All About the Journey
February 23, 2010
Today’s post was written by guest blogger and my dear friend and colleague, Tracy Sullivan.
The 5:05 or the 5:12? I asked myself this question one ordinary weekday as I was planning my commute home from NY to NJ.
The 5:05 train will get me home faster. No need to transfer trains or wait on a cold platform. I’ll have to hustle, but I decided I can do it.
The next 30 minutes are a blur. I throw on my coat, strap on my backpack. My mission is to catch the 5:05. No one can stop me. My breath quickens, my neck tightens, and my face is serious with a look that says “out of my way!”
Off I go – sprinting through the streets of lower Manhattan. With each step I’m lost in my thoughts –
“Will I make it?”
“Why won’t this person get out of my way?”
“Don’t they know I have to catch the 5:05???”
“Oh man I wish I had on my sneakers – these shoes are killing me!”
“I don’t know if I’ll make it! Tick-tock!”
“Damn – this sucks, I want to make the 5:05! 5:05! 5:05!!!”
I am so fixated on the time it’s as if I might vanish into thin air if I don’t make this 5:05 train.
Back to my racing thoughts, “what’s so important about this 5:05 train anyway?” My mind begins to shift – “Isn’t there another train right after? Wouldn’t it be easier to simply slow down, relax and just take the 5:12?”
Yeah, sure, that makes sense.
“But no, I REALLY want to make the 5:05 – I said that was the train I was going to take – damn it, I’m taking that train!!”
I’m almost there — out of breath, feet hurting, sweating, back aching, running down the stairs to catch the PATH train that will take me to the 5:05 commuter train.
Phew, I made it!! I congratulate myself for this amazing feat. But I soon realize the PATH train is not moving. It’s DELAYED!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!! I realize after all that running and stressing out, I’m not even going to make the 5:05 after all.
Then the strangest thing happens… in an instant, I relax. The option for the 5:05 was now off the table; the choice was made for me. I realize there was a 5:12 train all along and I would definitely make that train. I took out my iPod and let myself enjoy some tunes.
“Ha! This seems ridiculous!” I said to myself, “only now could I finally relax?!?!”
On the rest of my commute home I thought about other goals in my life and where I need to relax and let things be. That’s easy – the pursuit of marriage and children. Instead of putting pressure on myself to be married by “X” age, I need to give myself permission to enjoy the ride instead of worrying about “missing the train.”
So often we find ourselves focused only on reaching goals that we miss the point – it’s about the journey, not the destination. Life is about making the most of every day. Savoring and celebrating all that you can while you move closer and closer towards your destination/end-goal.
So, I thought to myself, how do I want to live my life? On the path of the 5:05 (struggle, stress and worry)? Or relaxed, happy and enjoying the journey to my destination via the 5:12 train?
Either way, I’ll still make it to my destination (later than I expected) but happier and more relaxed. All I need to do is let go of trying to control when, where and how I’ll get there.
Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy. –Sarah Ban Breathnach
When Tracy Sullivan is not chasing down trains, she enjoys her life in Bedminster, NJ — good friends, a family she’s close to, and a career in Human Resources. She looks forward meeting the right guy to share that with, and in turn, to share his life, friends, and family.
Words of wisdom from Andrea Jung, Avon’s CEO
February 10, 2010
I had the privilege of sitting on a panel at NYU’s 18th Annual Stern Women in Business Conference on Friday. It was an inspiring day! Prospective students, current students, alumni and other professional women filled the crowd of over 300. There were corporate professionals, non-profit professional, entrepreneurs – all learning and connecting with each other.
The very appropriate theme of this year’s conference was Adaptation: Creating Opportunity on a Changing Environment. And the morning’s keynote speaker embodied the theme perfectly.
Andrea Jung, Chairman and CEO of Avon stood out from the crowd of black, navy and tan suits in her signature pearls and red dress. As CEO of Avon for the past 11 years, she is one of the most powerful and influential women in business. From the moment she stepped up to the podium and began speaking, her grace, humility and character had the audience captivated. Her words resonated with all of us and stayed with us throughout the day. She shared her personal story and a few key lessons she learned from mentors and coaches throughout her career.
