Unexpected Retreat

August 31, 2010

Today’s post is by Karen Richter of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC

I am once again struck by the relevance of one of Carly’s blog posts.  This time:  Retreats – A Nourishing Investment

Cohesive Outcomes runs outdoor retreats – we spend time focusing on nature, the calmness it instills in our inner beings, which in turn allows us to reconnect with what is truly important to us, etc.  So I obviously know and appreciate the benefits of a retreat.  I’m always up for a retreat!  What I didn’t stop to realize is that we can have little mini-retreats every day, without adding any additional time to our already too-full schedules.

I’ve been an on-again-off-again runner for years.  This spring I’ve become determined to become “on-again” once again. I’ve been enjoying sporadic runs whenever I can fit them in.  This morning was a little hectic at our house – our normal routine a bit rattled up because it was the last day of school after a weekend of graduation parties, etc.  After the morning chaos, I rushed out the door to get in a jog before it got too hot (it is scheduled to be in the 90s again today).  It was not until I drove the 5 miles to one of my favorite running spots (a biking trail through the woods along the lake) that I realized I forgot my Garmin Forerunner (a GPS-enabled sports trainer watch).  I’m not a competitive runner or anything – I’m actually very slow.  But I do enjoy keeping track of my progress – was I able to run the same distance in a shorter amount of time?  Did my average pace quicken?  Can I run the next mile quicker than I ran the last one?  How does this workout compare to last week’s?  How many miles have I run this month?  This spring?  This year?

So – this morning, I had forgotten my trusty tracking device.  Now, it was just me, the woods, and the sunshine sparkling on the water, the birds, squirrels, and the sound of my own breathing.  Instead of finding motivation from the competition against myself using my little running techno toy, I found myself completely relaxing and enjoying the total experience of the run.  I never realized the slight stress that was being added to my run with all the data and analysis.  But now I felt freer to simply run and enjoy.  I was connecting with my gorgeous surroundings, and with myself.  I felt so energized, so alive!  I found myself reflecting back on Carly’s blog post about retreats, and feeling so excited that I was benefitting from a retreat experience – without even planning it!

And when I got back to my car, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had arrived back earlier than I anticipated! (I can’t help but compete against myself…)  Without my trusty Forerunner telling me, I know I had a great run, with a quicker pace than usual.  And that makes sense.  When we are doing what we love, and focusing on the enjoyment of it, we can truly excel – with little or no effort!

This experience made it clear to me that a retreat doesn’t have to be an added activity – simply tack on some conscious awareness to activities you are already doing.  It can be as easy as leaving technology at home as you go for your morning jog.  Or clearing your head in the shower and getting really present in the moment.  Instead of thinking about all the things you need to get done today, listen to all the sounds around you.  Can you hear the birds outside over the din of the shower?  How does the sound of the water coming out of the faucet differ from the sound of the water hitting the shower curtain and floor?  How does the water feel as it hits your face?  As it runs down your skin?

Or maybe your mini-retreat happens as you walk down your driveway to get the mail.  Take a moment to enjoy the sun on your face (or the rain), the smell of the flowers, the sounds of the cars driving past and the kids laughing in the neighbor’s pool.  Think about all that you have to be thankful for.

It’s amazing the effect a mini-retreat, in just a few minutes, can have on your whole being!

Where are some places you can incorporate a mini-retreat into your day?

Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’.  As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.

To Stay Balanced – Let Go!

August 10, 2010

This post is brought to you by guest blogger Tracy Sullivan.  Readers of Success Without a Suit will remember Tracy’s previous post, All About the Journey.

To Stay Balanced – Let Go.  Great metaphor for life, huh?

I was reminded of this recently while flipping through vacation photos from the most amazing vacation to the Galapagos Islands a few years ago.

On a two and half hour bumpy speed-boat ride, our guide told us to best way to stay balanced was to just let go – not hold on to anything, let go of the railings – even raise our hands up high if we felt like it – but holding on would make it worse – would cause more jarring and banging around. So we all did it knowing we still had a long way to go… Wow!!! He was right – it worked! We were not getting banged around as much and guess what? It was fun!!  Yep – imagine that, when we most wanted to hold on, we let go and that’s when we really started to have fun!! We were all laughing and having a great time instead of holding on to the railings for dear life… we all started to relax and roll with it all…really cool!

