Unexpected Retreat
August 31, 2010
Today’s post is by Karen Richter of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC
I am once again struck by the relevance of one of Carly’s blog posts. This time: Retreats – A Nourishing Investment
Cohesive Outcomes runs outdoor retreats – we spend time focusing on nature, the calmness it instills in our inner beings, which in turn allows us to reconnect with what is truly important to us, etc. So I obviously know and appreciate the benefits of a retreat. I’m always up for a retreat! What I didn’t stop to realize is that we can have little mini-retreats every day, without adding any additional time to our already too-full schedules.
I’ve been an on-again-off-again runner for years. This spring I’ve become determined to become “on-again” once again. I’ve been enjoying sporadic runs whenever I can fit them in. This morning was a little hectic at our house – our normal routine a bit rattled up because it was the last day of school after a weekend of graduation parties, etc. After the morning chaos, I rushed out the door to get in a jog before it got too hot (it is scheduled to be in the 90s again today). It was not until I drove the 5 miles to one of my favorite running spots (a biking trail through the woods along the lake) that I realized I forgot my Garmin Forerunner (a GPS-enabled sports trainer watch). I’m not a competitive runner or anything – I’m actually very slow. But I do enjoy keeping track of my progress – was I able to run the same distance in a shorter amount of time? Did my average pace quicken? Can I run the next mile quicker than I ran the last one? How does this workout compare to last week’s? How many miles have I run this month? This spring? This year?
So – this morning, I had forgotten my trusty tracking device. Now, it was just me, the woods, and the sunshine sparkling on the water, the birds, squirrels, and the sound of my own breathing. Instead of finding motivation from the competition against myself using my little running techno toy, I found myself completely relaxing and enjoying the total experience of the run. I never realized the slight stress that was being added to my run with all the data and analysis. But now I felt freer to simply run and enjoy. I was connecting with my gorgeous surroundings, and with myself. I felt so energized, so alive! I found myself reflecting back on Carly’s blog post about retreats, and feeling so excited that I was benefitting from a retreat experience – without even planning it!
And when I got back to my car, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had arrived back earlier than I anticipated! (I can’t help but compete against myself…) Without my trusty Forerunner telling me, I know I had a great run, with a quicker pace than usual. And that makes sense. When we are doing what we love, and focusing on the enjoyment of it, we can truly excel – with little or no effort!
This experience made it clear to me that a retreat doesn’t have to be an added activity – simply tack on some conscious awareness to activities you are already doing. It can be as easy as leaving technology at home as you go for your morning jog. Or clearing your head in the shower and getting really present in the moment. Instead of thinking about all the things you need to get done today, listen to all the sounds around you. Can you hear the birds outside over the din of the shower? How does the sound of the water coming out of the faucet differ from the sound of the water hitting the shower curtain and floor? How does the water feel as it hits your face? As it runs down your skin?
Or maybe your mini-retreat happens as you walk down your driveway to get the mail. Take a moment to enjoy the sun on your face (or the rain), the smell of the flowers, the sounds of the cars driving past and the kids laughing in the neighbor’s pool. Think about all that you have to be thankful for.
It’s amazing the effect a mini-retreat, in just a few minutes, can have on your whole being!
Where are some places you can incorporate a mini-retreat into your day?
Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’. As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.
Diary of a Recovering Thinkaholic
August 24, 2010
Another fun and insightful blog posting brought to you by Tracy Sullivan.
Hello, my name is Tracy and I’m a recovering think-aholic…
I’ve been a think-aholic for as long as I can remember. At an early age I learned that if a little thinking was good, a lot was better…
Makes sense, right?
WRONG…
This belief led me to what I call “think-aholism”.
Think-aholism is my made up term for what happens when I get stuck in thought, it’s usually brought on by stress – a new job, a new relationship, no relationship, giving a presentation, a change in plans, speaking up for what I want, even getting a new hairstyle!
Over-thinking’s downsides include anxiety, moodiness, indecision as well as stagnation, not living up to your full potential and it generally saps the joy out of life.
Who wants that? Not me!!
I knew I was a think-aholic when I kept hearing….
“You think too much, that’s your downfall.”
