Retreat:

What is it about taking time away from your day-to-day routine that can be so energizing?  The way I see it, the off-site meeting at work, the training session, the yoga retreat, etc – they all rely on some key fundamental principles.

A mental and physical break from the daily grind: Our thought patterns and behaviors fall into habitual patterns. And while these patterns can be beneficial (take less conscious time and energy), they can also allow us to fall into stagnation. Creativity is stifled, perspectives become limited, and we lose some flexibility and adaptability.

Change in perspective: When we’re in a rut, our perspective begins to narrow and we only see what we’re used to seeing.  Getting away allows you to see the world with new eyes and notice what we had inadvertently become blind to.

Distraction-free environment: Our day-to-day lives are full of distractions – phone calls, email, instant messages, Facebook, a buzzing Blackberry, meetings, TV, taking the kids to practice, etc.  The list is endless.  A retreat allows you to put all of that aside for a short while. And with the distractions removed, our minds are free to quiet down and focus on what is before us.

Reconnection to potential and possibilities: No matter what type of retreat you are engaging in, there will likely be a spirit of new beginnings that permeates. Stepping away brings with it the hope of positive change and the expectation that we will find clarity and solutions.  We are connected with the energy of potential and our hearts and minds become open to the possibilities.

Investment in the future: By nature, taking time to break away from your routine implies making an investment in a more promising future state.  It is a time of learning and growth, of laying a strong foundation to build upon. You walk away with a new vision, new skills to try out in the “real world” and new awareness.

Knowing how valuable these days are to our spirit and success, I began offering private retreat programs to my coaching clients this year.  If these principles work for business planning meetings, training sessions, yoga or spirituality, why couldn’t they work for career discovery?

After our days together, I’m seeing the light return to my client’s eyes.  They have renewed hope and energy to make their dreams a reality.  They’re walking away with a new connection to their authentic selves, inspiring visions of what’s possible and action steps to take to bring their visions to life.  And then we’re spending our coaching time in the months following their retreats on building momentum, navigating unexpected hurdles and staying focused on the goal.

Taking time away from the day-to-day is essential in re-energizing, reconnecting and investing in a more fulfilling future.

When was the last time you took a day to yourself? What have your experiences with retreats been?

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.  -Dalai Lama

For many years, I heard about how adding meditation to your day could significantly increase your happiness, satisfaction and health as well as reduce stress.

At first, I wasn’t convinced. I just didn’t get it. I thought to myself, “I have no time to waste on meditation! I can’t sit still and do nothing for 30 minutes!!! And what is meditation anyway and how do I do it??”

Over time, when things started to get stressful at work and in my personal life, I began looking for a way to get through it. I slowly became open to the idea of meditation and began to learn about different techniques and try them out.

Although I’m not yet disciplined to have a daily meditation practice, my experience over the past several years has shown me how beneficial it can be. I have gone from frantic states to a sense of calm and inner peace.  In my work and in my personal life, I have seen how finding calmness in my inner world allows me to manage my external world.  My moods are more even, I am able to refresh and energize myself without caffeine, and I am able to be more efficient in my work.

For instance, this past week, the gray skies and constant rain were getting to me. Congestion and a sore throat had me tired and foggy-headed. Stress started to increase and focus started to decrease. I knew I couldn’t get through the rest of my day until I did something to change the course I was on.

So instead of listening to that old voice that said meditation was a waste of time and that I needed to just sit there until I got my work done, I stepped away from my desk for 45 valuable minutes.  I listened to my CD, Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace by Susie Mantell.  And I followed it with 15 minutes of stretching and using my Back Buddy to release tension in my neck and shoulders.

Forty-five minutes later, my perspective had shifted.  My neck pain and tension melted away.  I got back to my desk and there in my inbox were a few emails I had been waiting for and all contained good news. And I knocked off several items that had been lingering on my to-do list all week.  Plus I had enough energy to entertain the members of my book club that were coming over that night.

I know I have a long way to go to improve my meditation practice, but I suspect it will always be in my life. I guess that’s why they call it a practice.  It takes dedication to incorporate into your life and years to increase your skill and ability.  I thank all of you who encouraged me to try meditation and hope to inspire others to give it a try.

Do you meditate?

What are your favorite techniques? Do you have any favorite CDs or DVDs?

How has meditation made a positive difference in your life?

What inspirational stories do you have to give others out there reason to give it a try?

