Anticipation

March 17, 2010

Expect the best. The world is working in your favor.  -Cheryl Richardson

Two weeks from today will mark the one-year anniversary of when I left corporate America to launch my coaching business.  The past year has flown by and it’s hard to believe how different my life is.  I am fully engaged in meaningful and fulfilling work. I am taking care of myself and I have quality time with my friends and loved ones. Today, I’m filled with an appreciation of all I have and an anticipation of a richer, stronger future, and at the same time, I cant’ help but think of where I was one year ago.

The year leading up to my departure was a difficult one. Over the course of 12 months, I suffered two miscarriages, the second coming on the same day it was announced that the department I worked in was being dismantled (one of the many reorganization efforts to address the declining economic conditions.). Of my team of 50, 25 were laid off, 20 were asked to stay on temporarily to fulfill the team’s commitments and 5 were given new jobs.

I was one of the “lucky” five. But I didn’t feel so lucky. I didn’t want the role I was given (it was far from a good match with my strengths and interests) but I saw no choice but to take it. My visions of a future family and my career vanished in an instant.

At the time I was still reeling from my first miscarriage, so it’s an understatement to say I was in shock.  I couldn’t find my footing.  For the first time I could remember, I couldn’t see a way to process what was happening.

I couldn’t move on, so I threw myself into what I thought I did have control over.

I dove headlong into my new job and getting to know my new boss and team.  I scheduled test after test with my doctor to try and uncover the reason why I was losing my pregnancies.  I spent hours on the phone helping my colleagues manage their job losses.

The days turned to weeks and then to months and I hadn’t begun to process or grieve my losses.  I was numb. I had no confidence. I’d burst into tears at the slightest thing.

I knew for certain that the job was a bad fit and draining the last bits of energy I had left. The hours were grueling and I wasn’t sleeping well.  I developed TMJ and severe back and neck pain, and most painful of all, I saw how I was becoming more and more detached from friends and family. They were watching me disintegrate. But they didn’t know how to help and I didn’t know how to ask for what I needed.

Slowly, I began to confide in my coach and a handful of trusted friends and family members. I asked for guidance. It wasn’t easy, but I realized that what I needed was time to grieve and assess what was next.  I began to explore different options to get the time I needed. The more I learned about my options, the more I leaned towards taking a leave of absence.  It would give me the time to focus on my health and wellbeing in a way that didn’t jeopardize my job.

After what felt like weeks of paperwork, my medical leave was approved.  Over the next 9 weeks, I let myself grieve. I fully felt all of my emotions. I took time to heal my mind and body.  I reconnected with loved ones. And I took the time to re-evaluate the priorities and purpose of my life.

Gone were my innocent notions that I could easily start a family or that having a job at a big company meant “security.” That much was certain. But in its place I found this simple recognition:  life is short, and I deserve to pursue what makes me happy, healthy and fulfilled.

Those weeks allowed me to be comfortable with a thought that had been percolating for some time.  The time was here to leave the “safety” of corporate America to follow my passions and launch my own coaching business.  I would set out to help women like me navigate their career and life transitions.  And I would build a life centered around fulfillment, health, and authenticity.  I would become the role model I could be proud of for when the day came that I would be a mother.

I knew it was going to be challenging but deep inside I had an inner knowing and confidence that for the first time in my life, I was on the right path.

There have been ups and downs this past year but I am thrilled to share that there have been more ups than downs.  Like most couples, my husband and I worry about money but we take comfort in our ability to save and plan while building a strong and profitable business. And although we have had to sacrifice some of the material comforts we once took for granted, we have re-connected with the simple things that bring us joy in life.  Most importantly time with each other and with loved ones.

And best of all, I am doing work that I love, with people that I admire and am thrilled that I’m 21 weeks into a healthy pregnancy.

With great anticipation, I look forward to the days ahead and to my new role as a mother and emerging role as a successful business owner.  I know things will be tough in the future – life always has its ups and downs. But I now know that I can handle whatever comes my way with the support of my friends and family.

“I am happy for this day and I expect good things – surprise me!”

My 4 Favorite Career Change Books

February 1, 2010

For those of you that know me, you know that I’m a book junkie.  My bookshelves are overflowing and I am always looking for recommendations and scoping out my new options on Amazon’s used book list, the library or at my favorite local independent bookstore (Brookline Booksmith).

This week I thought I’d share with you the list of my current favorites around career change – a topic near and dear to all of our hearts.  Here are some that inspire me and helped me manage my own career change process (as well as those of my clients).

Escape From Cubical Nation: From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur by Pamela Slim – Pam Slim is a business owner, blogger and coach.  She spoke directly to my soul with her book (which grew out of her blog).  She can inspire even the most drained of us to take a first step towards escaping the gray walls of corporate America.  Not convinced, Pam has graciously made Chapter 1 available as a free download from her website, it’s worth the read.