“You over analyze everything too much.”
“You are being too hard on yourself.”
So why the tendency to over-think?
Am I “hard-wired” that way? Did I learn this from my parents? Is it hormones? Am I too cautious? Afraid to make mistakes? It’s probably a combination.
You may have others reasons for your own over-thinking.
What I do know, is that over-thinking is a habit that can be broken.
One of the biggest culprits for me has always been fear. Fear of making a mistake, looking foolish, doing the “wrong” thing, people not agreeing with me. Also, if something doesn’t go as planned, I tend to ruminate about it – why it happened and what I should have done better, which keeps me stuck and in a down space– I call it analysis paralysis
When I’m paralyzed in thought it’s hard to find a solution or bounce back. It’s like I get lost in a maze of overly dramatic thoughts, get exhausted and lose steam. Then I’m suddenly in a bad mood. No fun for me or anyone near me.
Over the years though I have learned to recognize the signs and while there is no support group for us think-aholics, I have found a few things tend to snap me out of my think-aholic ways….
Break the cycle-
- Relax and let go- breathe, get up and just do something different – talk a walk, listen to music, clean your house… distract yourself.
- Get active – exercise is a natural mood lifter – it gets the blood flowing and often clears my head.
- Go outside – Being outside makes me feel more spacious and relaxed – often clearing my head and lifting my mood instantly.
- Note cards that say “STOP” on them – place them anywhere you look often – your office, your mirror, your car, your wallet – just looking at the word helps me shift my thinking to something else…
- Call a friend – run the problem past a friend who is a good problem solver, someone who is not an over-thinker like you – they will help you see things in a new light.
- Count your blessings – there is always something to be thankful for – I can always find something to be happy about… I’ve kept a gratitude journal near my bed for a few years and it’s been such a great practice – having the last thought before bed be a positive one has made a difference in how well I sleep and how I feel when I wake up.
“I’ve found that worry and irritation vanish into thin air the moment I open my mind to the many blessings I posses” -Dale Carnegie
Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuingblog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.
Revealing My True Self
August 17, 2010
Today’s post is brought to you by Karen S. Richter, owner and founder of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC
I try to do things right. But I’m beginning to see that the desire for perfection may just be another way to hide, not only our imperfections, but our true selves.
A perfect example: To prepare to be a guest blogger for Carly, I wanted to read all of her blog posts again to ensure that I could step into her shoes, mimic her style, and provide a seamless transition for her readers/followers. As I reread Carly’s blog posts, I found myself intimidated. She writes so well. Her words just flow. There is such profound meaning in her words. I found myself saying “I can’t do this. Who am I to be writing? No one wants to listen to me. I can’t be Carly.”
Then her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post hit me right between the eyes. Carly challenges us to shed layers of our false selves and to be authentic. And here I was, trying to develop a whole new false self – the “Carly fill-in”, “Carly2”. This blog post caused me to realize that I didn’t need to put up yet another layer of false self by trying to be Carly. My desire to learn Carly’s style was simply a way for me to hide my true self – to protect myself from getting hurt if Carly’s readers didn’t love me and/or what I had to say.
The blog post also caused me to realize how much I admire when someone else reveals their true self. (Carly shares the “sense of gratitude” in her client’s eyes that Carly “was willing to be human with her”.) I admire the courage it takes to open up and be vulnerable. Even more, I am grateful when they are willing to share their authentic self with me – it tells me that they feel safe enough with me to let their inner-being show. I feel honored that they trust me enough to place into my care, their emotional well-being.
It’s become clear to me that when we are only focused on our own emotions (especially feelings of insecurity), we are making the situation all about us. We are not allowing the others involved in the situation to be trusted and honored by sharing with them. We deprive them of those feelings of pride and satisfaction that come along when they feel someone trusts them with their most vulnerable self.
I am really taking to heart Carly’s blog about revealing our true selves. Here I am – writing as Karen, not as Karen-trying-to-be-Carly. I am using this blog as an opportunity to practice exactly what Carly shared with us – revealing our true selves. And, let me tell you, it comes as such a relief! It takes a lot of energy to play a role, to pretend to be something I’m not. It is so freeing, and I feel the stress dissipating. I am now much better able to go with the flow, and to trust in it. And it is so much easier to simply write what is in my head, and not feel the need to put it through a filter and a translator so it comes out looking like something Carly would write. I truly look forward to sharing more with you soon.