“Follow your compass, not your clock.”
Like many of us, Andrea Jung wants to make an impact with her work. She shared how she had dreamed of joining the Peace Corp but did the “practical” thing and got a job out of college. But that desire to make a difference and have meaningful and fulfilling work stuck with her until she found her way to Avon.
Not only is she able to put her business acumen and innovative marketing skills to work in reviving the image of “your grandma’s company,” but she is also able to stand behind an organization known for making an impact in the lives of women across the globe everyday. Avon was one of the first, and still one of the few, companies that empower women to become entrepreneurs. Women in all parts of the world are earning money for their families, learning computer skills (all of Avon’s ordering is now done online), and through their independence becoming role models for younger generations. Not to mention that Avon is almost as well known for its charitable work as it is for its products – who hasn’t heard of the Avon Walks for Breast Cancer?
Her choice to have meaning and find passion in her work was put to the test in 1997 when she was passed over for promotion to CEO. Offers from other companies followed and she contemplated jumping ship. An honest conversation with a mentor reminder her of her need and desire to have passion in her work. Her mentor’s words, “Follow your compass, not your clock” helped her decide to stay on at Avon. Passion in her work was more important that having a fancy title. And that authentic and humble choice paid off. A short 20 months later, the job of CEO was hers.
“Fire yourself on Friday and rehire yourself on Monday.”
No matter what your role, there comes a moment in our careers when we need to look ourselves in the mirror and admit the path we’re on isn’t working and we need to change. But as we know, its human nature to resist change and to shy away from admitting we’re wrong. Jung faced this head-on at a critical moment in Avon’s history. She had been CEO for almost 5 years and although the company was making significant strides in turning their image around, it needed to do more if it was going to succeed. Hesitant to admit the strategies she had implemented weren’t working as well as expected, she was stuck watching the company fall behind.
Finally, her executive coach did what not many were willing to do and challenged Jung to have new, fresh eyes for her business or move on. He delivered the message in simple terms – ‘Fire yourself on Friday. Go home and really think about what the business needs to succeed. Hire yourself back on Monday in the new role as Turnaround Leader ready to make bold changes.’ And if she couldn’t do that, it was time to move on because she could no longer clearly separate herself from what the business needed to succeed. Having new, fresh eyes allows us to clearly see what bold changes need to happen.
“Bloom where you are planted.”
Throughout our careers, even the best of us are plagued by a bout of impatience. We want to move up the ladder quicker. We want to find the perfect role for us immediately. We want to make six (or seven) figures in our businesses. And most often, that impatience serves us well in driving us to succeed. However, we sometimes need to be reminded that it takes courage and perseverance to “bloom where you are planted.” This was a lesson Jung learned early on in her career. She was a new grad from Princeton and desperately wanted to be doing important work. She was frustrated with the entry-level tasks her boss had her doing. She even went home one day and declared to her parents that she was going to quit her job. They reminded her of the need to start from the bottom and work your way up. That its sometimes more courageous to persevere in your current situation. And this lesson helped her build the foundation she needed for her later success.
What about these three lessons resonates with you? What choices have you made at the defining moments of your career? What stories do you have to share?
Just Do It! Advice From Nike in 2010
January 27, 2010
I’m being haunted by a voice in my head. The longtime slogan of Nike keeps ringing in my ears – JUST DO IT!
It seems to be my emerging theme for 2010.
As 2009 drew to a close, I began to notice in many of my clients, in myself and in those around me a collective “holding back”. Action seemed to take a back burner during the holiday months as the fears of the economy mounted and frustrations of draining, unfulfilling work got the best of us.
For me, it showed up as a kind of paralysis. My list of to do’s was long, yet each day I spent more time staring at my list than I did accomplishing even the most minor of tasks on it. I knew I should be doing more yet there was this feeling of “waiting” that came over me.
“Why start something new now?” the voice questioned, “It’s the holidays. Take time off. Don’t work so hard. Wait until January.”
Was this normal holiday haze or was it something different? The frustrating part for me was that I knew what I needed to do. I had taken the time to plan. I had taken the time to explore my fears and know what my blocks were. But still, there was no action.