Instead of resisting the bumpiness, once we just let go and rolled with it, the ride was so much smoother AND we were able to stay balanced – literally, we were more balanced in our seats and figuratively in our perspective of the ride – it was more fun and felt smoother!

What an amazing metaphor for life I thought– I wanted to remember this life lesson – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect life experience. By literally and figuratively letting go – we found balance. Wow! It truly was one of those “a-ha” moments for me– I was laughing more, having a good time – versus being tense – “holding on” too tight… that’s when it hit me – this is how I want to live my life –I want to let go when I most felt like I wanted to hold on – when things got bumpy, when I got scared– I was going to let go more in my everyday life – not just on vacation–  I vowed to remember this experience and what it taught me –

Live each day like you’re on vacation — let go, laugh, roll with it, have fun!!

What can you do to make today feel like you’re on vacation?

Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuing blog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.

Yes and No

April 6, 2010

These are funny little words that hold great power over our day-to-day lives. We say the words so often that we can lose touch with their significance and the role they play in our happiness.

Yes and No are two sides of a coin. Each time we say Yes to something, we are in turn saying No to something else. And vice versa.

Many have written about this concept and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. What am I saying Yes or No to each day?  How conscious am I of making these choices? What are the consequences of these choices – both positive and negative?

I’ve found that increasing my awareness around what I say Yes and No to is a great place to start intentionally aligning my actions to support my values and capitalize on my strengths and passions.

And although this sounds simple, it can be a little tricky.

For example, a client recently shared her frustration of having no time to devote to finding a new career path. She knows in her heart that she cannot continue on her current path yet she isn’t making enough time to make the change.

Her list of excuses included a laundry list of things she had over-committed to in her professional and personal life. When we went through the list, each one of them seemed like she “kinda got roped into doing it.”  And most of them were generous and noble things to be involved in – helping to coordinate an event in her community, making the costumes for her daughter’s school play, helping out a colleague who needed extra hands on a project, taking care of a sick relative, etc.

For the most part, she didn’t want to be doing many of the things she committed to. But she saw little choice but to say Yes. She wants to be a good person and help others. But as a result of saying Yes to all these outside demands, she was saying No to herself and her happiness. And the more she continued to do these things, the more drained she got.  And the less she had to give others. She fell into a common trap – saying Yes to everyone else in the hopes that it will be enough to sustain us.

So how do you start making a shift?  How do you start saying Yes and No in a way that supports your happiness?

1. Notice: For one week, take note of all the moments when you have the opportunity to say yes or no.  Do this at work and at home.

2. Flip the Coin: For each Yes, write down all the things you have said No to as a result. For each No, write down all the things you have said Yes to.

3. Reflect: Assess the consequences of each of your choices.  How are they serving you? Are they allowing you to find long-term happiness? Are they allowing you to honor your values? Are they providing you ample opportunity to utilize your natural strengths to feel capable and effective? Are they allowing you to focus on self-care so you can make the contributions you desire?

These 3 simple steps: Notice, Flip the Coin and Reflect will serve to increase your awareness of the choices you have and how you make them. Being present in the moments of your life will allow you to intentionally shape the direction of your future.

What are your experiences with saying Yes and No?  How has it shaped your life and affected your happiness?

“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.” – John C. Maxwell

Is meditation part of your life?

April 1, 2010

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.  -Dalai Lama

For many years, I heard about how adding meditation to your day could significantly increase your happiness, satisfaction and health as well as reduce stress.

At first, I wasn’t convinced. I just didn’t get it. I thought to myself, “I have no time to waste on meditation! I can’t sit still and do nothing for 30 minutes!!! And what is meditation anyway and how do I do it??”

Over time, when things started to get stressful at work and in my personal life, I began looking for a way to get through it. I slowly became open to the idea of meditation and began to learn about different techniques and try them out.

Although I’m not yet disciplined to have a daily meditation practice, my experience over the past several years has shown me how beneficial it can be. I have gone from frantic states to a sense of calm and inner peace.  In my work and in my personal life, I have seen how finding calmness in my inner world allows me to manage my external world.  My moods are more even, I am able to refresh and energize myself without caffeine, and I am able to be more efficient in my work.