In her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post, Carly asks many questions. Continuing along that same train of thought, I pose the following questions:
- What’s holding you back from shedding the layers of your false self?
- How would it feel to honor others by showing trust and confidence in them?
To do: When you feel the need to hide your inner self, notice – who are you protecting? Are you making the situation all about you? How would it feel to instead think about the other person, and how honored and trusted they might feel if you opened up and revealed yourself to them?
Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’. As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.
To Stay Balanced – Let Go!
August 10, 2010
This post is brought to you by guest blogger Tracy Sullivan. Readers of Success Without a Suit will remember Tracy’s previous post, All About the Journey.
To Stay Balanced – Let Go. Great metaphor for life, huh?
I was reminded of this recently while flipping through vacation photos from the most amazing vacation to the Galapagos Islands a few years ago.
On a two and half hour bumpy speed-boat ride, our guide told us to best way to stay balanced was to just let go – not hold on to anything, let go of the railings – even raise our hands up high if we felt like it – but holding on would make it worse – would cause more jarring and banging around. So we all did it knowing we still had a long way to go… Wow!!! He was right – it worked! We were not getting banged around as much and guess what? It was fun!! Yep – imagine that, when we most wanted to hold on, we let go and that’s when we really started to have fun!! We were all laughing and having a great time instead of holding on to the railings for dear life… we all started to relax and roll with it all…really cool!
Instead of resisting the bumpiness, once we just let go and rolled with it, the ride was so much smoother AND we were able to stay balanced – literally, we were more balanced in our seats and figuratively in our perspective of the ride – it was more fun and felt smoother!
What an amazing metaphor for life I thought– I wanted to remember this life lesson – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect life experience. By literally and figuratively letting go – we found balance. Wow! It truly was one of those “a-ha” moments for me– I was laughing more, having a good time – versus being tense – “holding on” too tight… that’s when it hit me – this is how I want to live my life –I want to let go when I most felt like I wanted to hold on – when things got bumpy, when I got scared– I was going to let go more in my everyday life – not just on vacation– I vowed to remember this experience and what it taught me –
Live each day like you’re on vacation — let go, laugh, roll with it, have fun!!
What can you do to make today feel like you’re on vacation?
Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuing blog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.
Yes and No
April 6, 2010
These are funny little words that hold great power over our day-to-day lives. We say the words so often that we can lose touch with their significance and the role they play in our happiness.
Yes and No are two sides of a coin. Each time we say Yes to something, we are in turn saying No to something else. And vice versa.
Many have written about this concept and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. What am I saying Yes or No to each day? How conscious am I of making these choices? What are the consequences of these choices – both positive and negative?
I’ve found that increasing my awareness around what I say Yes and No to is a great place to start intentionally aligning my actions to support my values and capitalize on my strengths and passions.
And although this sounds simple, it can be a little tricky.
For example, a client recently shared her frustration of having no time to devote to finding a new career path. She knows in her heart that she cannot continue on her current path yet she isn’t making enough time to make the change.
Her list of excuses included a laundry list of things she had over-committed to in her professional and personal life. When we went through the list, each one of them seemed like she “kinda got roped into doing it.” And most of them were generous and noble things to be involved in – helping to coordinate an event in her community, making the costumes for her daughter’s school play, helping out a colleague who needed extra hands on a project, taking care of a sick relative, etc.
For the most part, she didn’t want to be doing many of the things she committed to. But she saw little choice but to say Yes. She wants to be a good person and help others. But as a result of saying Yes to all these outside demands, she was saying No to herself and her happiness. And the more she continued to do these things, the more drained she got. And the less she had to give others. She fell into a common trap – saying Yes to everyone else in the hopes that it will be enough to sustain us.
So how do you start making a shift? How do you start saying Yes and No in a way that supports your happiness?
1. Notice: For one week, take note of all the moments when you have the opportunity to say yes or no. Do this at work and at home.
