Today’s post is by Karen Richter of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC

I am once again struck by the relevance of one of Carly’s blog posts.  This time:  Retreats – A Nourishing Investment

Cohesive Outcomes runs outdoor retreats – we spend time focusing on nature, the calmness it instills in our inner beings, which in turn allows us to reconnect with what is truly important to us, etc.  So I obviously know and appreciate the benefits of a retreat.  I’m always up for a retreat!  What I didn’t stop to realize is that we can have little mini-retreats every day, without adding any additional time to our already too-full schedules.

I’ve been an on-again-off-again runner for years.  This spring I’ve become determined to become “on-again” once again. I’ve been enjoying sporadic runs whenever I can fit them in.  This morning was a little hectic at our house – our normal routine a bit rattled up because it was the last day of school after a weekend of graduation parties, etc.  After the morning chaos, I rushed out the door to get in a jog before it got too hot (it is scheduled to be in the 90s again today).  It was not until I drove the 5 miles to one of my favorite running spots (a biking trail through the woods along the lake) that I realized I forgot my Garmin Forerunner (a GPS-enabled sports trainer watch).  I’m not a competitive runner or anything – I’m actually very slow.  But I do enjoy keeping track of my progress – was I able to run the same distance in a shorter amount of time?  Did my average pace quicken?  Can I run the next mile quicker than I ran the last one?  How does this workout compare to last week’s?  How many miles have I run this month?  This spring?  This year?

So – this morning, I had forgotten my trusty tracking device.  Now, it was just me, the woods, and the sunshine sparkling on the water, the birds, squirrels, and the sound of my own breathing.  Instead of finding motivation from the competition against myself using my little running techno toy, I found myself completely relaxing and enjoying the total experience of the run.  I never realized the slight stress that was being added to my run with all the data and analysis.  But now I felt freer to simply run and enjoy.  I was connecting with my gorgeous surroundings, and with myself.  I felt so energized, so alive!  I found myself reflecting back on Carly’s blog post about retreats, and feeling so excited that I was benefitting from a retreat experience – without even planning it!

And when I got back to my car, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had arrived back earlier than I anticipated! (I can’t help but compete against myself…)  Without my trusty Forerunner telling me, I know I had a great run, with a quicker pace than usual.  And that makes sense.  When we are doing what we love, and focusing on the enjoyment of it, we can truly excel – with little or no effort!

This experience made it clear to me that a retreat doesn’t have to be an added activity – simply tack on some conscious awareness to activities you are already doing.  It can be as easy as leaving technology at home as you go for your morning jog.  Or clearing your head in the shower and getting really present in the moment.  Instead of thinking about all the things you need to get done today, listen to all the sounds around you.  Can you hear the birds outside over the din of the shower?  How does the sound of the water coming out of the faucet differ from the sound of the water hitting the shower curtain and floor?  How does the water feel as it hits your face?  As it runs down your skin?

Or maybe your mini-retreat happens as you walk down your driveway to get the mail.  Take a moment to enjoy the sun on your face (or the rain), the smell of the flowers, the sounds of the cars driving past and the kids laughing in the neighbor’s pool.  Think about all that you have to be thankful for.

It’s amazing the effect a mini-retreat, in just a few minutes, can have on your whole being!

Where are some places you can incorporate a mini-retreat into your day?

Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’.  As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.

Another fun and insightful blog posting brought to you by Tracy Sullivan.

Hello, my name is Tracy and I’m a recovering think-aholic…

I’ve been a think-aholic for as long as I can remember. At an early age I learned that if a little thinking was good, a lot was better…

Makes sense, right?

WRONG…

This belief led me to what I call “think-aholism”.

Think-aholism is my made up term for what happens when I get stuck in thought, it’s usually brought on by stress – a new job, a new relationship, no relationship, giving a presentation, a change in plans, speaking up for what I want, even getting a new hairstyle!

Over-thinking’s downsides include anxiety, moodiness, indecision as well as stagnation, not living up to your full potential and it generally saps the joy out of life.

Who wants that? Not me!!

I knew I was a think-aholic when I kept hearing….