As I probed deeper, memories from my last December in corporate America came flooding to my mind and body. The exhaustion caused by the long hours and the push to get the last bit of work done before the holiday break. I remembered my resentment at the late evening and weekend phone calls with my team that crept into my celebration and shopping time. And unconsciously there was this protective part of me that wasn’t going to let that happen this year now that I was my own boss.
But was I stuck in neutral in spite of myself? Was I really protecting myself or was I hurting myself and my business? My guess is that I won’t know until more time passes and I have the clarity of hindsight. (I’ll keep you posted.)
And despite the lack of clarity, something did shift for me. In the days leading up to the New Year, the itch began to grow. I started checking things off my list and getting excited to start work again.
And now that 2010 is in full swing, I am seeing the results of my new Just Do It! motto. How am I doing it? By following a few simple “rules” I’ve learned over the years.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post when I’ll share these simple tips.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you. What was your energy like at the close of 2009? Has that changed in 2010? What are you doing to stay in action and move towards your goals?
Permission to Wallow Part 2 – Purposeful Wallowing
January 13, 2010
This post originally ran on September 3, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
Yesterday, we discussed wallowing and explored its benefits. I shared how as a coach, I could get behind encouraging wallowing as a tool to gain insight and help you move forward. Today, I thought we’d to continue exploring by getting deeper into a real life example and sharing some practical ways for you to make the most of your wallowing.
Laura’s Story
Laura is a bright, energetic, driven corporate leader who’s worked her way up the ladder. She has invested 16 years into her career and is recognized as a subject matter expertise in her field. But something is missing and she’s burnt out. We began our work together by exploring a career path that would put her skills to use in a consulting capacity. It seemed like the logical thing to do and she was taking every step she was supposed to in order to generate leads and opportunities. In our last meeting however, she was still feeling stressed out and uneasy. So we took the opportunity to explore how she was feeling and get behind what they might be revealing to her. We explored what felt off, what felt right. We explored when in her work she felt stressed and when she felt strong and confident. Something began to shift in Laura. The tension began to break and you could see her sinking into her emotions. Over the following two weeks, Laura took time to wallow in those feelings and continue to look for the messages they might be sending her about her next career step. When I spoke with her yesterday, she was bubbling over with energy. Her deep reflection revealed a potential career path that she had never considered. She couldn’t believe she had previously overlooked it as an option. Her wallowing allowed her to confront and release her built up emotions. And when she paid attention to the root of her emotions, she was able to see a world of possibilities opening up before her.
The next time you feel a period of wallowing coming on, make the most of it. Pull out your journal and begin to capture all the feelings you’re having. Take a deep breath and truly allow yourself to experience your emotions. And ask yourself some reflective questions* about your emotions:
Fear – What is the threat? Is it real or perceived? What must I do to move into a position of safety?
Vulnerability – What belief, behavior or perception is being challenged? How might my life change if I accept and adapt to this new insight?
Anger – What must be protected? What boundary must be restored?
Frustration – What is the block? What can I do differently? Who can I ask for ideas or assistance?
Sadness (when you know loss is coming) – What must be released? What must be rejuvenated?
Grief (when you have no choice about the loss) – What must be mourned?
*Questions are adapted from The Emotional Life of Horses by Linda Kohanov. Copyright 2005 by Epona Equestrian Services. http://www.taoofequus.com/linda_kohanov.html
Career Transition – Permission to Wallow
January 13, 2010
This post originally ran on September 2, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
In response to a recent posting about Terri’s 4-month journey to find a more meaningful role before being deported, one of our readers, Ellen, shared that rather than feeling motivated by Terri’s success, she somehow felt bad about it – like she couldn’t relate to this seemingly idyllic, inspirational tale. What about when we hit roadblocks, she wondered, or when we lack clarity and we’re overwhelmed by our emotions?
In her last line, Ellen somewhat sheepishly asked for permission to wallow in her emotions and it got me thinking. Why can’t we wallow, I wondered? Are there only downsides or can there be actual benefits to wallowing? And as a coach, could I encourage it as part of the career change process? What I discovered was overwhelming and unexpected. Yes! I can definitely get behind wallowing…to a point and with a purpose.