The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris – love him or hate him, Tim Ferris is onto something.  There’s no sugar coating, there’s no hand holding.  This is a straight up, in your face challenge to get off the gerbil wheel and change your life dramatically.  I will admit I only know one person personally who’s packed up her belongings in storage to travel the world while she works remotely but even if you don’t want to go that far, this book made me think in a way no other had in a long time.

Now What? 90 days to a New Life Direction by Laura Berman Fortgang – Now What? is a classic.  Laura Berman Fortgang was one of the first coaches I know that talked about career change in this way.  Her book is practical, easy to use on your own, with your coach or with a group of other career changers.

Get Hired Now! A 28-Day Program for Landing the Job You Want by CJ Hayden – CJ Hayden knows how to set up simple and easy systems to make change.  As a long-time fan of Get Client Now! (for filling your business pipeline), Get Hired Now! is just as simple to use for managing your job search.  She gives you worksheets to use, suggestions to choose from and helps you build customized 28-day plans for getting that new job sooner rather than later.

There are many other great books on this topic. What are your favorite books that have supported you through a career change or job search?

Just Do It! Advice From Nike in 2010

January 27, 2010

I’m being haunted by a voice in my head.  The longtime slogan of Nike keeps ringing in my ears – JUST DO IT!

It seems to be my emerging theme for 2010.

As 2009 drew to a close, I began to notice in many of my clients, in myself and in those around me a collective “holding back”.  Action seemed to take a back burner during the holiday months as the fears of the economy mounted and frustrations of draining, unfulfilling work got the best of us.

For me, it showed up as a kind of paralysis.  My list of to do’s was long, yet each day I spent more time staring at my list than I did accomplishing even the most minor of tasks on it.  I knew I should be doing more yet there was this feeling of “waiting” that came over me.

“Why start something new now?” the voice questioned, “It’s the holidays. Take time off.  Don’t work so hard. Wait until January.”

Was this normal holiday haze or was it something different? The frustrating part for me was that I knew what I needed to do.  I had taken the time to plan.  I had taken the time to explore my fears and know what my blocks were.  But still, there was no action.

As I probed deeper, memories from my last December in corporate America came flooding to my mind and body. The exhaustion caused by the long hours and the push to get the last bit of work done before the holiday break.  I remembered my resentment at the late evening and weekend phone calls with my team that crept into my celebration and shopping time. And unconsciously there was this protective part of me that wasn’t going to let that happen this year now that I was my own boss.

But was I stuck in neutral in spite of myself?  Was I really protecting myself or was I hurting myself and my business? My guess is that I won’t know until more time passes and I have the clarity of hindsight. (I’ll keep  you posted.)

And despite the lack of clarity, something did shift for me.  In the days leading up to the New Year, the itch began to grow.  I started checking things off my list and getting excited to start work again.

And now that 2010 is in full swing, I am seeing the results of my new Just Do It! motto.  How am I doing it?  By following a few simple “rules” I’ve learned over the years.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post when I’ll share these simple tips.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you.  What was your energy like at the close of 2009?  Has that changed in 2010?  What are you doing to stay in action and move towards your goals?

Do You Trust What You Know? – Intuitive Knowledge

January 13, 2010

This post originally ran on August 12, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.

I bounced over to Jaye, the 28-year old dark brown, wise and majestic mare, with curry comb and brush in hand. The instructions from my coach Kathy were simple – I had 10 minutes to groom the horse and notice what I was feeling. I was in good spirits that day at the barn. I’d been working on getting my life in order and the results were showing. How hard could this job be, I thought? But as soon as I started using the comb to release dirt, Jaye turned her head to look at me. What did that mean? Was she uncomfortable? A moment later when she backed away, ever so slightly, I got my answer.

A horse is a powerful mirror.

The smile and hop in my step were quickly disappearing. Jaye and I were both uneasy and agitated. I didn’t like it.  But I kept on going.  And finally as I passed behind her to groom her other side, something happened.  A deep breath entered my lungs without conscious thought.  A release swept over my body and there was a noticeable weakness in my knees.  I laid a hand on her to steady myself as I groomed with the other.  We fell into sync.  We were connected.

I knew instantly in that moment that Jaye had picked up on what was really going on with me before I did.  She saw through my positive exterior and instantly recognized the fear deep inside. Uh, oh. But as I checked in with the feeling, I realized the fear was there, but it wasn’t paralyzing.  It was that excited kind of fear; like when you’re on the brink of an amazing new journey.  Ahh!  So this is what I was meant to learn, huh?  This is what you were trying to make me see!