“You think too much, that’s your downfall.”

“You over analyze everything too much.”

“You are being too hard on yourself.”

So why the tendency to over-think?

Am I “hard-wired” that way? Did I learn this from my parents? Is it hormones? Am I too cautious?  Afraid to make mistakes? It’s probably a combination.

You may have others reasons for your own over-thinking.

What I do know, is that over-thinking is a habit that can be broken.

One of the biggest culprits for me has always been fear. Fear of making a mistake, looking foolish, doing the “wrong” thing, people not agreeing with me. Also, if something doesn’t go as planned, I tend to ruminate about it – why it happened and what I should have done better, which keeps me stuck and in a down space– I call it analysis paralysis

When I’m paralyzed in thought it’s hard to find a solution or bounce back. It’s like I get lost in a maze of overly dramatic thoughts, get exhausted and lose steam. Then I’m suddenly in a bad mood. No fun for me or anyone near me.

Over the years though I have learned to recognize the signs and while there is no support group for us think-aholics, I have found a few things tend to snap me out of my think-aholic ways….

Break the cycle-

• Relax and let go- breathe, get up and just do something different – talk a walk, listen to music, clean your house… distract yourself.
• Get active – exercise is a natural mood lifter – it gets the blood flowing and often clears my head.
• Go outside – Being outside makes me feel more spacious and relaxed – often clearing my head and lifting my mood instantly.
• Note cards that say “STOP” on them – place them anywhere you look often – your office, your mirror, your car, your wallet – just looking at the word helps me shift my thinking to something else…
• Call a friend – run the problem past a friend who is a good problem solver, someone who is not an over-thinker like you – they will help you see things in a new light.
• Count your blessings – there is always something to be thankful for – I can always find something to be happy about… I’ve kept a gratitude journal near my bed for a few years and it’s been such a great practice – having the last thought before bed be a positive one has made a difference in how well I sleep and how I feel when I wake up.

“I’ve found that worry and irritation vanish into thin air the moment I open my mind to the many blessings I posses” -Dale Carnegie

Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuingblog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.

I try to do things right. But I’m beginning to see that the desire for perfection may just be another way to hide, not only our imperfections, but our true selves.

A perfect example:  To prepare to be a guest blogger for Carly, I wanted to read all of her blog posts again to ensure that I could step into her shoes, mimic her style, and provide a seamless transition for her readers/followers.  As I reread Carly’s blog posts, I found myself intimidated.  She writes so well.  Her words just flow.  There is such profound meaning in her words.  I found myself saying “I can’t do this.  Who am I to be writing?  No one wants to listen to me.  I can’t be Carly.”

Then her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post hit me right between the eyes.  Carly challenges us to shed layers of our false selves and to be authentic.  And here I was, trying to develop a whole new false self – the “Carly fill-in”, “Carly2”.  This blog post caused me to realize that I didn’t need to put up yet another layer of false self by trying to be Carly.  My desire to learn Carly’s style was simply a way for me to hide my true self – to protect myself from getting hurt if Carly’s readers didn’t love me and/or what I had to say.

The blog post also caused me to realize how much I admire when someone else reveals their true self. (Carly shares the “sense of gratitude” in her client’s eyes that Carly “was willing to be human with her”.)  I admire the courage it takes to open up and be vulnerable.  Even more, I am grateful when they are willing to share their authentic self with me – it tells me that they feel safe enough with me to let their inner-being show.  I feel honored that they trust me enough to place into my care, their emotional well-being.

It’s become clear to me that when we are only focused on our own emotions (especially feelings of insecurity), we are making the situation all about us.  We are not allowing the others involved in the situation to be trusted and honored by sharing with them.    We deprive them of those feelings of pride and satisfaction that come along when they feel someone trusts them with their most vulnerable self.

I am really taking to heart Carly’s blog about revealing our true selves.  Here I am – writing as Karen, not as Karen-trying-to-be-Carly.  I am using this blog as an opportunity to practice exactly what Carly shared with us – revealing our true selves.  And, let me tell you, it comes as such a relief!  It takes a lot of energy to play a role, to pretend to be something I’m not.  It is so freeing, and I feel the stress dissipating.  I am now much better able to go with the flow, and to trust in it.  And it is so much easier to simply write what is in my head, and not feel the need to put it through a filter and a translator so it comes out looking like something Carly would write.  I truly look forward to sharing more with you soon.