After much thought and reflection on my own career journey and the journey of the hundreds of clients I have worked with, few if any, were without setbacks and periods of sadness, frustration, anger and doubt. Yet it seems that for many of us, we’re afraid to sit too long with our feelings and emotions. We’ve come to see wallowing defined as self-pity, being self-absorbed and stagnating.
Well the way I’m looking at wallowing is somewhat different. Let me explain my line of thought.
wallow [wol-oh] –verb (used without object)
1. to roll about or lie in water, snow, mud, dust, or the like, as for refreshment: Goats wallowed in the dust.
2. to live self-indulgently; luxuriate; revel: to wallow in luxury; to wallow in sentimentality.
When reading the definition, you can see that wallowing implies being in the moment, allowing yourself the time and space to really take it all in, the good and bad. And from this perspective, I think wallowing in your emotions can be beneficial. In our career transitions, as in many other aspects of our work and life, we are very rarely encouraged to slow down and breathe; to regroup and reassess. As I see it, that’s what wallowing is all about. Wallowing allows you the opportunity to deeply feel your emotions and listen to the messages they are sending.
This quiet time allows you to really be with your emotions. If we take the time to really let our emotions in, we take a critical step towards being able to release them and move forward with greater ease. Additionally, we can learn powerful things from the messages they are sending us. Just don’t let yourself get stuck in the emotional mud.
So Ellen, permission is granted! We all need to do a bit of wallowing in order to be successful. Roll around in your feelings, revel in them. Learn all you can from them and use the insight to move you into inspired action.
Stay tuned for tomorrow when we’ll look at some ways to make the most of your wallowing.
Do You Trust What You Know? – Intuitive Knowledge
January 13, 2010
This post originally ran on August 12, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
I bounced over to Jaye, the 28-year old dark brown, wise and majestic mare, with curry comb and brush in hand. The instructions from my coach Kathy were simple – I had 10 minutes to groom the horse and notice what I was feeling. I was in good spirits that day at the barn. I’d been working on getting my life in order and the results were showing. How hard could this job be, I thought? But as soon as I started using the comb to release dirt, Jaye turned her head to look at me. What did that mean? Was she uncomfortable? A moment later when she backed away, ever so slightly, I got my answer.
A horse is a powerful mirror.
The smile and hop in my step were quickly disappearing. Jaye and I were both uneasy and agitated. I didn’t like it. But I kept on going. And finally as I passed behind her to groom her other side, something happened. A deep breath entered my lungs without conscious thought. A release swept over my body and there was a noticeable weakness in my knees. I laid a hand on her to steady myself as I groomed with the other. We fell into sync. We were connected.
I knew instantly in that moment that Jaye had picked up on what was really going on with me before I did. She saw through my positive exterior and instantly recognized the fear deep inside. Uh, oh. But as I checked in with the feeling, I realized the fear was there, but it wasn’t paralyzing. It was that excited kind of fear; like when you’re on the brink of an amazing new journey. Ahh! So this is what I was meant to learn, huh? This is what you were trying to make me see!
Jaye reflected my mismatched emotions back to me until I paid attention. I wanted to hug her. Her gift was powerful. I felt warm, appreciative, known, accepted. I felt authentic, empowered, courageous. I was ready to face my fears.
And then it happened.
I looked up at my coach, flashed a smile loaded with the message, “I am complete with Jaye; is it ok if I’m done?” She smiled back giving no indication I had permission to stop. My 10 minutes must not be up yet. What do I do now?
So I ignored my gut and did what I was “supposed” to. I moved back to Jaye’s right side and kept on grooming until my 10 minutes were up. Those last two minutes were excruciating. We got agitated again. We lost our connection. I suddenly felt I was on stage for my audience to critique. I was doing it wrong. I let Jaye down. I failed. Everyone else was better than me. I ran back to my seat as fast as I could when time was called.
As she debriefed with me, my coach Kathy challenged me, “Where else in your business or life do you stop yourself from acting on your intuition? How has that held you back?” Another participant of the workshop threw in another one, ”Are you trying to be the “good girl” and do it “right” rather than taking authentic action?”