For instance, this past week, the gray skies and constant rain were getting to me. Congestion and a sore throat had me tired and foggy-headed. Stress started to increase and focus started to decrease. I knew I couldn’t get through the rest of my day until I did something to change the course I was on.

So instead of listening to that old voice that said meditation was a waste of time and that I needed to just sit there until I got my work done, I stepped away from my desk for 45 valuable minutes.  I listened to my CD, Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace by Susie Mantell.  And I followed it with 15 minutes of stretching and using my Back Buddy to release tension in my neck and shoulders.

Forty-five minutes later, my perspective had shifted.  My neck pain and tension melted away.  I got back to my desk and there in my inbox were a few emails I had been waiting for and all contained good news. And I knocked off several items that had been lingering on my to-do list all week.  Plus I had enough energy to entertain the members of my book club that were coming over that night.

I know I have a long way to go to improve my meditation practice, but I suspect it will always be in my life. I guess that’s why they call it a practice.  It takes dedication to incorporate into your life and years to increase your skill and ability.  I thank all of you who encouraged me to try meditation and hope to inspire others to give it a try.

Do you meditate?

What are your favorite techniques? Do you have any favorite CDs or DVDs?

How has meditation made a positive difference in your life?

What inspirational stories do you have to give others out there reason to give it a try?

Or have you thought about meditation but were afraid to try?

“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.”    - Buddha

Birthday Meanings and Celebrations

March 25, 2010

My birthday is next week and it’s got me thinking about the rituals we have for marking the occasion. This year, its one of those “big” ones (you know, the ones that end in either a 5 or a 0.)   What does it mean?  How do I celebrate?

I’ll admit that this year is no different than most; I’m filled with a little anxiety as the day approaches.  “What do you want to do for your birthday?” my husband has started to ask. My typical response is, “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it much.” Life is busy and despite the fact that each year I want to give my birthday special attention, it usually approaches quickly and is gone before I know it.

What is it about birthdays?  For me, I don’t have fear about getting older (although I admit I’m not happy with the increasing number of gray hairs or wrinkles I have.) My anxiety comes from wanting to find a significant way to mark the day. To properly acknowledge it’s meaning.  But why do I have all these expectations weighing on me to mark it the right way?  Do others feels this same way?

Meanings

What exactly is the meaning of birthdays?  Why do we give them significance?I’m not sure I have the answers to those questions. These questions give rise to many others for me.  Is it a celebration of the day we entered this world?  Is it a day to mark that “I survived another year”?  Is it recognition of the impact we’ve had in our lives?  Is it just an excuse to eat, drink and be merry with friends and loved ones?

I’ve always thought of my birthday as the start of my new year – literally a day of rebirth for me. A day when I acknowledge that I’ve managed to make it through another year on the roller coaster of life; a day to take stock of all that I’m grateful for; a day to look ahead to what the next year of life has to offer. It’s a day that gives me new hope.  Just as the tree and flower buds hold the potential of Summer’s abundance, the 29^th of March holds the promise of 365 upcoming days to collect meaningful and fulfilling moments of life – to honor my values, to accomplish goals, learn and grow as a human being, to build new relationships and to strengthen old ones.

Celebrations

Big parties?  Small intimate dinners or lunches?  A cake with candles?  Indulging in your favorite foods?  A day of pampering?  Getting away?   Jump out of an airplane?

How to celebrate?  This might be the part that causes the most anxiety for me.  There’s something in me that feels like celebrating my birthday in a big way is self-indulgent.  Like I’m making the assumption that others want to be part of celebrating “me.”  But if its about marking all that the year has held for you and the promise of what’s to come, what’s better than surrounding yourself with love and spending the occasion with close friends and loved ones?

My guess is that they way you choose celebrate is all about the meaning you attribute to your birthday.  This year, all I have planned so far is a home-cooked dinner with a small handful of close friends and family.  I’m also giving myself the day off of work.  I’d like to spend time outside in nature (weather permitting) and maybe partake in a little self-care by scheduling a much-needed haircut and maybe even a massage.  Feels like a good plan but not sure it captures all that I’d like it to.