2. Flip the Coin: For each Yes, write down all the things you have said No to as a result. For each No, write down all the things you have said Yes to.
3. Reflect: Assess the consequences of each of your choices. How are they serving you? Are they allowing you to find long-term happiness? Are they allowing you to honor your values? Are they providing you ample opportunity to utilize your natural strengths to feel capable and effective? Are they allowing you to focus on self-care so you can make the contributions you desire?
These 3 simple steps: Notice, Flip the Coin and Reflect will serve to increase your awareness of the choices you have and how you make them. Being present in the moments of your life will allow you to intentionally shape the direction of your future.
What are your experiences with saying Yes and No? How has it shaped your life and affected your happiness?
“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.” – John C. Maxwell
Is meditation part of your life?
April 1, 2010
We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. -Dalai Lama
For many years, I heard about how adding meditation to your day could significantly increase your happiness, satisfaction and health as well as reduce stress.
At first, I wasn’t convinced. I just didn’t get it. I thought to myself, “I have no time to waste on meditation! I can’t sit still and do nothing for 30 minutes!!! And what is meditation anyway and how do I do it??”
Over time, when things started to get stressful at work and in my personal life, I began looking for a way to get through it. I slowly became open to the idea of meditation and began to learn about different techniques and try them out.
Although I’m not yet disciplined to have a daily meditation practice, my experience over the past several years has shown me how beneficial it can be. I have gone from frantic states to a sense of calm and inner peace. In my work and in my personal life, I have seen how finding calmness in my inner world allows me to manage my external world. My moods are more even, I am able to refresh and energize myself without caffeine, and I am able to be more efficient in my work.
For instance, this past week, the gray skies and constant rain were getting to me. Congestion and a sore throat had me tired and foggy-headed. Stress started to increase and focus started to decrease. I knew I couldn’t get through the rest of my day until I did something to change the course I was on.
So instead of listening to that old voice that said meditation was a waste of time and that I needed to just sit there until I got my work done, I stepped away from my desk for 45 valuable minutes. I listened to my CD, Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace by Susie Mantell. And I followed it with 15 minutes of stretching and using my Back Buddy to release tension in my neck and shoulders.
Forty-five minutes later, my perspective had shifted. My neck pain and tension melted away. I got back to my desk and there in my inbox were a few emails I had been waiting for and all contained good news. And I knocked off several items that had been lingering on my to-do list all week. Plus I had enough energy to entertain the members of my book club that were coming over that night.
I know I have a long way to go to improve my meditation practice, but I suspect it will always be in my life. I guess that’s why they call it a practice. It takes dedication to incorporate into your life and years to increase your skill and ability. I thank all of you who encouraged me to try meditation and hope to inspire others to give it a try.
Do you meditate?
What are your favorite techniques? Do you have any favorite CDs or DVDs?
How has meditation made a positive difference in your life?
What inspirational stories do you have to give others out there reason to give it a try?
Or have you thought about meditation but were afraid to try?
“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.” - Buddha
Birthday Meanings and Celebrations
March 25, 2010
My birthday is next week and it’s got me thinking about the rituals we have for marking the occasion. This year, its one of those “big” ones (you know, the ones that end in either a 5 or a 0.) What does it mean? How do I celebrate?
I’ll admit that this year is no different than most; I’m filled with a little anxiety as the day approaches. “What do you want to do for your birthday?” my husband has started to ask. My typical response is, “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it much.” Life is busy and despite the fact that each year I want to give my birthday special attention, it usually approaches quickly and is gone before I know it.
What is it about birthdays? For me, I don’t have fear about getting older (although I admit I’m not happy with the increasing number of gray hairs or wrinkles I have.) My anxiety comes from wanting to find a significant way to mark the day. To properly acknowledge it’s meaning. But why do I have all these expectations weighing on me to mark it the right way? Do others feels this same way?
Meanings
What exactly is the meaning of birthdays? Why do we give them significance?I’m not sure I have the answers to those questions. These questions give rise to many others for me. Is it a celebration of the day we entered this world? Is it a day to mark that “I survived another year”? Is it recognition of the impact we’ve had in our lives? Is it just an excuse to eat, drink and be merry with friends and loved ones?
