing vacation to the Galapagos Islands a few years ago.
On a two and half hour bumpy speed-boat ride, our guide told us to best way to stay balanced was to just let go – not hold on to anything, let go of the railings – even raise our hands up high if we felt like it – but holding on would make it worse – would cause more jarring and banging around. So we all did it knowing we still had a long way to go… Wow!!! He was right – it worked! We were not getting banged around as much and guess what? It was fun!! Yep – imagine that, when we most wanted to hold on, we let go and that’s when we really started to have fun!! We were all laughing and having a great time instead of holding on to the railings for dear life… we all started to relax and roll with it all…really cool!
Instead of resisting the bumpiness, once we just let go and rolled with it, the ride was so much smoother AND we were able to stay balanced – literally, we were more balanced in our seats and figuratively in our perspective of the ride – it was more fun and felt smoother!
What an amazing metaphor for life I thought– I wanted to remember this life lesson – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect life experience. By literally and figuratively letting go – we found balance. Wow! It truly was one of those “a-ha” moments for me– I was laughing more, having a good time – versus being tense – “holding on” too tight… that’s when it hit me – this is how I want to live my life –I want to let go when I most felt like I wanted to hold on – when things got bumpy, when I got scared– I was going to let go more in my everyday life – not just on vacation– I vowed to remember this experience and what it taught me –
Live each day like you’re on vacation — let go, laugh, roll with it, have fun!!
What can you do to make today feel like you’re on vacation?
Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuing blog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.
Shedding Layers of the False Self
April 21, 2010
This past Monday I was lucky enough to spend the day at the barn with my friend and colleague Kathy Esper and the horses. Kathy is a coach certified in equine facilitated learning and in partnership with horses creates breakthroughs and transformations with her clients.
I have been a client of hers however this Monday, I partnered with Kathy to bring one of my clients to the barn for the experience.
And that’s what made my own breakthrough that day so unexpected.
Although the focus was on facilitating my client’s transformation, we each began our morning by setting intentions for the day. Without having preplanned it, the intention that came to me in the moment was to let go, to let loose and be silly; to be free and imperfect; to not care what I looked like or if I got it right or wrong; to just be open to the messiness of life and the curveballs it hurls our way.
It was in this mindset that I approached the day and the subtle synchronicity that followed took me a bit by surprise.
A late-morning exercise of pulling cards from the Free the Genie card deck beckoned me to “suspend my need for logic, data and practicality.” Was it a coincidence that this sounded a lot like the intention I set for the day? I was beginning to think not.
My curiosity was peaked, however these messages still didn’t mean much yet to me. The knowledge of them was still in my head – I hadn’t experienced it with the whole of my body and begun “to know” them at a cellular level.
Not until the afternoon lesson and exercise.
Kathy walked us through the process by which we create a false self throughout our lives to protect our egos and how we can begin to recognize our authentic or true self and free it from the binds of the false self. There are many ways the false self develops but the one that jumped off the page for me in flashing red lights was “energy is given to our image or how we look to others.”
A nervous giggle rose from my depths and my cheeks flushed with recognition and shame. How much energy do I still devote towards crafting my image and worrying what others think of me? More than I care to admit I’m afraid.
Here I was, coaching my client through a shedding of her false self and I was still clinging to pieces of mine. Do I admit it to her? Do I share my weakness and vulnerability, my imperfection?
I thought back to my intention of the morning and from the depths of my inner being, the answer was clear. Yes – I must admit it. And I did. I choked on my words as they first began to emerge but they got stronger as they flowed. I saw in her eyes a sense of gratitude that I was willing to be human with her. That I wasn’t above or beyond her in some way but right there with her in the sometimes painful and messy journey of personal development.
And if that didn’t stretch me out of my comfort zone, what happened next certainly did.
Kathy turned to me minutes before we were about to begin and shared that due to some other activities happening at the barn that day, we had to adapt our afternoon exercise with the horses. Although Kathy had planned to be the lead in coaching my client through the exercise (she was the certified expert after all), she now turned to me and said the only way it could be done was for me to take the lead.