I’m very open to ideas and would love your help.  What meaning does your birthday hold for you? What do you do to celebrate your birthday?  Any favorite traditions you keep?

Anticipation

March 17, 2010

Expect the best. The world is working in your favor.  -Cheryl Richardson

Two weeks from today will mark the one-year anniversary of when I left corporate America to launch my coaching business.  The past year has flown by and it’s hard to believe how different my life is.  I am fully engaged in meaningful and fulfilling work. I am taking care of myself and I have quality time with my friends and loved ones. Today, I’m filled with an appreciation of all I have and an anticipation of a richer, stronger future, and at the same time, I cant’ help but think of where I was one year ago.

The year leading up to my departure was a difficult one. Over the course of 12 months, I suffered two miscarriages, the second coming on the same day it was announced that the department I worked in was being dismantled (one of the many reorganization efforts to address the declining economic conditions.). Of my team of 50, 25 were laid off, 20 were asked to stay on temporarily to fulfill the team’s commitments and 5 were given new jobs.

I was one of the “lucky” five. But I didn’t feel so lucky. I didn’t want the role I was given (it was far from a good match with my strengths and interests) but I saw no choice but to take it. My visions of a future family and my career vanished in an instant.

At the time I was still reeling from my first miscarriage, so it’s an understatement to say I was in shock.  I couldn’t find my footing.  For the first time I could remember, I couldn’t see a way to process what was happening.

I couldn’t move on, so I threw myself into what I thought I did have control over.

I dove headlong into my new job and getting to know my new boss and team.  I scheduled test after test with my doctor to try and uncover the reason why I was losing my pregnancies.  I spent hours on the phone helping my colleagues manage their job losses.

The days turned to weeks and then to months and I hadn’t begun to process or grieve my losses.  I was numb. I had no confidence. I’d burst into tears at the slightest thing.

I knew for certain that the job was a bad fit and draining the last bits of energy I had left. The hours were grueling and I wasn’t sleeping well.  I developed TMJ and severe back and neck pain, and most painful of all, I saw how I was becoming more and more detached from friends and family. They were watching me disintegrate. But they didn’t know how to help and I didn’t know how to ask for what I needed.

Slowly, I began to confide in my coach and a handful of trusted friends and family members. I asked for guidance. It wasn’t easy, but I realized that what I needed was time to grieve and assess what was next.  I began to explore different options to get the time I needed. The more I learned about my options, the more I leaned towards taking a leave of absence.  It would give me the time to focus on my health and wellbeing in a way that didn’t jeopardize my job.

After what felt like weeks of paperwork, my medical leave was approved.  Over the next 9 weeks, I let myself grieve. I fully felt all of my emotions. I took time to heal my mind and body.  I reconnected with loved ones. And I took the time to re-evaluate the priorities and purpose of my life.

Gone were my innocent notions that I could easily start a family or that having a job at a big company meant “security.” That much was certain. But in its place I found this simple recognition:  life is short, and I deserve to pursue what makes me happy, healthy and fulfilled.

Those weeks allowed me to be comfortable with a thought that had been percolating for some time.  The time was here to leave the “safety” of corporate America to follow my passions and launch my own coaching business.  I would set out to help women like me navigate their career and life transitions.  And I would build a life centered around fulfillment, health, and authenticity.  I would become the role model I could be proud of for when the day came that I would be a mother.

I knew it was going to be challenging but deep inside I had an inner knowing and confidence that for the first time in my life, I was on the right path.

There have been ups and downs this past year but I am thrilled to share that there have been more ups than downs.  Like most couples, my husband and I worry about money but we take comfort in our ability to save and plan while building a strong and profitable business. And although we have had to sacrifice some of the material comforts we once took for granted, we have re-connected with the simple things that bring us joy in life.  Most importantly time with each other and with loved ones.

And best of all, I am doing work that I love, with people that I admire and am thrilled that I’m 21 weeks into a healthy pregnancy.

With great anticipation, I look forward to the days ahead and to my new role as a mother and emerging role as a successful business owner.  I know things will be tough in the future – life always has its ups and downs. But I now know that I can handle whatever comes my way with the support of my friends and family.