In her “Shedding Layers of the False Self” blog post, Carly asks many questions.  Continuing along that same train of thought, I pose the following questions:

• What’s holding you back from shedding the layers of your false self?
• How would it feel to honor others by showing trust and confidence in them?

To do: When you feel the need to hide your inner self, notice – who are you protecting?  Are you making the situation all about you?  How would it feel to instead think about the other person, and how honored and trusted they might feel if you opened up and revealed yourself to them?

Karen S. Richter loves helping others ‘find inner peace in parenthood’.  As the owner of Cohesive Outcomes, LLC (a company dedicated to enriching the lives of parents), Karen finds her own inner peace by getting outdoors to enjoy nature as often as possible, and living in her old (220+ years) farmhouse in Bucks County, PA with her husband, two children, 3 cats, and many chickens.

To Stay Balanced – Let Go.  Great metaphor for life, huh?

I was reminded of this recently while flipping through vacation photos from the most amazing vacation to the Galapagos Islands a few years ago.

On a two and half hour bumpy speed-boat ride, our guide told us to best way to stay balanced was to just let go – not hold on to anything, let go of the railings – even raise our hands up high if we felt like it – but holding on would make it worse – would cause more jarring and banging around. So we all did it knowing we still had a long way to go… Wow!!! He was right – it worked! We were not getting banged around as much and guess what? It was fun!!  Yep – imagine that, when we most wanted to hold on, we let go and that’s when we really started to have fun!! We were all laughing and having a great time instead of holding on to the railings for dear life… we all started to relax and roll with it all…really cool!

Instead of resisting the bumpiness, once we just let go and rolled with it, the ride was so much smoother AND we were able to stay balanced – literally, we were more balanced in our seats and figuratively in our perspective of the ride – it was more fun and felt smoother!

What an amazing metaphor for life I thought– I wanted to remember this life lesson – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect life experience. By literally and figuratively letting go – we found balance. Wow! It truly was one of those “a-ha” moments for me– I was laughing more, having a good time – versus being tense – “holding on” too tight… that’s when it hit me – this is how I want to live my life –I want to let go when I most felt like I wanted to hold on – when things got bumpy, when I got scared– I was going to let go more in my everyday life – not just on vacation–  I vowed to remember this experience and what it taught me –

Live each day like you’re on vacation — let go, laugh, roll with it, have fun!!

What can you do to make today feel like you’re on vacation?

Tracy Sullivan enjoys her life and career in Human Recourses in Bedminster, NJ. Tracy is also a Professional Certified Coach, having coached for 6+ years at Deloitte. Tracy is a continuing blog contributor sharing her own wisdom and experiences with others.

What drew you to your career field? I’ve been in Human Resources for over twenty years, and using (what I now realize are) coaching skills quite naturally for most of those years.  I gravitated to project management and then workshop facilitation and working with teams, helping them to strengthen their communication skills and become more productive and effective.

While I loved my HR career, I found myself in a place where many parents find themselves – feeling pulled in multiple directions, and living on auto pilot. I had too little time and energy to devote to all the conflicting priorities in my life, and ended up feeling a bit inadequate at them all.  I had a lot of wonderful things in my life to be thankful for, but I still had this nagging feeling of unhappiness.   I felt disconnected from my dreams.

Working one-on-one with a life coach helped me address these feelings of frustration and inadequacy.   I was able to better balance all the exciting activities I had going on in my life and became much less stressed and much more fulfilled.

I was so appreciative of the support skills I had learned through coaching, and ultimately decided to pursue a career in coaching. I realized my passion was not to just live my own life to the fullest, feeling fulfilled as a parent, wife, friend, etc., but to help others find that same fulfillment and inner peace in their own lives.