The voice of fear (my false self) screamed in my head, “But I don’t know how to do this! I haven’t had time to prepare. You didn’t tell me I was going to have to do this. What if I do it wrong? What if I look stupid in front of my client and she wants to stop working with me?”
Then a tingle of excitement and anticipation spread throughout my body; a slight grin crossed my lips. Here was my stretch for the day. Here was my opportunity to live my intention. Here was a chance to shed a layer of my false self and further allow my true self to see the light of day.
I stepped up and took the lead in coaching my client through the exercise. Within moments, the world, the fears and the voice in my head fell away. It was just her and I, connected on a deep level. The questions I asked emerged from an unknown source. All fell into place. And not only did the horse we were working with recognize the connection and shift, but one by one the nearby horses stood and watched us. They held the space for us and knew something of great importance was happening for the two of us.
I am so happy that the day was transformational for my client. She confronted a block she’d been carrying with her for a while and was able to break through it.
And I am eternally grateful for the learning opportunity she provided me with that day. I walked away a better coach and a more authentic version of myself. There’s one less layer of my false self remaining.
How have you shed layers of your false self?
Where is your false self still clinging on?
What can you do to shed another layer and allow your true self to emerge?
Is meditation part of your life?
April 1, 2010
We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. -Dalai Lama
For many years, I heard about how adding meditation to your day could significantly increase your happiness, satisfaction and health as well as reduce stress.
At first, I wasn’t convinced. I just didn’t get it. I thought to myself, “I have no time to waste on meditation! I can’t sit still and do nothing for 30 minutes!!! And what is meditation anyway and how do I do it??”
Over time, when things started to get stressful at work and in my personal life, I began looking for a way to get through it. I slowly became open to the idea of meditation and began to learn about different techniques and try them out.
Although I’m not yet disciplined to have a daily meditation practice, my experience over the past several years has shown me how beneficial it can be. I have gone from frantic states to a sense of calm and inner peace. In my work and in my personal life, I have seen how finding calmness in my inner world allows me to manage my external world. My moods are more even, I am able to refresh and energize myself without caffeine, and I am able to be more efficient in my work.
For instance, this past week, the gray skies and constant rain were getting to me. Congestion and a sore throat had me tired and foggy-headed. Stress started to increase and focus started to decrease. I knew I couldn’t get through the rest of my day until I did something to change the course I was on.
So instead of listening to that old voice that said meditation was a waste of time and that I needed to just sit there until I got my work done, I stepped away from my desk for 45 valuable minutes. I listened to my CD, Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace by Susie Mantell. And I followed it with 15 minutes of stretching and using my Back Buddy to release tension in my neck and shoulders.
Forty-five minutes later, my perspective had shifted. My neck pain and tension melted away. I got back to my desk and there in my inbox were a few emails I had been waiting for and all contained good news. And I knocked off several items that had been lingering on my to-do list all week. Plus I had enough energy to entertain the members of my book club that were coming over that night.
I know I have a long way to go to improve my meditation practice, but I suspect it will always be in my life. I guess that’s why they call it a practice. It takes dedication to incorporate into your life and years to increase your skill and ability. I thank all of you who encouraged me to try meditation and hope to inspire others to give it a try.
Do you meditate?
What are your favorite techniques? Do you have any favorite CDs or DVDs?
How has meditation made a positive difference in your life?
What inspirational stories do you have to give others out there reason to give it a try?
Or have you thought about meditation but were afraid to try?
“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.” - Buddha
Birthday Meanings and Celebrations
March 25, 2010
My birthday is next week and it’s got me thinking about the rituals we have for marking the occasion. This year, its one of those “big” ones (you know, the ones that end in either a 5 or a 0.) What does it mean? How do I celebrate?
I’ll admit that this year is no different than most; I’m filled with a little anxiety as the day approaches. “What do you want to do for your birthday?” my husband has started to ask. My typical response is, “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it much.” Life is busy and despite the fact that each year I want to give my birthday special attention, it usually approaches quickly and is gone before I know it.