My mind raced through past experience where I ignored my intuition to disastrous results and those where I listened and although it felt risky, all turned out better than expected.
And almost like Jaye was still communicating with me from the barn, an opportunity to listen to my intuition showed up. I had been in conversation with a colleague about collaborating on a project together. On the surface, there was so much synergy that it seemed like a no-brainer. But the more we talked about it, the more drained I got. The more I felt trapped.
So during our next call, when the topic of how we’d work together came up, I took the chance and opened up. I had fears. I had reservations. It doesn’t feel like the right time for me. But I didn’t want to close the door to future collaboration.
Turns out the fears and doubts were mutual. We had a great conversation and things are better than ever between us. We’re finding other ways to support each other and keeping our eyes open for future opportunities to collaborate. I think we may have even saved our friendship from potential damage.
Trusting your intuition can be a challenging task even if we know the rewards.
To strengthen your awareness and integrate it into authentic action, try these following steps when faced with your next decision:
Check in with your body. Notice any feelings, twinges or stiffness. What message is this trying to tell you?
Check in with your emotions. Are you feeling fear, vulnerability, anger, frustration, sadness? Or happy, confident, empowered, clear, courageous? What message are these emotions trying to tell you?
Take action. Building the muscles around trusting your intuition take practice. Take a chance. Act in a way that honors the messages you received from your body and emotions.
Reflect. Take time to reflect on how this new authentic action felt for you. Did things blow up after you took the risk or was your risk rewarded with a pleasant surprise? How will you integrate what you learned the next time you’re faced with a decision?
Please share your stories with us. We’d love to hear how you’re learning and growing!
PS Remember how I wanted to hug Jaye for the gift she had given me? Well even though it felt like a silly request, before I left the barn that day, I shared my desire with Kathy. She led me straight into Jaye’s stall and I wrapped my arms around her. Thank you, I communicated with my embrace; I’m grateful you were here to teach me. And turns out it wasn’t so silly a request after all. One by one, my fellow workshop participants stepped into the stall asking for their chance at a hug.
What’s life got to do with it? – Extraordinary Foundation
January 13, 2010
This post originally ran on July 30, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
Has this ever happened to you? You had an unfocused, unproductive week at work and you couldn’t understand why!
That’s what happened to me last week. I thought I had everything in place – a 3-year business vision, annual goals, monthly revenue projections, a marketing strategy, monthly goals, daily and weekly action steps, two weekly calls with my accountability partner Phil…Yet I still couldn’t get out of my own way. I couldn’t manage to sit down and accomplish much. My attention wandered, I was distracted by email, doing laundry and waiting for the next post to pop up on Facebook. I was having trouble sleeping and was exhausted most of the day.
What was up? What kind of coach and role model was I being? I followed all the rules, implemented all the systems for success and still nothing could break me out of my unproductive funk.
Disturbed, I pulled out my journal and began to write down any thought that came into my head. Surprisingly, not many of them were work related. Here’s what came out on the page – I’ve been struggling with the chronic illness of a family member, worried about my husband and concerned how much longer he can endure working at his unfulfilling job while managing a job search in this economy, feeling guilty because I’ve been busy and out of touch with friend and family, worried about money, and frustrated that I haven’t finished my home office renovations yet.
My guess is a few of these ring true for you as well. So many of us push through the daily tasks of our work telling ourselves that we’ll get to our personal lives later, when we’re done with work. Yet work never quite seems to end and later keeps getting pushed off. And if you’re like me, when I don’t take time to focus on my personal life, honor what’s important to me and process my emotions, I feel like I’m on shaky ground, carrying a bag of rocks around with me through dense fog. And boy does it wipe me out trying to work while I’m carrying those rocks through the fog! Whether we’re conscious of it or not, our personal life is with us during our workday. The unresolved issues and unprocessed emotions take space in your brain; they mentally (and physically) wear you out and keep you from doing your best work.
As I’ve moved through my career, I’ve noticed my tolerance for pushing off my personal life has decreased as the impact it has on my professional success increases. I now see self-care as a top priority not only in having a high quality of life but also in my career success. If I don’t have the solid foundation of my personal life, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be fully present and successful in running my business.