What is your specialty? I find my greatest satisfaction working with parents of school age children.  So often, parents feel out of control of their lives – they feel frustrated that their children are growing and changing so quickly.  It seems like as soon as they figure out how to best handle a certain developmental stage, the child moves on to a new stage.  Parents also struggle with a loss of identify due to being so focused on raising their kids.  They miss the closeness with their spouses (and friends) that they shared BC (before children).   It is such a joy to help these dedicated parents to rediscover themselves, their values, and their dreams, and to find ways to incorporate all this back into their lives.  This results in reduced stress, allowing room for more fun, happiness, and success.  I love my job!

What is your philosophy? I believe all individuals are naturally creative and resourceful and have the potential to transform themselves to live the life of their dreams.  Cohesive Outcomes, LLC offers support and simple, yet powerful, tools for parents to draw out their resourcefulness and creativity to create the nurturing environment and peaceful relationships they desire. Everyone has all they need inside of them to be a great parent, to raise their children with joy, compassion and meaning, and to have fun doing it!  Our job as coaches is to work alongside the parent to tap into those resources.

Interested in learning more or in contacting Karen?

Website: www.CohesiveOutcomes.com

Contact Info: Karen@CohesiveOutcomes.com, 610-346-9629

As readers of past blog posts know, my husband and I are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our first baby this month.  We’re only days away at this point and can’t be more excited!

This means some temporary changes for my coaching practice and blog.  I will be away from active coaching until October when I’ll be returning part time.  And since my days will consist of feedings and diaper changing for a few months, we’ll be having a Guest Blogger Series on Success Without A Suit.  Starting next week, you’ll have the pleasure of hearing from some of my favorite colleagues and clients.  They will share personal stories, insights, and tips that I’m sure you will all enjoy and benefit from.

If you need assistance or have a question while I’m away, please send me an email, as I will be checking periodically.  In addition, I have some fabulous colleagues lined up to provide support in my absence.

I promise to keep you all updated on the baby’s arrival.  Thank you for following my blog and newsletter!

See you all again in October!
Carly

I have  been a client of hers however this Monday, I partnered with Kathy to bring one of my clients to the barn for the experience.

And that’s what made my own breakthrough that day so unexpected.

Although the focus was on facilitating my client’s transformation, we each began our morning by setting intentions for the day. Without having preplanned it, the intention that came to me in the moment was to let go, to let loose and be silly; to be free and imperfect; to not care what I looked like or if I got it right or wrong; to just be open to the messiness of life and the curveballs it hurls our way.

It was in this mindset that I approached the day and the subtle synchronicity that followed took me a bit by surprise.

A late-morning exercise of pulling cards from the Free the Genie card deck beckoned me to “suspend my need for logic, data and practicality.” Was it a coincidence that this sounded a lot like the intention I set for the day? I was beginning to think not.

My curiosity was peaked, however these messages still didn’t mean much yet to me.  The knowledge of them was still in my head – I hadn’t experienced it with the whole of my body and begun “to know” them at a cellular level.

Not until the afternoon lesson and exercise.

Kathy walked us through the process by which we create a false self throughout our lives to protect our egos and how we can begin to recognize our authentic or true self and free it from the binds of the false self.  There are many ways the false self develops but the one that jumped off the page for me in flashing red lights was “energy is given to our image or how we look to others.”

A nervous giggle rose from my depths and my cheeks flushed with recognition and shame. How much energy do I still devote towards crafting my image and worrying what others think of me?  More than I care to admit I’m afraid.

Here I was, coaching my client through a shedding of her false self and I was still clinging to pieces of mine.  Do I admit it to her?  Do I share my weakness and vulnerability, my imperfection?

I thought back to my intention of the morning and from the depths of my inner being, the answer was clear.  Yes – I must admit it. And I did.  I choked on my words as they first began to emerge but they got stronger as they flowed.  I saw in her eyes a sense of gratitude that I was willing to be human with her.  That I wasn’t above or beyond her in some way but right there with her in the sometimes painful and messy journey of personal development.

And if that didn’t stretch me out of my comfort zone, what happened next certainly did.