What is it about birthdays? For me, I don’t have fear about getting older (although I admit I’m not happy with the increasing number of gray hairs or wrinkles I have.) My anxiety comes from wanting to find a significant way to mark the day. To properly acknowledge it’s meaning. But why do I have all these expectations weighing on me to mark it the right way? Do others feels this same way?
Meanings
What exactly is the meaning of birthdays? Why do we give them significance?I’m not sure I have the answers to those questions. These questions give rise to many others for me. Is it a celebration of the day we entered this world? Is it a day to mark that “I survived another year”? Is it recognition of the impact we’ve had in our lives? Is it just an excuse to eat, drink and be merry with friends and loved ones?
I’ve always thought of my birthday as the start of my new year – literally a day of rebirth for me. A day when I acknowledge that I’ve managed to make it through another year on the roller coaster of life; a day to take stock of all that I’m grateful for; a day to look ahead to what the next year of life has to offer. It’s a day that gives me new hope. Just as the tree and flower buds hold the potential of Summer’s abundance, the 29th of March holds the promise of 365 upcoming days to collect meaningful and fulfilling moments of life – to honor my values, to accomplish goals, learn and grow as a human being, to build new relationships and to strengthen old ones.
Celebrations
Big parties? Small intimate dinners or lunches? A cake with candles? Indulging in your favorite foods? A day of pampering? Getting away? Jump out of an airplane?
How to celebrate? This might be the part that causes the most anxiety for me. There’s something in me that feels like celebrating my birthday in a big way is self-indulgent. Like I’m making the assumption that others want to be part of celebrating “me.” But if its about marking all that the year has held for you and the promise of what’s to come, what’s better than surrounding yourself with love and spending the occasion with close friends and loved ones?
My guess is that they way you choose celebrate is all about the meaning you attribute to your birthday. This year, all I have planned so far is a home-cooked dinner with a small handful of close friends and family. I’m also giving myself the day off of work. I’d like to spend time outside in nature (weather permitting) and maybe partake in a little self-care by scheduling a much-needed haircut and maybe even a massage. Feels like a good plan but not sure it captures all that I’d like it to.
I’m very open to ideas and would love your help. What meaning does your birthday hold for you? What do you do to celebrate your birthday? Any favorite traditions you keep?
Anticipation
March 17, 2010
Expect the best. The world is working in your favor. -Cheryl Richardson
Two weeks from today will mark the one-year anniversary of when I left corporate America to launch my coaching business. The past year has flown by and it’s hard to believe how different my life is. I am fully engaged in meaningful and fulfilling work. I am taking care of myself and I have quality time with my friends and loved ones. Today, I’m filled with an appreciation of all I have and an anticipation of a richer, stronger future, and at the same time, I cant’ help but think of where I was one year ago.
The year leading up to my departure was a difficult one. Over the course of 12 months, I suffered two miscarriages, the second coming on the same day it was announced that the department I worked in was being dismantled (one of the many reorganization efforts to address the declining economic conditions.). Of my team of 50, 25 were laid off, 20 were asked to stay on temporarily to fulfill the team’s commitments and 5 were given new jobs.
I was one of the “lucky” five. But I didn’t feel so lucky. I didn’t want the role I was given (it was far from a good match with my strengths and interests) but I saw no choice but to take it. My visions of a future family and my career vanished in an instant.
At the time I was still reeling from my first miscarriage, so it’s an understatement to say I was in shock. I couldn’t find my footing. For the first time I could remember, I couldn’t see a way to process what was happening.
I couldn’t move on, so I threw myself into what I thought I did have control over.
I dove headlong into my new job and getting to know my new boss and team. I scheduled test after test with my doctor to try and uncover the reason why I was losing my pregnancies. I spent hours on the phone helping my colleagues manage their job losses.
The days turned to weeks and then to months and I hadn’t begun to process or grieve my losses. I was numb. I had no confidence. I’d burst into tears at the slightest thing.