I’ve always thought of my birthday as the start of my new year – literally a day of rebirth for me. A day when I acknowledge that I’ve managed to make it through another year on the roller coaster of life; a day to take stock of all that I’m grateful for; a day to look ahead to what the next year of life has to offer. It’s a day that gives me new hope. Just as the tree and flower buds hold the potential of Summer’s abundance, the 29th of March holds the promise of 365 upcoming days to collect meaningful and fulfilling moments of life – to honor my values, to accomplish goals, learn and grow as a human being, to build new relationships and to strengthen old ones.
Celebrations
Big parties? Small intimate dinners or lunches? A cake with candles? Indulging in your favorite foods? A day of pampering? Getting away? Jump out of an airplane?
How to celebrate? This might be the part that causes the most anxiety for me. There’s something in me that feels like celebrating my birthday in a big way is self-indulgent. Like I’m making the assumption that others want to be part of celebrating “me.” But if its about marking all that the year has held for you and the promise of what’s to come, what’s better than surrounding yourself with love and spending the occasion with close friends and loved ones?
My guess is that they way you choose celebrate is all about the meaning you attribute to your birthday. This year, all I have planned so far is a home-cooked dinner with a small handful of close friends and family. I’m also giving myself the day off of work. I’d like to spend time outside in nature (weather permitting) and maybe partake in a little self-care by scheduling a much-needed haircut and maybe even a massage. Feels like a good plan but not sure it captures all that I’d like it to.
I’m very open to ideas and would love your help. What meaning does your birthday hold for you? What do you do to celebrate your birthday? Any favorite traditions you keep?
A Call to Action – Life is Too Short Not to Face Fears
March 3, 2010
“I don’t have enough time to focus on myself.”
“It’s a luxury to have a career you love. No one enjoys work.”
“I can’t spend time or money on myself to figure out what will make me happy.”
“I’ll figure it out later. With the bad economy, I just have to put my head down and make money to pay the bills.”
Have you ever said these things? I know I’ve had these thoughts. And I hear them pretty often from friends, family, colleagues and clients.
Where do these beliefs come from, I began to wonder. And how are they serving us individually and collectively?
My guess is that these beliefs do protect us in some ways. On the surface, “not having enough time,” allows us to hide behind humility and virtue. It presents us an opportunity to not seem selfish. As human beings, we have a strong desire to be caretakers and supporters of our friends and loved ones around us. What we are taught reinforces this value that many of us hold. And to focus on our own wants and needs seems to contradict this value.
But is it a contradiction? Is carving out time to care of our own needs and seeing ourselves as worth it really in opposition of being supportive of others? I’m not sure. If we go deeper, we see that to be truly supportive of others in the way we desire, we must be at our best. This allows us to fully give our gifts to the world. And in order to be our best, we must see ourselves as worthy enough of the time it takes for self-care and an investment in our personal growth and development.
To simply say we don’t have enough time may be just another way we avoid facing our fears.
Fear of what you might ask? The list is long. It takes multiple shapes for many of us.
Fear of not finding the career that will fulfill us.
Fear of never finding enough clarity to move forward.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of making a change and still not being happy.
Fear of the difficult journey it will be to find and pursue a new path.
Fear that happiness and making money are mutually exclusive.
Fear that you will not be capable and effective if you pursue an area of passion.
The list could go on. The underlying fear as I see it, is a fear of the unknown.
It is human nature to fear the unknown – to choose unhappiness over uncertainty.
But although we have a great capacity to endure undesirable situations, there is something deep within us that knows it is worth doing something about. So what can we do about it? How can we begin to make the changes in ourselves in order to make a positive impact for our immediate circle and the world?
We find that in order to conquer a fear, we need to define it.
In Tim Ferris’ book, The 4-Hour Work Week, he has readers face what I see as a brilliant question in helping us define our fear of the unknown.