“I am happy for this day and I expect good things – surprise me!”

A Call to Action – Life is Too Short Not to Face Fears

March 3, 2010

“I don’t have enough time to focus on myself.”

“It’s a luxury to have a career you love. No one enjoys work.”

“I can’t spend time or money on myself to figure out what will make me happy.”

“I’ll figure it out later. With the bad economy, I just have to put my head down and make money to pay the bills.”

Have you ever said these things?  I know I’ve had these thoughts.  And I hear them pretty often from friends, family, colleagues and clients.

Where do these beliefs come from, I began to wonder. And how are they serving us individually and collectively?

My guess is that these beliefs do protect us in some ways.  On the surface, “not having enough time,” allows us to hide behind humility and virtue.  It presents us an opportunity to not seem selfish.  As human beings, we have a strong desire to be caretakers and supporters of our friends and loved ones around us.  What we are taught reinforces this value that many of us hold.  And to focus on our own wants and needs seems to contradict this value.

But is it a contradiction?  Is carving out time to care of our own needs and seeing ourselves as worth it really in opposition of being supportive of others?  I’m not sure. If we go deeper, we see that to be truly supportive of others in the way we desire, we must be at our best.  This allows us to fully give our gifts to the world.  And in order to be our best, we must see ourselves as worthy enough of the time it takes for self-care and an investment in our personal growth and development.

To simply say we don’t have enough time may be just another way we avoid facing our fears.

Fear of what you might ask?  The list is long.  It takes multiple shapes for many of us.

Fear of not finding the career that will fulfill us.
Fear of never finding enough clarity to move forward.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of making a change and still not being happy.
Fear of the difficult journey it will be to find and pursue a new path.
Fear that happiness and making money are mutually exclusive.
Fear that you will not be capable and effective if you pursue an area of passion.

The list could go on.  The underlying fear as I see it, is a fear of the unknown.

It is human nature to fear the unknown – to choose unhappiness over uncertainty.

But although we have a great capacity to endure undesirable situations, there is something deep within us that knows it is worth doing something about.  So what can we do about it?  How can we begin to make the changes in ourselves in order to make a positive impact for our immediate circle and the world?

We find that in order to conquer a fear, we need to define it.

In Tim Ferris’ book, The 4-Hour Work Week, he has readers face what I see as a brilliant question in helping us define our fear of the unknown.

What is it costing you – financially, emotionally, and physically – to postpone action? Don’t only evaluate the potential downside of action.  It is equally important to measure the atrocious cost of inaction.  If you don’t pursue the things that excite you, where will you be in one year, five years, ten years?  How will you feel having allowed circumstance to impose itself upon you and having allowed ten more years of your finite life to pass doing what you know will not fulfill you?  If you telescope 10 years and know with 100% certainty that it is a path of disappointment and regret, and if we define risk as “the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome,” inaction is the greatest risk of all.

And I’d like to add, what is it costing those around you?

How is your inaction impacting your friends and loved ones?  Your colleagues?  The world at large?

We are all inter-connected. A change in how we see and treat ourselves will ripple out to the world. Change in the world starts with each one of us. If we all hold back and live from a place of fear, we will continue to build a world of full of distrust, unhappiness, lack and scarcity.

So the next time you find yourself saying, “I don’t have the time to invest in myself” or “I’ll wait until a better time to make a change,”

Ask yourself, “What is it costing me to postpone action?”

And remember…What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.

All About the Journey

February 23, 2010

Today’s post was written by guest blogger and my dear friend and colleague, Tracy Sullivan.

The 5:05 or the 5:12? I asked myself this question one ordinary weekday as I was planning my commute home from NY to NJ.

The 5:05 train will get me home faster. No need to transfer trains or wait on a cold platform. I’ll have to hustle, but I decided I can do it.

The next 30 minutes are a blur. I throw on my coat, strap on my backpack. My mission is to catch the 5:05. No one can stop me.  My breath quickens, my neck tightens, and my face is serious with a look that says “out of my way!”

Off I go – sprinting through the streets of lower Manhattan. With each step I’m lost in my thoughts –

“Will I make it?”