I knew for certain that the job was a bad fit and draining the last bits of energy I had left. The hours were grueling and I wasn’t sleeping well. I developed TMJ and severe back and neck pain, and most painful of all, I saw how I was becoming more and more detached from friends and family. They were watching me disintegrate. But they didn’t know how to help and I didn’t know how to ask for what I needed.
Slowly, I began to confide in my coach and a handful of trusted friends and family members. I asked for guidance. It wasn’t easy, but I realized that what I needed was time to grieve and assess what was next. I began to explore different options to get the time I needed. The more I learned about my options, the more I leaned towards taking a leave of absence. It would give me the time to focus on my health and wellbeing in a way that didn’t jeopardize my job.
After what felt like weeks of paperwork, my medical leave was approved. Over the next 9 weeks, I let myself grieve. I fully felt all of my emotions. I took time to heal my mind and body. I reconnected with loved ones. And I took the time to re-evaluate the priorities and purpose of my life.
Gone were my innocent notions that I could easily start a family or that having a job at a big company meant “security.” That much was certain. But in its place I found this simple recognition: life is short, and I deserve to pursue what makes me happy, healthy and fulfilled.
Those weeks allowed me to be comfortable with a thought that had been percolating for some time. The time was here to leave the “safety” of corporate America to follow my passions and launch my own coaching business. I would set out to help women like me navigate their career and life transitions. And I would build a life centered around fulfillment, health, and authenticity. I would become the role model I could be proud of for when the day came that I would be a mother.
I knew it was going to be challenging but deep inside I had an inner knowing and confidence that for the first time in my life, I was on the right path.
There have been ups and downs this past year but I am thrilled to share that there have been more ups than downs. Like most couples, my husband and I worry about money but we take comfort in our ability to save and plan while building a strong and profitable business. And although we have had to sacrifice some of the material comforts we once took for granted, we have re-connected with the simple things that bring us joy in life. Most importantly time with each other and with loved ones.
And best of all, I am doing work that I love, with people that I admire and am thrilled that I’m 21 weeks into a healthy pregnancy.
With great anticipation, I look forward to the days ahead and to my new role as a mother and emerging role as a successful business owner. I know things will be tough in the future – life always has its ups and downs. But I now know that I can handle whatever comes my way with the support of my friends and family.
“I am happy for this day and I expect good things – surprise me!”
What’s out beyond your headlights?
March 11, 2010
A recent post, How to Start, by my friend Phil Bolton of Less Ordinary Living got me thinking. In his post, he shares his struggles writing his blog posts and ponders what it takes to overcome the hurdles and get started.
At first, I reflected on my own writing process, the fits and starts I go through writi
ng blog posting and content for my newsletters, workshops, exercises and website. But after the initial chuckle of recognition wore off, I found myself reflecting on how getting started in writing is a lot like getting started in other parts of my career and life.
While I was reflecting, I picked up one of my favorite books, Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott and skimmed through the chapters. In my flipping, I found a quote I’d never noticed before. Lamott references E.L. Doctorow who is quoted as saying, “writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. “ The quote hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t help but whole-heartedly agree with Lamott’s remark that this was the best advice she ever got about writing and life.
Even if you only have a vague idea of what you’d like to do or where we want to go, get started. Drive the first 200 feet and see where it takes you. See what your headlights illuminate in those first 200 feet. There may be a bridge-out that forces you to turn around or find a new path. There may be a crossroads that forces you to make a new choice. But you might also find a road sign that says you’re on the right track.
My mind jumped back to Bolton’s blog, “The blank page. The blinking cursor.” They mock us when we’re trying to get started and can defeat us if we let them. Too often we believe that we have to know the whole story or the destination in order to write the first word or take the first step.
The same can be said of our careers. For many of us, the blinking cursor is the daily grind of waking up and going to a job we detest. The blank page is our deep desire of wanting a new direction but not knowing what our new destination is. We feel mocked. Eventually we feel defeated.
But if we go back to the words of Doctorow, we can find liberation in them. It’s not necessary to know the final destination. Perhaps it’s not even possible to know exactly what the final destination is. All we can do is shine those headlights and see what the next 200 feet reveal to us. Slow down. Explore. Take notes.