What is it costing you – financially, emotionally, and physically – to postpone action? Don’t only evaluate the potential downside of action. It is equally important to measure the atrocious cost of inaction. If you don’t pursue the things that excite you, where will you be in one year, five years, ten years? How will you feel having allowed circumstance to impose itself upon you and having allowed ten more years of your finite life to pass doing what you know will not fulfill you? If you telescope 10 years and know with 100% certainty that it is a path of disappointment and regret, and if we define risk as “the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome,” inaction is the greatest risk of all.
And I’d like to add, what is it costing those around you?
How is your inaction impacting your friends and loved ones? Your colleagues? The world at large?
We are all inter-connected. A change in how we see and treat ourselves will ripple out to the world. Change in the world starts with each one of us. If we all hold back and live from a place of fear, we will continue to build a world of full of distrust, unhappiness, lack and scarcity.
So the next time you find yourself saying, “I don’t have the time to invest in myself” or “I’ll wait until a better time to make a change,”
Ask yourself, “What is it costing me to postpone action?”
And remember…What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.
What Does Passion Got to Do with Career Success?
February 18, 2010
In my coaching, I often encounter women who “on paper” have all the success and happiness they could have imagined in their younger years. They have degrees from prestigious colleges; they’ve moved up the ladder and are in positions of management and leadership at successful companies; they live in or near exciting cities; they travel; they have the material comforts they desire.
Yet they’ve lost their passion in work and life. They have lost touch with what is meaningful and satisfying to them. And they are tired of watching their life fly by without time to enjoy it.
When they finally decided to reach out for coaching, they’re exhausted, frustrated, and lost. The first words I often hear are, “I know I want something different, I just don’t know what it is or how to find it.”
One of the first ways we begin turning the tide for them is to reconnect them with their passions. Now I know there’s a lot of talk about passions. We’ve all heard that if you “find your passion”, money and happiness will follow. It seems like magic, doesn’t it? Find the elusive “passion” and all will fall into place. But I’m a realist and know that for most of us, it’s not that simple.
So how do we in fact find what will make us happy in our work and life?
1. Look for clues in your past
An exercise I love using with clients is a Personal History. This exercise gives you the opportunity to reflect over your life.
What experiences defined you? What topics or activities were you attracted to as a kid, a teenager, and a young adult? What themes or patterns reveal themselves to you about where you derive happiness and strength?
These are “breadcrumbs” that point you in the direction of your passions, strengths, and values.
2. Pay attention to the moments that make you strong, satisfied and successful
Another challenge I love to pose to clients is to be an investigator of their current lives.
Grab a notebook and carry it around for a week taking note of the moments you enjoy, the times you have a smile on your face, the activities in which you “lose yourself,” the times when you feel strong and you’re using a natural talent or strength. Again, like in the Personal Histories, spend time looking at the patterns, clues and “breadcrumbs” that emerge.
Marcus Buckingham has a great definition of success in his latest book, Find Your Strongest Life. He says, “A strong woman feels successful. And by “successful”, I don’t mean that she is getting prizes, awards, and big fat bonuses – though she might be. I mean that she feels effective and capable.”
Effective and capable. I love that. It implies that we have the opportunity to fill our days with activities that allow us to use and express our unique strengths. That we get to let the best of us shine for all to see and that we’re acknowledged for those gifts. Without the opportunity to express these strengths and find affirmations of these strengths, we can lose our sense of who we truly are.
So once you identify these moments, what do you do with that knowledge?
3. Start adding more of these moments to your work and life
Often times, even after we’ve uncovered these clues, we’re still unsure if these “breadcrumbs” are truly pointing to a lifelong passion we want to build a career upon or simply to something we enjoy in our spare time. But in order to learn the truth, you must dive in and try. Start small if you have to. Change is a process and it comes easiest when you start to build momentum.
Clear your plate of a handful of activities that are out of alignment with your strengths and passions. Slowly add new activities that are in alignment. For example, ask to work on a special project at work, volunteer at an organization that you love, or take a class to learn something new or deepen a skill. Perhaps you look at your hobbies and push them to the next level to see if you want to have them be a bigger part of your life (e.g. an amateur photographer might enter photos in a contest or sell them online or at a local gallery.)
By diving in and trying these avenues out, you begin to grow clarity around your passions as well as increase your sense of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in your work and life.