Kathy turned to me minutes before we were about to begin and shared that due to some other activities happening at the barn that day, we had to adapt our afternoon exercise with the horses.  Although Kathy had planned to be the lead in coaching my client through the exercise (she was the certified expert after all), she now turned to me and said the only way it could be done was for me to take the lead.

The voice of fear (my false self) screamed in my head, “But I don’t know how to do this! I haven’t had time to prepare. You didn’t tell me I was going to have to do this. What if I do it wrong? What if I look stupid in front of my client and she wants to stop working with me?”

Then a tingle of excitement and anticipation spread throughout my body; a slight grin crossed my lips.  Here was my stretch for the day.  Here was my opportunity to live my intention.  Here was a chance to shed a layer of my false self and further allow my true self to see the light of day.

I stepped up and took the lead in coaching my client through the exercise.  Within moments, the world, the fears and the voice in my head fell away.  It was just her and I, connected on a deep level.  The questions I asked emerged from an unknown source.  All fell into place.  And not only did the horse we were working with recognize the connection and shift, but one by one the nearby horses stood and watched us.  They held the space for us and knew something of great importance was happening for the two of us.

I am so happy that the day was transformational for my client.  She confronted a block she’d been carrying with her for a while and was able to break through it.

And I am eternally grateful for the learning opportunity she provided me with that day.  I walked away a better coach and a more authentic version of myself. There’s one less layer of my false self remaining.

How have you shed layers of your false self?

Where is your false self still clinging on?

What can you do to shed another layer and allow your true self to emerge?

Retreat:

What is it about taking time away from your day-to-day routine that can be so energizing?  The way I see it, the off-site meeting at work, the training session, the yoga retreat, etc – they all rely on some key fundamental principles.

A mental and physical break from the daily grind: Our thought patterns and behaviors fall into habitual patterns. And while these patterns can be beneficial (take less conscious time and energy), they can also allow us to fall into stagnation. Creativity is stifled, perspectives become limited, and we lose some flexibility and adaptability.

Change in perspective: When we’re in a rut, our perspective begins to narrow and we only see what we’re used to seeing.  Getting away allows you to see the world with new eyes and notice what we had inadvertently become blind to.

Distraction-free environment: Our day-to-day lives are full of distractions – phone calls, email, instant messages, Facebook, a buzzing Blackberry, meetings, TV, taking the kids to practice, etc.  The list is endless.  A retreat allows you to put all of that aside for a short while. And with the distractions removed, our minds are free to quiet down and focus on what is before us.

Reconnection to potential and possibilities: No matter what type of retreat you are engaging in, there will likely be a spirit of new beginnings that permeates. Stepping away brings with it the hope of positive change and the expectation that we will find clarity and solutions.  We are connected with the energy of potential and our hearts and minds become open to the possibilities.

Investment in the future: By nature, taking time to break away from your routine implies making an investment in a more promising future state.  It is a time of learning and growth, of laying a strong foundation to build upon. You walk away with a new vision, new skills to try out in the “real world” and new awareness.

Knowing how valuable these days are to our spirit and success, I began offering private retreat programs to my coaching clients this year.  If these principles work for business planning meetings, training sessions, yoga or spirituality, why couldn’t they work for career discovery?

After our days together, I’m seeing the light return to my client’s eyes.  They have renewed hope and energy to make their dreams a reality.  They’re walking away with a new connection to their authentic selves, inspiring visions of what’s possible and action steps to take to bring their visions to life.  And then we’re spending our coaching time in the months following their retreats on building momentum, navigating unexpected hurdles and staying focused on the goal.

Taking time away from the day-to-day is essential in re-energizing, reconnecting and investing in a more fulfilling future.

When was the last time you took a day to yourself? What have your experiences with retreats been?

Yes and No are two sides of a coin. Each time we say Yes to something, we are in turn saying No to something else. And vice versa.

Many have written about this concept and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. What am I saying Yes or No to each day?  How conscious am I of making these choices? What are the consequences of these choices – both positive and negative?

I’ve found that increasing my awareness around what I say Yes and No to is a great place to start intentionally aligning my actions to support my values and capitalize on my strengths and passions.

