Permission to Wallow Part 2 – Purposeful Wallowing
January 13, 2010
This post originally ran on September 3, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
Yesterday, we discussed wallowing and explored its benefits. I shared how as a coach, I could get behind encouraging wallowing as a tool to gain insight and help you move forward. Today, I thought we’d to continue exploring by getting deeper into a real life example and sharing some practical ways for you to make the most of your wallowing.
Laura’s Story
Laura is a bright, energetic, driven corporate leader who’s worked her way up the ladder. She has invested 16 years into her career and is recognized as a subject matter expertise in her field. But something is missing and she’s burnt out. We began our work together by exploring a career path that would put her skills to use in a consulting capacity. It seemed like the logical thing to do and she was taking every step she was supposed to in order to generate leads and opportunities. In our last meeting however, she was still feeling stressed out and uneasy. So we took the opportunity to explore how she was feeling and get behind what they might be revealing to her. We explored what felt off, what felt right. We explored when in her work she felt stressed and when she felt strong and confident. Something began to shift in Laura. The tension began to break and you could see her sinking into her emotions. Over the following two weeks, Laura took time to wallow in those feelings and continue to look for the messages they might be sending her about her next career step. When I spoke with her yesterday, she was bubbling over with energy. Her deep reflection revealed a potential career path that she had never considered. She couldn’t believe she had previously overlooked it as an option. Her wallowing allowed her to confront and release her built up emotions. And when she paid attention to the root of her emotions, she was able to see a world of possibilities opening up before her.
The next time you feel a period of wallowing coming on, make the most of it. Pull out your journal and begin to capture all the feelings you’re having. Take a deep breath and truly allow yourself to experience your emotions. And ask yourself some reflective questions* about your emotions:
Fear – What is the threat? Is it real or perceived? What must I do to move into a position of safety?
Vulnerability – What belief, behavior or perception is being challenged? How might my life change if I accept and adapt to this new insight?
Anger – What must be protected? What boundary must be restored?
Frustration – What is the block? What can I do differently? Who can I ask for ideas or assistance?
Sadness (when you know loss is coming) – What must be released? What must be rejuvenated?
Grief (when you have no choice about the loss) – What must be mourned?
*Questions are adapted from The Emotional Life of Horses by Linda Kohanov. Copyright 2005 by Epona Equestrian Services. http://www.taoofequus.com/linda_kohanov.html
Successful Job Searching – Extraordinary Mindset
January 13, 2010
This post originally ran on July 14, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
“No one’s hiring.”
“There are so many people like me looking for a job.”
“No one’s gotten back to me.”
“I’m not qualified.” “I’m over qualified.”
“I’ll never find a new job.”
Sound familiar? Most people we talk to these days with are in career transition. They’re out searching for the few available positions in a market flooded with many qualified candidates. The odds may seem stacked against you. The search can feel daunting and emotions can begin to swirl – lack of confidence, desperation, feeling like you have to “sell” yourself and your soul for a steady paycheck.
Last week, I had two conversations with colleagues actively engaged in the job search process and the two couldn’t have been more different.
“Bob” sounded like the quotes above. He’s discouraged. He lacks confidence. He’s questioning his abilities. He feels like he’s tried everything and still can’t find a new job. He feels isolated. He feels like a failure.
“Joe” on the other hand sounded upbeat. He believes that although he’s been searching for over six months and unemployment is getting close to running out, he will find something that he loves. He is 100% confident in his success. He’s got back-up plans to make money and pay the bills while he searches. He’s being creative about aligning his passions and his career. He is constantly talking to friends, family, and even near strangers about his ideas and opportunities.
This stark contrast got me thinking about what sets people apart in their job search. Both Bob and Joe are smart, qualified and experienced professionals. Yet something is different. I began to suspect that what makes you successful is not just what you’re “doing” but how you’re “being.” It seems to me that the success of your job search is highly related to, if not dependent on your mindset.
Our mindset is our attitude, disposition or mood. And often times, we aren’t conscious of the influence our mindset can have on our success or lack there of. You could be “doing” all the right things but showing up in a way that undermines your potential.
But how do we change it? How do we set ourselves up with a mindset that positively influences our job search success? How do we even realize what our mindset is at any given moment?
What stories do you have to share?
Is your mindset playing a role in your success?
Did you notice a moment when your mindset shifted from Bob’s to Joe’s?
How does it feel to be in these mindsets?
Less is More – Terminator Salvation
January 13, 2010
This post originally ran on June 9, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
You may be wondering what the movie Terminator Salvation has to do with living an extraordinary life. It’s simple really, when presented with limited options, our choice can be a gateway to the less than ordinary experience of deep appreciation and greater satisfaction.
My husband and I spent the past week at his family’s lake house in the Adirondack Mountains of NY. It was just the two of us taking some much needed time to recharge our batteries. We had little plans other than reading, walking, talking, hiking, kayaking, and enjoying the incredible nature and wildlife that surrounded us. But as Friday rolled around, we thought we’d head into town, mingle with other people and see a movie.
The Strand movie theater in Schroon, NY has one screen. It plays one movie a week and has 3 showings – Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 8pm. This weekend, it was Terminator Salvation.
I have always had a belief that more possibilities are better. It helps us to feel less trapped an
d more in control of where our lives are heading. But that belief was challenged this week at the movies. There I was, making the choice to see a movie I otherwise wouldn’t have (summer blockbuster action films are typically not my thing). Yet I can say I was truly happy in the theater watching Terminator Salvation and enjoying myself more than I would have had I had my choice of 16 different movies playing at 5 local theaters, at my choices of at least 100 different show times throughout the day.
Why was this I wondered? And then it hit me – sometimes less really is more. With all those choices typically in front of us, we have to make the perfect choice – that’s what all those options imply is attainable, right? We can’t be happy unless it’s the right theater, the right time and the right movie.
But I noticed sitting there at the Strand that night how the limit of choice allowed me to fully appreciate the little things about the experience. The friendly projectionist who also sold us our tickets, the $1 bottle of water, the restored art deco interior, the old piano up by the screen left over from the days of silent films, the conversations amongst us movie-goers (aka strangers) as we left the film. And I have to admit, I allowed myself to be entertained by the movie. Was it great film? Certainly not. But on that night, it was perfectly extraordinary.
I walked away with a reminder of a valuable lesson. Seeing possibilities and feeling at choice is not about collecting a laundry list of options and trying to find the perfect combination. Choice is about seeing what’s in front of us – even if it appears to be an undesirable option – and choosing how to be in relation with it. Happiness and satisfaction can come to us in the most unexpected of ways if we allow it.
Bring Less is More to Your Own Life
Where in your life or work are you stuck and feeling like you will never find the perfect choice?
How can you see the options in front of you with new eyes and appreciate the satisfaction they can bring you?