Words of wisdom from Andrea Jung, Avon’s CEO
February 10, 2010
I had the privilege of sitting on a panel at NYU’s 18th Annual Stern Women in Business Conference on Friday. It was an inspiring day! Prospective students, current students, alumni and other professional women filled the crowd of over 300. There were corporate professionals, non-profit professional, entrepreneurs – all learning and connecting with each other.
The very appropriate theme of this year’s conference was Adaptation: Creating Opportunity on a Changing Environment. And the morning’s keynote speaker embodied the theme perfectly.
Andrea Jung, Chairman and CEO of Avon stood out from the crowd of black, navy and tan suits in her signature pearls and red dress. As CEO of Avon for the past 11 years, she is one of the most powerful and influential women in business. From the moment she stepped up to the podium and began speaking, her grace, humility and character had the audience captivated. Her words resonated with all of us and stayed with us throughout the day. She shared her personal story and a few key lessons she learned from mentors and coaches throughout her career.
“Follow your compass, not your clock.”
Like many of us, Andrea Jung wants to make an impact with her work. She shared how she had dreamed of joining the Peace Corp but did the “practical” thing and got a job out of college. But that desire to make a difference and have meaningful and fulfilling work stuck with her until she found her way to Avon.
Not only is she able to put her business acumen and innovative marketing skills to work in reviving the image of “your grandma’s company,” but she is also able to stand behind an organization known for making an impact in the lives of women across the globe everyday. Avon was one of the first, and still one of the few, companies that empower women to become entrepreneurs. Women in all parts of the world are earning money for their families, learning computer skills (all of Avon’s ordering is now done online), and through their independence becoming role models for younger generations. Not to mention that Avon is almost as well known for its charitable work as it is for its products – who hasn’t heard of the Avon Walks for Breast Cancer?
Her choice to have meaning and find passion in her work was put to the test in 1997 when she was passed over for promotion to CEO. Offers from other companies followed and she contemplated jumping ship. An honest conversation with a mentor reminder her of her need and desire to have passion in her work. Her mentor’s words, “Follow your compass, not your clock” helped her decide to stay on at Avon. Passion in her work was more important that having a fancy title. And that authentic and humble choice paid off. A short 20 months later, the job of CEO was hers.
“Fire yourself on Friday and rehire yourself on Monday.”
No matter what your role, there comes a moment in our careers when we need to look ourselves in the mirror and admit the path we’re on isn’t working and we need to change. But as we know, its human nature to resist change and to shy away from admitting we’re wrong. Jung faced this head-on at a critical moment in Avon’s history. She had been CEO for almost 5 years and although the company was making significant strides in turning their image around, it needed to do more if it was going to succeed. Hesitant to admit the strategies she had implemented weren’t working as well as expected, she was stuck watching the company fall behind.
Finally, her executive coach did what not many were willing to do and challenged Jung to have new, fresh eyes for her business or move on. He delivered the message in simple terms – ‘Fire yourself on Friday. Go home and really think about what the business needs to succeed. Hire yourself back on Monday in the new role as Turnaround Leader ready to make bold changes.’ And if she couldn’t do that, it was time to move on because she could no longer clearly separate herself from what the business needed to succeed. Having new, fresh eyes allows us to clearly see what bold changes need to happen.
“Bloom where you are planted.”
Throughout our careers, even the best of us are plagued by a bout of impatience. We want to move up the ladder quicker. We want to find the perfect role for us immediately. We want to make six (or seven) figures in our businesses. And most often, that impatience serves us well in driving us to succeed. However, we sometimes need to be reminded that it takes courage and perseverance to “bloom where you are planted.” This was a lesson Jung learned early on in her career. She was a new grad from Princeton and desperately wanted to be doing important work. She was frustrated with the entry-level tasks her boss had her doing. She even went home one day and declared to her parents that she was going to quit her job. They reminded her of the need to start from the bottom and work your way up. That its sometimes more courageous to persevere in your current situation. And this lesson helped her build the foundation she needed for her later success.
What about these three lessons resonates with you? What choices have you made at the defining moments of your career? What stories do you have to share?