Do You Trust What You Know? – Intuitive Knowledge

January 13, 2010

This post originally ran on August 12, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.

I bounced over to Jaye, the 28-year old dark brown, wise and majestic mare, with curry comb and brush in hand. The instructions from my coach Kathy were simple – I had 10 minutes to groom the horse and notice what I was feeling. I was in good spirits that day at the barn. I’d been working on getting my life in order and the results were showing. How hard could this job be, I thought? But as soon as I started using the comb to release dirt, Jaye turned her head to look at me. What did that mean? Was she uncomfortable? A moment later when she backed away, ever so slightly, I got my answer.

A horse is a powerful mirror.

The smile and hop in my step were quickly disappearing. Jaye and I were both uneasy and agitated. I didn’t like it.  But I kept on going.  And finally as I passed behind her to groom her other side, something happened.  A deep breath entered my lungs without conscious thought.  A release swept over my body and there was a noticeable weakness in my knees.  I laid a hand on her to steady myself as I groomed with the other.  We fell into sync.  We were connected.

I knew instantly in that moment that Jaye had picked up on what was really going on with me before I did.  She saw through my positive exterior and instantly recognized the fear deep inside. Uh, oh. But as I checked in with the feeling, I realized the fear was there, but it wasn’t paralyzing.  It was that excited kind of fear; like when you’re on the brink of an amazing new journey.  Ahh!  So this is what I was meant to learn, huh?  This is what you were trying to make me see!

Jaye reflected my mismatched emotions back to me until I paid attention.  I wanted to hug her.  Her gift was powerful.  I felt warm, appreciative, known, accepted. I felt authentic, empowered, courageous.  I was ready to face my fears.

And then it happened.

I looked up at my coach, flashed a smile loaded with the message, “I am complete with Jaye; is it ok if I’m done?”  She smiled back giving no indication I had permission to stop.  My 10 minutes must not be up yet.  What do I do now?
So I ignored my gut and did what I was “supposed” to.  I moved back to Jaye’s right side and kept on grooming until my 10 minutes were up.  Those last two minutes were excruciating.  We got agitated again.  We lost our connection.  I suddenly felt I was on stage for my audience to critique.  I was doing it wrong.  I let Jaye down. I failed.  Everyone else was better than me.  I ran back to my seat as fast as I could when time was called.

As she debriefed with me, my coach Kathy challenged me, “Where else in your business or life do you stop yourself from acting on your intuition?  How has that held you back?”  Another participant of the workshop threw in another one,  ”Are you trying to be the “good girl” and do it “right” rather than taking authentic action?”

My mind raced through past experience where I ignored my intuition to disastrous results and those where I listened and although it felt risky, all turned out better than expected.

And almost like Jaye was still communicating with me from the barn, an opportunity to listen to my intuition showed up.  I had been in conversation with a colleague about collaborating on a project together.  On the surface, there was so much synergy that it seemed like a no-brainer.   But the more we talked about it, the more drained I got.  The more I felt trapped.
So during our next call, when the topic of how we’d work together came up, I took the chance and opened up.  I had fears.  I had reservations.  It doesn’t feel like the right time for me.  But I didn’t want to close the door to future collaboration.
Turns out the fears and doubts were mutual.  We had a great conversation and things are better than ever between us.  We’re finding other ways to support each other and keeping our eyes open for future opportunities to collaborate.  I think we may have even saved our friendship from potential damage.

Trusting your intuition can be a challenging task even if we know the rewards.

To strengthen your awareness and integrate it into authentic action, try these following steps when faced with your next decision:

Check in with your body. Notice any feelings, twinges or stiffness. What message is this trying to tell you?

Check in with your emotions. Are you feeling fear, vulnerability, anger, frustration, sadness?  Or happy, confident, empowered, clear, courageous?  What message are these emotions trying to tell you?

Take action. Building the muscles around trusting your intuition take practice.  Take a chance.  Act in a way that honors the messages you received from your body and emotions.