“Why won’t this person get out of my way?”

“Don’t they know I have to catch the 5:05???”

“Oh man I wish I had on my sneakers – these shoes are killing me!”

“I don’t know if I’ll make it! Tick-tock!”

“Damn – this sucks, I want to make the 5:05! 5:05! 5:05!!!”

I am so fixated on the time it’s as if I might vanish into thin air if I don’t make this 5:05 train.

Back to my racing thoughts, “what’s so important about this 5:05 train anyway?” My mind begins to shift – “Isn’t there another train right after? Wouldn’t it be easier to simply slow down, relax and just take the 5:12?”

Yeah, sure, that makes sense.

“But no, I REALLY want to make the 5:05 – I said that was the train I was going to take – damn it, I’m taking that train!!”

I’m almost there — out of breath, feet hurting, sweating, back aching, running down the stairs to catch the PATH train that will take me to the 5:05 commuter train.

Phew, I made it!! I congratulate myself for this amazing feat. But I soon realize the PATH train is not moving. It’s DELAYED!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!!! I realize after all that running and stressing out, I’m not even going to make the 5:05 after all.

Then the strangest thing happens… in an instant, I relax.  The option for the 5:05 was now off the table; the choice was made for me. I realize there was a 5:12 train all along and I would definitely make that train. I took out my iPod and let myself enjoy some tunes.

“Ha! This seems ridiculous!” I said to myself, “only now could I finally relax?!?!”

On the rest of my commute home I thought about other goals in my life and where I need to relax and let things be. That’s easy – the pursuit of marriage and children. Instead of putting pressure on myself to be married by “X” age, I need to give myself permission to enjoy the ride instead of worrying about “missing the train.”

So often we find ourselves focused only on reaching goals that we miss the point – it’s about the journey, not the destination. Life is about making the most of every day. Savoring and celebrating all that you can while you move closer and closer towards your destination/end-goal.

So, I thought to myself, how do I want to live my life? On the path of the 5:05 (struggle, stress and worry)? Or relaxed, happy and enjoying the journey to my destination via the 5:12 train?

Either way, I’ll still make it to my destination (later than I expected) but happier and more relaxed.  All I need to do is let go of trying to control when, where and how I’ll get there.

Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy. –Sarah Ban Breathnach

When Tracy Sullivan is not chasing down trains, she enjoys her life in Bedminster, NJ — good friends, a family she’s close to, and a career in Human Resources. She looks forward meeting the right guy to share that with, and in turn, to share his life, friends, and family.

What Does Passion Got to Do with Career Success?

February 18, 2010

In my coaching, I often encounter women who “on paper” have all the success and happiness they could have imagined in their younger years.  They have degrees from prestigious colleges; they’ve moved up the ladder and are in positions of management and leadership at successful companies; they live in or near exciting cities; they travel; they have the material comforts they desire.

Yet they’ve lost their passion in work and life. They have lost touch with what is meaningful and satisfying to them. And they are tired of watching their life fly by without time to enjoy it.

When they finally decided to reach out for coaching, they’re exhausted, frustrated, and lost.  The first words I often hear are, “I know I want something different, I just don’t know what it is or how to find it.”

One of the first ways we begin turning the tide for them is to reconnect them with their passions. Now I know there’s a lot of talk about passions.  We’ve all heard that if you “find your passion”, money and happiness will follow.  It seems like magic, doesn’t it?  Find the elusive “passion” and all will fall into place.  But I’m a realist and know that for most of us, it’s not that simple.

So how do we in fact find what will make us happy in our work and life?

1. Look for clues in your past

An exercise I love using with clients is a Personal History.  This exercise gives you the opportunity to reflect over your life.

What experiences defined you?  What topics or activities were you attracted to as a kid, a teenager, and a young adult?  What themes or patterns reveal themselves to you about where you derive happiness and strength?

These are “breadcrumbs” that point you in the direction of your passions, strengths, and values.

2. Pay attention to the moments that make you strong, satisfied and successful

Another challenge I love to pose to clients is to be an investigator of their current lives.