What clues can you find in what you see in front of you?
In what’s working and not working in your current job.
In what you like to do; dislike to do.
In what you’re passionate about.
In what you have a natural talent for (and what you don’t.)
In what your preferences are for the ideal environment that will nourish you and allow your best to shine.
Follow the signs. Take it one exit at a time. Correct your course along the way. Make a left turn if your attention is grabbed by something you like. Trust that you will make it to your destination by progressing 200 feet at a time, no matter which direction you take. You may find that the destination changes along the way. That’s ok. The key is to get started and keep taking it 200 feet at a time.
Action is the best way to overcome the overwhelming paralysis we can often feel when it comes to making a change in our careers and lives.
What are the next 200 feet of the road ahead revealing about your final destination?
A Call to Action – Life is Too Short Not to Face Fears
March 3, 2010
“I don’t have enough time to focus on myself.”
“It’s a luxury to have a career you love. No one enjoys work.”
“I can’t spend time or money on myself to figure out what will make me happy.”
“I’ll figure it out later. With the bad economy, I just have to put my head down and make money to pay the bills.”
Have you ever said these things? I know I’ve had these thoughts. And I hear them pretty often from friends, family, colleagues and clients.
Where do these beliefs come from, I began to wonder. And how are they serving us individually and collectively?
My guess is that these beliefs do protect us in some ways. On the surface, “not having enough time,” allows us to hide behind humility and virtue. It presents us an opportunity to not seem selfish. As human beings, we have a strong desire to be caretakers and supporters of our friends and loved ones around us. What we are taught reinforces this value that many of us hold. And to focus on our own wants and needs seems to contradict this value.
But is it a contradiction? Is carving out time to care of our own needs and seeing ourselves as worth it really in opposition of being supportive of others? I’m not sure. If we go deeper, we see that to be truly supportive of others in the way we desire, we must be at our best. This allows us to fully give our gifts to the world. And in order to be our best, we must see ourselves as worthy enough of the time it takes for self-care and an investment in our personal growth and development.
To simply say we don’t have enough time may be just another way we avoid facing our fears.
Fear of what you might ask? The list is long. It takes multiple shapes for many of us.
Fear of not finding the career that will fulfill us.
Fear of never finding enough clarity to move forward.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of making a change and still not being happy.
Fear of the difficult journey it will be to find and pursue a new path.
Fear that happiness and making money are mutually exclusive.
Fear that you will not be capable and effective if you pursue an area of passion.
The list could go on. The underlying fear as I see it, is a fear of the unknown.
It is human nature to fear the unknown – to choose unhappiness over uncertainty.
But although we have a great capacity to endure undesirable situations, there is something deep within us that knows it is worth doing something about. So what can we do about it? How can we begin to make the changes in ourselves in order to make a positive impact for our immediate circle and the world?
We find that in order to conquer a fear, we need to define it.
In Tim Ferris’ book, The 4-Hour Work Week, he has readers face what I see as a brilliant question in helping us define our fear of the unknown.
What is it costing you – financially, emotionally, and physically – to postpone action? Don’t only evaluate the potential downside of action. It is equally important to measure the atrocious cost of inaction. If you don’t pursue the things that excite you, where will you be in one year, five years, ten years? How will you feel having allowed circumstance to impose itself upon you and having allowed ten more years of your finite life to pass doing what you know will not fulfill you? If you telescope 10 years and know with 100% certainty that it is a path of disappointment and regret, and if we define risk as “the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome,” inaction is the greatest risk of all.
And I’d like to add, what is it costing those around you?
How is your inaction impacting your friends and loved ones? Your colleagues? The world at large?
We are all inter-connected. A change in how we see and treat ourselves will ripple out to the world. Change in the world starts with each one of us. If we all hold back and live from a place of fear, we will continue to build a world of full of distrust, unhappiness, lack and scarcity.
So the next time you find yourself saying, “I don’t have the time to invest in myself” or “I’ll wait until a better time to make a change,”
Ask yourself, “What is it costing me to postpone action?”
And remember…What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.