Jaye reflected my mismatched emotions back to me until I paid attention.  I wanted to hug her.  Her gift was powerful.  I felt warm, appreciative, known, accepted. I felt authentic, empowered, courageous.  I was ready to face my fears.

And then it happened.

I looked up at my coach, flashed a smile loaded with the message, “I am complete with Jaye; is it ok if I’m done?”  She smiled back giving no indication I had permission to stop.  My 10 minutes must not be up yet.  What do I do now?
So I ignored my gut and did what I was “supposed” to.  I moved back to Jaye’s right side and kept on grooming until my 10 minutes were up.  Those last two minutes were excruciating.  We got agitated again.  We lost our connection.  I suddenly felt I was on stage for my audience to critique.  I was doing it wrong.  I let Jaye down. I failed.  Everyone else was better than me.  I ran back to my seat as fast as I could when time was called.

As she debriefed with me, my coach Kathy challenged me, “Where else in your business or life do you stop yourself from acting on your intuition?  How has that held you back?”  Another participant of the workshop threw in another one,  ”Are you trying to be the “good girl” and do it “right” rather than taking authentic action?”

My mind raced through past experience where I ignored my intuition to disastrous results and those where I listened and although it felt risky, all turned out better than expected.

And almost like Jaye was still communicating with me from the barn, an opportunity to listen to my intuition showed up.  I had been in conversation with a colleague about collaborating on a project together.  On the surface, there was so much synergy that it seemed like a no-brainer.   But the more we talked about it, the more drained I got.  The more I felt trapped.
So during our next call, when the topic of how we’d work together came up, I took the chance and opened up.  I had fears.  I had reservations.  It doesn’t feel like the right time for me.  But I didn’t want to close the door to future collaboration.
Turns out the fears and doubts were mutual.  We had a great conversation and things are better than ever between us.  We’re finding other ways to support each other and keeping our eyes open for future opportunities to collaborate.  I think we may have even saved our friendship from potential damage.

Trusting your intuition can be a challenging task even if we know the rewards.

To strengthen your awareness and integrate it into authentic action, try these following steps when faced with your next decision:

Check in with your body. Notice any feelings, twinges or stiffness. What message is this trying to tell you?

Check in with your emotions. Are you feeling fear, vulnerability, anger, frustration, sadness?  Or happy, confident, empowered, clear, courageous?  What message are these emotions trying to tell you?

Take action. Building the muscles around trusting your intuition take practice.  Take a chance.  Act in a way that honors the messages you received from your body and emotions.

Reflect. Take time to reflect on how this new authentic action felt for you.  Did things blow up after you took the risk or was your risk rewarded with a pleasant surprise?  How will you integrate what you learned the next time you’re faced with a decision?

Please share your stories with us. We’d love to hear how you’re learning and growing!

PS Remember how I wanted to hug Jaye for the gift she had given me?  Well even though it felt like a silly request, before I left the barn that day, I shared my desire with Kathy.  She led me straight into Jaye’s stall and I wrapped my arms around her. Thank you, I communicated with my embrace; I’m grateful you were here to teach me.  And turns out it wasn’t so silly a request after all.  One by one, my fellow workshop participants stepped into the stall asking for their chance at a hug.

What’s life got to do with it? – Extraordinary Foundation

January 13, 2010

This post originally ran on July 30, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.

Has this ever happened to you? You had an unfocused, unproductive week at work and you couldn’t understand why!

That’s what happened to me last week. I thought I had everything in place – a 3-year business vision, annual goals, monthly revenue projections, a marketing strategy, monthly goals, daily and weekly action steps, two weekly calls with my accountability partner Phil…Yet I still couldn’t get out of my own way. I couldn’t manage to sit down and accomplish much. My attention wandered, I was distracted by email, doing laundry and waiting for the next post to pop up on Facebook. I was having trouble sleeping and was exhausted most of the day.

What was up? What kind of coach and role model was I being? I followed all the rules, implemented all the systems for success and still nothing could break me out of my unproductive funk.

Disturbed, I pulled out my journal and began to write down any thought that came into my head. Surprisingly, not many of them were work related. Here’s what came out on the page – I’ve been struggling with the chronic illness of a family member, worried about my husband and concerned how much longer he can endure working at his unfulfilling job while managing a job search in this economy, feeling guilty because I’ve been busy and out of touch with friend and family, worried about money, and frustrated that I haven’t finished my home office renovations yet.