Reflect. Take time to reflect on how this new authentic action felt for you.  Did things blow up after you took the risk or was your risk rewarded with a pleasant surprise?  How will you integrate what you learned the next time you’re faced with a decision?

Please share your stories with us. We’d love to hear how you’re learning and growing!

PS Remember how I wanted to hug Jaye for the gift she had given me?  Well even though it felt like a silly request, before I left the barn that day, I shared my desire with Kathy.  She led me straight into Jaye’s stall and I wrapped my arms around her. Thank you, I communicated with my embrace; I’m grateful you were here to teach me.  And turns out it wasn’t so silly a request after all.  One by one, my fellow workshop participants stepped into the stall asking for their chance at a hug.

What’s life got to do with it? – Extraordinary Foundation

January 13, 2010

This post originally ran on July 30, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.

Has this ever happened to you? You had an unfocused, unproductive week at work and you couldn’t understand why!

That’s what happened to me last week. I thought I had everything in place – a 3-year business vision, annual goals, monthly revenue projections, a marketing strategy, monthly goals, daily and weekly action steps, two weekly calls with my accountability partner Phil…Yet I still couldn’t get out of my own way. I couldn’t manage to sit down and accomplish much. My attention wandered, I was distracted by email, doing laundry and waiting for the next post to pop up on Facebook. I was having trouble sleeping and was exhausted most of the day.

What was up? What kind of coach and role model was I being? I followed all the rules, implemented all the systems for success and still nothing could break me out of my unproductive funk.

Disturbed, I pulled out my journal and began to write down any thought that came into my head. Surprisingly, not many of them were work related. Here’s what came out on the page – I’ve been struggling with the chronic illness of a family member, worried about my husband and concerned how much longer he can endure working at his unfulfilling job while managing a job search in this economy, feeling guilty because I’ve been busy and out of touch with friend and family, worried about money, and frustrated that I haven’t finished my home office renovations yet.

My guess is a few of these ring true for you as well. So many of us push through the daily tasks of our work telling ourselves that we’ll get to our personal lives later, when we’re done with work. Yet work never quite seems to end and later keeps getting pushed off. And if you’re like me, when I don’t take time to focus on my personal life, honor what’s important to me and process my emotions, I feel like I’m on shaky ground, carrying a bag of rocks around with me through dense fog. And boy does it wipe me out trying to work while I’m carrying those rocks through the fog! Whether we’re conscious of it or not, our personal life is with us during our workday. The unresolved issues and unprocessed emotions take space in your brain; they mentally (and physically) wear you out and keep you from doing your best work.

As I’ve moved through my career, I’ve noticed my tolerance for pushing off my personal life has decreased as the impact it has on my professional success increases. I now see self-care as a top priority not only in having a high quality of life but also in my career success. If I don’t have the solid foundation of my personal life, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be fully present and successful in running my business.

So when it hit me last week that life was getting in the way of business, I took swift action. I made time for some self-care, I got in touch with friends and family, I talked to my coach, did some financial planning and finally got my home office together.
The energy shift was amazing! Not only do I feel good about the attention I paid to my personal life but in less than a week’s time, I’ve gotten many tasks off the work to-do list and several doors have opened to exciting and unexpected opportunities.
I am taking away a powerful lesson from this experience; a critical key to career success is making your personal life a priority. Taking time to care for yourself, process your emotions and nourish your relationships not only frees you from carrying that bag of rocks through fog, it also is a vital source of energy to accomplish nothing less than the extraordinary in your business and career!

What’s standing the way of your career success? What needs handling in your personal life? What support do you need to move forward?

Successful Job Searching – Extraordinary Mindset

January 13, 2010

This post originally ran on July 14, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.

“No one’s hiring.”

“There are so many people like me looking for a job.”

“No one’s gotten back to me.”

“I’m not qualified.” “I’m over qualified.”

“I’ll never find a new job.”

Sound familiar? Most people we talk to these days with are in career transition.
They’re out searching for the few available positions in a market flooded with many qualified candidates. The odds may seem stacked against you. The search can feel daunting and emotions can begin to swirl – lack of confidence, desperation, feeling like you have to “sell” yourself and your soul for a steady paycheck.