And although this sounds simple, it can be a little tricky.

For example, a client recently shared her frustration of having no time to devote to finding a new career path. She knows in her heart that she cannot continue on her current path yet she isn’t making enough time to make the change.

Her list of excuses included a laundry list of things she had over-committed to in her professional and personal life. When we went through the list, each one of them seemed like she “kinda got roped into doing it.”  And most of them were generous and noble things to be involved in – helping to coordinate an event in her community, making the costumes for her daughter’s school play, helping out a colleague who needed extra hands on a project, taking care of a sick relative, etc.

For the most part, she didn’t want to be doing many of the things she committed to. But she saw little choice but to say Yes. She wants to be a good person and help others. But as a result of saying Yes to all these outside demands, she was saying No to herself and her happiness. And the more she continued to do these things, the more drained she got.  And the less she had to give others. She fell into a common trap – saying Yes to everyone else in the hopes that it will be enough to sustain us.

So how do you start making a shift?  How do you start saying Yes and No in a way that supports your happiness?

1. Notice: For one week, take note of all the moments when you have the opportunity to say yes or no.  Do this at work and at home.

2. Flip the Coin: For each Yes, write down all the things you have said No to as a result. For each No, write down all the things you have said Yes to.

3. Reflect: Assess the consequences of each of your choices.  How are they serving you? Are they allowing you to find long-term happiness? Are they allowing you to honor your values? Are they providing you ample opportunity to utilize your natural strengths to feel capable and effective? Are they allowing you to focus on self-care so you can make the contributions you desire?

These 3 simple steps: Notice, Flip the Coin and Reflect will serve to increase your awareness of the choices you have and how you make them. Being present in the moments of your life will allow you to intentionally shape the direction of your future.

What are your experiences with saying Yes and No?  How has it shaped your life and affected your happiness?

“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.” – John C. Maxwell

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.  -Dalai Lama

For many years, I heard about how adding meditation to your day could significantly increase your happiness, satisfaction and health as well as reduce stress.

At first, I wasn’t convinced. I just didn’t get it. I thought to myself, “I have no time to waste on meditation! I can’t sit still and do nothing for 30 minutes!!! And what is meditation anyway and how do I do it??”

Over time, when things started to get stressful at work and in my personal life, I began looking for a way to get through it. I slowly became open to the idea of meditation and began to learn about different techniques and try them out.

Although I’m not yet disciplined to have a daily meditation practice, my experience over the past several years has shown me how beneficial it can be. I have gone from frantic states to a sense of calm and inner peace.  In my work and in my personal life, I have seen how finding calmness in my inner world allows me to manage my external world.  My moods are more even, I am able to refresh and energize myself without caffeine, and I am able to be more efficient in my work.

For instance, this past week, the gray skies and constant rain were getting to me. Congestion and a sore throat had me tired and foggy-headed. Stress started to increase and focus started to decrease. I knew I couldn’t get through the rest of my day until I did something to change the course I was on.

So instead of listening to that old voice that said meditation was a waste of time and that I needed to just sit there until I got my work done, I stepped away from my desk for 45 valuable minutes.  I listened to my CD, Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace by Susie Mantell.  And I followed it with 15 minutes of stretching and using my Back Buddy to release tension in my neck and shoulders.

Forty-five minutes later, my perspective had shifted.  My neck pain and tension melted away.  I got back to my desk and there in my inbox were a few emails I had been waiting for and all contained good news. And I knocked off several items that had been lingering on my to-do list all week.  Plus I had enough energy to entertain the members of my book club that were coming over that night.

I know I have a long way to go to improve my meditation practice, but I suspect it will always be in my life. I guess that’s why they call it a practice.  It takes dedication to incorporate into your life and years to increase your skill and ability.  I thank all of you who encouraged me to try meditation and hope to inspire others to give it a try.

Do you meditate?

What are your favorite techniques? Do you have any favorite CDs or DVDs?

How has meditation made a positive difference in your life?

What inspirational stories do you have to give others out there reason to give it a try?

Or have you thought about meditation but were afraid to try?

“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.”    - Buddha