Birthday Meanings and Celebrations
March 25, 2010
My birthday is next week and it’s got me thinking about the rituals we have for marking the occasion. This year, its one of those “big” ones (you know, the ones that end in either a 5 or a 0.) What does it mean? How do I celebrate?
I’ll admit that this year is no different than most; I’m filled with a little anxiety as the day approaches. “What do you want to do for your birthday?” my husband has started to ask. My typical response is, “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it much.” Life is busy and despite the fact that each year I want to give my birthday special attention, it usually approaches quickly and is gone before I know it.
What is it about birthdays? For me, I don’t have fear about getting older (although I admit I’m not happy with the increasing number of gray hairs or wrinkles I have.) My anxiety comes from wanting to find a significant way to mark the day. To properly acknowledge it’s meaning. But why do I have all these expectations weighing on me to mark it the right way? Do others feels this same way?
Meanings
What exactly is the meaning of birthdays? Why do we give them significance?I’m not sure I have the answers to those questions. These questions give rise to many others for me. Is it a celebration of the day we entered this world? Is it a day to mark that “I survived another year”? Is it recognition of the impact we’ve had in our lives? Is it just an excuse to eat, drink and be merry with friends and loved ones?
I’ve always thought of my birthday as the start of my new year – literally a day of rebirth for me. A day when I acknowledge that I’ve managed to make it through another year on the roller coaster of life; a day to take stock of all that I’m grateful for; a day to look ahead to what the next year of life has to offer. It’s a day that gives me new hope. Just as the tree and flower buds hold the potential of Summer’s abundance, the 29th of March holds the promise of 365 upcoming days to collect meaningful and fulfilling moments of life – to honor my values, to accomplish goals, learn and grow as a human being, to build new relationships and to strengthen old ones.
Celebrations
Big parties? Small intimate dinners or lunches? A cake with candles? Indulging in your favorite foods? A day of pampering? Getting away? Jump out of an airplane?
How to celebrate? This might be the part that causes the most anxiety for me. There’s something in me that feels like celebrating my birthday in a big way is self-indulgent. Like I’m making the assumption that others want to be part of celebrating “me.” But if its about marking all that the year has held for you and the promise of what’s to come, what’s better than surrounding yourself with love and spending the occasion with close friends and loved ones?
My guess is that they way you choose celebrate is all about the meaning you attribute to your birthday. This year, all I have planned so far is a home-cooked dinner with a small handful of close friends and family. I’m also giving myself the day off of work. I’d like to spend time outside in nature (weather permitting) and maybe partake in a little self-care by scheduling a much-needed haircut and maybe even a massage. Feels like a good plan but not sure it captures all that I’d like it to.
I’m very open to ideas and would love your help. What meaning does your birthday hold for you? What do you do to celebrate your birthday? Any favorite traditions you keep?
Look for Potential, Not Problems
January 11, 2010
This post originally ran on May 29, 2009 on the blog, Less Ordinary Living.
I’ve come to notice that in work and in life, we are often focused on solving problems. That’s what people are asking for when they come to us for advice and it’s how we feel we help them. Yet have you ever noticed how you can help someone resolve an issue only to have it come back over and over again? Or that someone comes asking for help with a problem only to react that that don’t like being ‘told what to do’.
What if we were to do something out of the ordinary? Change our approach? Go one step further, and give the people coming to us something bigger than they knew possible? Shift our perspective towards looking for potential vs. looking for problems? It would be a powerful new way to add value.
Let’s start with some definitions from The American Heritage® Dictionary
Problem: Any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty. Difficult to deal with or control.
Potential: Possible, as opposed to actual; the inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being. Something possessing the capacity for growth or development.
Here are two simple ways two can begin looking for potential:
1. Giving An A
In the book, The Art of Possibility, Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander share a simple way to shift perceptions that’s borrowed from the life lessons of grading students in class. What if everyone was an A student? How would you view them and shift your expectations of them?
In doing this you find yourself speaking to people not from a place of measuring how they stack up against your standards, but from a place of respect that gives them room to realize themselves. It gives others a possibility to live into versus an expectation to live up to. The freely given A expresses a vision of partnership, teamwork and relationship. Remember, you can’t change people, but you have the power to change the relationship between you.
TO DO: Every time you interact with people start off by giving them an A in your mind – set aside past interactions and any judgments you might have and credit them with the best intentions.
2. Listen for and point out the special gifts or talents others bring to their challenging situation.
Most of us just listen for what we need from others. Or we’re waiting for the opportunity to solve the problem and move on. This often leads us into seeing others as problems and puts them in a box – they’re wrong, we’re right; they’re broken and we have to fix them.
On the surface, it feels like solving their problem is what they want, what you should do. But if you dig deeper you will find that you have robbed them of knowing their power and their gifts.
TO DO: First, listen for the strengths the individual brings to the table. (For example, someone brings a very detailed and thorough approach to their work.)
Then point out these strengths to the person. (“Wow, it sounds like you have really done your homework and gathered a vast amount details around making this decision.”)
Lastly, reinforce their strengths and empower them to take action on their own. (“What do you know to be true based on all that you’ve gathered? What do you think is the best path to choose? What more, if anything, do you need to consider?”)
The people around us are creative and resourceful. Help them to know this and you will affect them profoundly in that moment and for much time to come. They will start to see themselves as potential and not problems. They will know their value and will become empowered to take ownership.
Your Call To Action: Shift your perspective from problems to potential; Grant an A to everyone you encounter. Look for and acknowledge their potential and watch what happens!