Last week, I had two conversations with colleagues actively engaged in the job search process and the two couldn’t have been more different.

“Bob” sounded like the quotes above. He’s discouraged. He lacks confidence. He’s questioning his abilities. He feels like he’s tried everything and still can’t find a new job. He feels isolated. He feels like a failure.

“Joe” on the other hand sounded upbeat. He believes that although he’s been searching for over six months and unemployment is getting close to running out, he will find something that he loves. He is 100% confident in his success. He’s got back-up plans to make money and pay the bills while he searches. He’s being creative about aligning his passions and his career. He is constantly talking to friends, family, and even near strangers about his ideas and opportunities.

This stark contrast got me thinking about what sets people apart in their job search. Both Bob and Joe are smart, qualified and experienced professionals.  Yet something is different.  I began to suspect that what makes you successful is not just what you’re “doing” but how you’re “being.” It seems to me that the success of your job search is highly related to, if not dependent on your mindset.

Our mindset is our attitude, disposition or mood. And often times, we aren’t conscious of the influence our mindset can have on our success or lack there of. You could be “doing” all the right things but showing up in a way that undermines your potential.

But how do we change it? How do we set ourselves up with a mindset that positively influences our job search success? How do we even realize what our mindset is at any given moment?
What stories do you have to share?
Is your mindset playing a role in your success?
Did you notice a moment when your mindset shifted from Bob’s to Joe’s?
How does it feel to be in these mindsets?

Less is More – Terminator Salvation

January 13, 2010

This post originally ran on June 9, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.

You may be wondering what the movie Terminator Salvation has to do with living an extraordinary life.  It’s simple really, when presented with limited options, our choice can be a gateway to the less than ordinary experience of deep appreciation and greater satisfaction.

My husband and I spent the past week at his family’s lake house in the Adirondack Mountains of NY. It was just the two of us taking some much needed time to recharge our batteries.  We had little plans other than reading, walking, talking, hiking, kayaking, and enjoying the incredible nature and wildlife that surrounded us. But as Friday rolled around, we thought we’d head into town, mingle with other people and see a movie.

The Strand movie theater in Schroon, NY has one screen.  It plays one movie a week and has 3 showings – Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 8pm.  This weekend, it was Terminator Salvation.

I have always had a belief that more possibilities are better.  It helps us to feel less trapped and more in control of where our lives are heading.  But that belief was challenged this week at the movies.  There I was, making the choice to see a movie I otherwise wouldn’t have (summer blockbuster action films are typically not my thing). Yet I can say I was truly happy in the theater watching Terminator Salvation and enjoying myself more than I would have had I had my choice of 16 different movies playing at 5 local theaters, at my choices of at least 100 different show times throughout the day.

Why was this I wondered?  And then it hit me – sometimes less really is more.  With all those choices typically in front of us, we have to make the perfect choice – that’s what all those options imply is attainable, right?  We can’t be happy unless it’s the right theater, the right time and the right movie.

But I noticed sitting there at the Strand that night how the limit of choice allowed me to fully appreciate the little things about the experience.  The friendly projectionist who also sold us our tickets, the $1 bottle of water, the restored art deco interior, the old piano up by the screen left over from the days of silent films, the conversations amongst us movie-goers (aka strangers) as we left the film.  And I have to admit, I allowed myself to be entertained by the movie.  Was it great film? Certainly not.  But on that night, it was perfectly extraordinary.

I walked away with a reminder of a valuable lesson. Seeing possibilities and feeling at choice is not about collecting a laundry list of options and trying to find the perfect combination.  Choice is about seeing what’s in front of us – even if it appears to be an undesirable option – and choosing how to be in relation with it.  Happiness and satisfaction can come to us in the most unexpected of ways if we allow it.

Bring Less is More to Your Own Life

Where in your life or work are you stuck and feeling like you will never find the perfect choice?

How can you see the options in front of you with new eyes and appreciate the satisfaction they can bring you?

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