My guess is a few of these ring true for you as well. So many of us push through the daily tasks of our work telling ourselves that we’ll get to our personal lives later, when we’re done with work. Yet work never quite seems to end and later keeps getting pushed off. And if you’re like me, when I don’t take time to focus on my personal life, honor what’s important to me and process my emotions, I feel like I’m on shaky ground, carrying a bag of rocks around with me through dense fog. And boy does it wipe me out trying to work while I’m carrying those rocks through the fog! Whether we’re conscious of it or not, our personal life is with us during our workday. The unresolved issues and unprocessed emotions take space in your brain; they mentally (and physically) wear you out and keep you from doing your best work.

As I’ve moved through my career, I’ve noticed my tolerance for pushing off my personal life has decreased as the impact it has on my professional success increases. I now see self-care as a top priority not only in having a high quality of life but also in my career success. If I don’t have the solid foundation of my personal life, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be fully present and successful in running my business.

So when it hit me last week that life was getting in the way of business, I took swift action. I made time for some self-care, I got in touch with friends and family, I talked to my coach, did some financial planning and finally got my home office together.
The energy shift was amazing! Not only do I feel good about the attention I paid to my personal life but in less than a week’s time, I’ve gotten many tasks off the work to-do list and several doors have opened to exciting and unexpected opportunities.
I am taking away a powerful lesson from this experience; a critical key to career success is making your personal life a priority. Taking time to care for yourself, process your emotions and nourish your relationships not only frees you from carrying that bag of rocks through fog, it also is a vital source of energy to accomplish nothing less than the extraordinary in your business and career!

What’s standing the way of your career success? What needs handling in your personal life? What support do you need to move forward?

Extraordinary Support – A Dad Less Ordinary

January 13, 2010

This post originally ran on June 22, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.

Yesterday was Father’s Day and this year, my thoughts took me well beyond the requisite Hallmark card sentiment of love and thanks to the impact my dad has had, and continues to have, on me.

This winter as I considered leaving my safe and stable corporate life for entrepreneurship I was surrounded by many naysayers. But among all those negative voices, one rose above and kept me afloat.  And it usually began with, “so…I’ve been thinking…” Such simple words yet I’ve learned they carry with them a gift every time they’re uttered.

At a time when my fear of failure outweighed my desire for change, my dad said to me, “so I’ve been thinking…if you work with your clients to take risks and make big changes in their careers and lives, shouldn’t you be willing to do the same thing?”
I was blown over.  He nailed it.  This from a man that I had hardly given credit to for fully understanding my career as a coach. In one line, he said more to me and did more to boost my confidence in my decision than anyone had in the months leading up to that day.

Weeks later, his positive reinforcement continued. I got a call out of the blue – “so, I’ve been thinking…now is the right time for you to take this risk and see what you can make of it.  There is a lot of negativity out there but if you can help people get back on their feet you will be doing a great thing.  The world needs people like you helping out right now.”  When I enthusiastically agreed and shared my fear of failure, he said confidently, “You can’t fail, you can only learn from this.”  His confidence in me was like a safety net, a security blanket.  I was getting braver.

The week I resigned corresponded with my birthday.  A package arrived from my dad with two books in it. One was Home-Based Business for Dummies and the others was Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, M.D., F.I.C.S.  I immediately understood the Dummies book but was unsure about Psycho-Cybernetics. I assumed it was something “coachy” he found online and thought I would be interested in.

A couple days later he called to see if I’d gotten it.

“So, what do you think about Psycho-Cybernetics?”

Well, I flipped though it; it seems interesting.

“Did I ever tell you about this book?”

No.

“I read this book when I was 22 and it was the most influential book I’d ever read.  Its shaped the way I look at life ever since.  It’s about how your mindset is powerful and helps you be successful.  So I thought that since you were just starting out in your business, it was important for you to remember that.”

I could hardly comprehend what I was hearing. My eyes filled with tears.  Not only had he never mentioned this life altering experience but here he was sharing so simply and eloquently his key to a successful and fulfilling life.

My dad isn’t the kind of guy you’d say had a charmed life.  He grew up making due with what his two deaf parents could provide.  He spent over 30 years working as a repairman for Sears always knowing he was capable of more but too afraid to risk the home and life he was providing for his family.  Yet each day, he saw to it that he found something to enjoy.  A moment with my mom, a catch with my brothers, a chat with me about what I dreamed of becoming one day, a laugh with friends, a walk in nature.  What others may have seen as the life a blue-collar man was the life of a rich man to my dad.  It wasn’t lavish, it most likely wasn’t all he ever dreamed of for himself, but it was all he needed.

Consciously or not, my father taught me these lessons – the importance of my outlook, to trust in myself, to always see the positive and what can be done.   So instead of tickets to the ball game or an off the rack greeting card, this Father’s Day I want to say more than thanks.  I want him to have the acknowledgement he deserves.

As I stepped to the edge and made the leap with his supportive hand in mine, I knew I was not only fulfilling my lifelong dream but part of his as well. More than anyone, he helped make it possible.