Grab a notebook and carry it around for a week taking note of the moments you enjoy, the times you have a smile on your face, the activities in which you “lose yourself,” the times when you feel strong and you’re using a natural talent or strength. Again, like in the Personal Histories, spend time looking at the patterns, clues and “breadcrumbs” that emerge.

Marcus Buckingham has a great definition of success in his latest book, Find Your Strongest Life.  He says, “A strong woman feels successful.  And by “successful”, I don’t mean that she is getting prizes, awards, and big fat bonuses – though she might be.  I mean that she feels effective and capable.”

Effective and capable.  I love that.  It implies that we have the opportunity to fill our days with activities that allow us to use and express our unique strengths. That we get to let the best of us shine for all to see and that we’re acknowledged for those gifts. Without the opportunity to express these strengths and find affirmations of these strengths, we can lose our sense of who we truly are.

So once you identify these moments, what do you do with that knowledge?

3. Start adding more of these moments to your work and life

Often times, even after we’ve uncovered these clues, we’re still unsure if these “breadcrumbs” are truly pointing to a lifelong passion we want to build a career upon or simply to something we enjoy in our spare time.  But in order to learn the truth, you must dive in and try.  Start small if you have to.  Change is a process and it comes easiest when you start to build momentum.

Clear your plate of a handful of activities that are out of alignment with your strengths and passions.  Slowly add new activities that are in alignment.  For example, ask to work on a special project at work, volunteer at an organization that you love, or take a class to learn something new or deepen a skill.  Perhaps you look at your hobbies and push them to the next level to see if you want to have them be a bigger part of your life (e.g. an amateur photographer might enter photos in a contest or sell them online or at a local gallery.)

By diving in and trying these avenues out, you begin to grow clarity around your passions as well as increase your sense of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in your work and life.

Less is More – Terminator Salvation

January 13, 2010

This post originally ran on June 9, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.

You may be wondering what the movie Terminator Salvation has to do with living an extraordinary life.  It’s simple really, when presented with limited options, our choice can be a gateway to the less than ordinary experience of deep appreciation and greater satisfaction.

My husband and I spent the past week at his family’s lake house in the Adirondack Mountains of NY. It was just the two of us taking some much needed time to recharge our batteries.  We had little plans other than reading, walking, talking, hiking, kayaking, and enjoying the incredible nature and wildlife that surrounded us. But as Friday rolled around, we thought we’d head into town, mingle with other people and see a movie.

The Strand movie theater in Schroon, NY has one screen.  It plays one movie a week and has 3 showings – Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 8pm.  This weekend, it was Terminator Salvation.

I have always had a belief that more possibilities are better.  It helps us to feel less trapped and more in control of where our lives are heading.  But that belief was challenged this week at the movies.  There I was, making the choice to see a movie I otherwise wouldn’t have (summer blockbuster action films are typically not my thing). Yet I can say I was truly happy in the theater watching Terminator Salvation and enjoying myself more than I would have had I had my choice of 16 different movies playing at 5 local theaters, at my choices of at least 100 different show times throughout the day.

Why was this I wondered?  And then it hit me – sometimes less really is more.  With all those choices typically in front of us, we have to make the perfect choice – that’s what all those options imply is attainable, right?  We can’t be happy unless it’s the right theater, the right time and the right movie.

But I noticed sitting there at the Strand that night how the limit of choice allowed me to fully appreciate the little things about the experience.  The friendly projectionist who also sold us our tickets, the $1 bottle of water, the restored art deco interior, the old piano up by the screen left over from the days of silent films, the conversations amongst us movie-goers (aka strangers) as we left the film.  And I have to admit, I allowed myself to be entertained by the movie.  Was it great film? Certainly not.  But on that night, it was perfectly extraordinary.

I walked away with a reminder of a valuable lesson. Seeing possibilities and feeling at choice is not about collecting a laundry list of options and trying to find the perfect combination.  Choice is about seeing what’s in front of us – even if it appears to be an undesirable option – and choosing how to be in relation with it.  Happiness and satisfaction can come to us in the most unexpected of ways if we allow it.

Bring Less is More to Your Own Life

Where in your life or work are you stuck and feeling like you will never find the perfect choice?

How can you see the options in front of you with new eyes and appreciate the satisfaction they can bring you?