So when it hit me last week that life was getting in the way of business, I took swift action. I made time for some self-care, I got in touch with friends and family, I talked to my coach, did some financial planning and finally got my home office together.
The energy shift was amazing! Not only do I feel good about the attention I paid to my personal life but in less than a week’s time, I’ve gotten many tasks off the work to-do list and several doors have opened to exciting and unexpected opportunities.
I am taking away a powerful lesson from this experience; a critical key to career success is making your personal life a priority. Taking time to care for yourself, process your emotions and nourish your relationships not only frees you from carrying that bag of rocks through fog, it also is a vital source of energy to accomplish nothing less than the extraordinary in your business and career!
What’s standing the way of your career success? What needs handling in your personal life? What support do you need to move forward?
Extraordinary Support – A Dad Less Ordinary
January 13, 2010
This post originally ran on June 22, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
Yesterday was Father’s Day and this year, my thoughts took me well beyond the requisite Hallmark card sentiment of love and thanks to the impact my dad has had, and continues to have, on me.
This winter as I considered leaving my safe and stable corporate life for entrepreneurship I was surrounded by many naysayers. But among all those negative voices, one rose above and kept me afloat. And it usually began with, “so…I’ve been thinking…” Such simple words yet I’ve learned they carry with them a gift every time they’re uttered.
At a time when my fear of failure outweighed my desire for change, my dad said to me, “so I’ve been thinking…if you work with your clients to take risks and make big changes in their careers and lives, shouldn’t you be willing to do the same thing?”
I was blown over. He nailed it. This from a man that I had hardly given credit to for fully understanding my career as a coach. In one line, he said more to me and did more to boost my confidence in my decision than anyone had in the months leading up to that day.
Weeks later, his positive reinforcement continued. I got a call out of the blue – “so, I’ve been thinking…now is the right time for you to take this risk and see what you can make of it. There is a lot of negativity out there but if you can help people get back on their feet you will be doing a great thing. The world needs people like you helping out right now.” When I enthusiastically agreed and shared my fear of failure, he said confidently, “You can’t fail, you can only learn from this.” His confidence in me was like a safety net, a security blanket. I was getting braver.
The week I resigned corresponded with my birthday. A package arrived from my dad with two books in it. One was Home-Based Business for Dummies and the others was Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, M.D., F.I.C.S. I immediately understood the Dummies book but was unsure about Psycho-Cybernetics. I assumed it was something “coachy” he found online and thought I would be interested in.
A couple days later he called to see if I’d gotten it.
“So, what do you think about Psycho-Cybernetics?”
Well, I flipped though it; it seems interesting.
“Did I ever tell you about this book?”
No.
“I read this book when I was 22 and it was the most influential book I’d ever read. Its shaped the way I look at life ever since. It’s about how your mindset is powerful and helps you be successful. So I thought that since you were just starting out in your business, it was important for you to remember that.”
I could hardly comprehend what I was hearing. My eyes filled with tears. Not only had he never mentioned this life altering experience but here he was sharing so simply and eloquently his key to a successful and fulfilling life.
My dad isn’t the kind of guy you’d say had a charmed life. He grew up making due with what his two deaf parents could provide. He spent over 30 years working as a repairman for Sears always knowing he was capable of more but too afraid to risk the home and life he was providing for his family. Yet each day, he saw to it that he found something to enjoy. A moment with my mom, a catch with my brothers, a chat with me about what I dreamed of becoming one day, a laugh with friends, a walk in nature. What others may have seen as the life a blue-collar man was the life of a rich man to my dad. It wasn’t lavish, it most likely wasn’t all he ever dreamed of for himself, but it was all he needed.
Consciously or not, my father taught me these lessons – the importance of my outlook, to trust in myself, to always see the positive and what can be done. So instead of tickets to the ball game or an off the rack greeting card, this Father’s Day I want to say more than thanks. I want him to have the acknowledgement he deserves.
As I stepped to the edge and made the leap with his supportive hand in mine, I knew I was not only fulfilling my lifelong dream but part of his as well. More than anyone, he helped make it possible.