Or have you thought about meditation but were afraid to try?

“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.”    - Buddha

At first, I reflected on my own writing process, the fits and starts I go through writing blog posting and content for my newsletters, workshops, exercises and website. But after the initial chuckle of recognition wore off, I found myself reflecting on how getting started in writing is a lot like getting started in other parts of my career and life.

While I was reflecting, I picked up one of my favorite books, Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott and skimmed through the chapters. In my flipping, I found a quote I’d never noticed before.  Lamott references E.L. Doctorow who is quoted as saying, “writing a novel is like driving a car at night.  You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. “ The quote hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t help but whole-heartedly agree with Lamott’s remark that this was the best advice she ever got about writing and life.

Even if you only have a vague idea of what you’d like to do or where we want to go, get started.  Drive the first 200 feet and see where it takes you. See what your headlights illuminate in those first 200 feet. There may be a bridge-out that forces you to turn around or find a new path. There may be a crossroads that forces you to make a new choice.  But you might also find a road sign that says you’re on the right track.

My mind jumped back to Bolton’s blog, “The blank page. The blinking cursor.” They mock us when we’re trying to get started and can defeat us if we let them. Too often we believe that we have to know the whole story or the destination in order to write the first word or take the first step.

The same can be said of our careers.  For many of us, the blinking cursor is the daily grind of waking up and going to a job we detest.  The blank page is our deep desire of wanting a new direction but not knowing what our new destination is. We feel mocked.  Eventually we feel defeated.

But if we go back to the words of Doctorow, we can find liberation in them.  It’s not necessary to know the final destination.  Perhaps it’s not even possible to know exactly what the final destination is.  All we can do is shine those headlights and see what the next 200 feet reveal to us. Slow down. Explore. Take notes.

What clues can you find in what you see in front of you?

In what’s working and not working in your current job.

In what you like to do; dislike to do.

In what you’re passionate about.

In what you have a natural talent for (and what you don’t.)

In what your preferences are for the ideal environment that will nourish you and allow your best to shine.

Follow the signs.  Take it one exit at a time.  Correct your course along the way. Make a left turn if your attention is grabbed by something you like.  Trust that you will make it to your destination by progressing 200 feet at a time, no matter which direction you take.  You may find that the destination changes along the way.  That’s ok.  The key is to get started and keep taking it 200 feet at a time.

Action is the best way to overcome the overwhelming paralysis we can often feel when it comes to making a change in our careers and lives.

What are the next 200 feet of the road ahead revealing about your final destination?

Today’s post was written by guest blogger and my dear friend and colleague, Tracy Sullivan.

The 5:05 or the 5:12? I asked myself this question one ordinary weekday as I was planning my commute home from NY to NJ.

The 5:05 train will get me home faster. No need to transfer trains or wait on a cold platform. I’ll have to hustle, but I decided I can do it.

The next 30 minutes are a blur. I throw on my coat, strap on my backpack. My mission is to catch the 5:05. No one can stop me.  My breath quickens, my neck tightens, and my face is serious with a look that says “out of my way!”

Off I go – sprinting through the streets of lower Manhattan. With each step I’m lost in my thoughts –

“Will I make it?”

“Why won’t this person get out of my way?”

“Don’t they know I have to catch the 5:05???”

“Oh man I wish I had on my sneakers – these shoes are killing me!”

“I don’t know if I’ll make it! Tick-tock!”

“Damn – this sucks, I want to make the 5:05! 5:05! 5:05!!!”

I am so fixated on the time it’s as if I might vanish into thin air if I don’t make this 5:05 train.

Back to my racing thoughts, “what’s so important about this 5:05 train anyway?” My mind begins to shift – “Isn’t there another train right after? Wouldn’t it be easier to simply slow down, relax and just take the 5:12?”

Yeah, sure, that makes sense.

“But no, I REALLY want to make the 5:05 – I said that was the train I was going to take – damn it, I’m taking that train!!”

I’m almost there — out of breath, feet hurting, sweating, back aching, running down the stairs to catch the PATH train that will take me to the 5:05 commuter train.

Phew, I made it!! I congratulate myself for this amazing feat. But I soon realize the PATH train is not moving. It’s DELAYED!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!!! I realize after all that running and stressing out, I’m not even going to make the 5:05 after all.

Then the strangest thing happens… in an instant, I relax.  The option for the 5:05 was now off the table; the choice was made for me. I realize there was a 5:12 train all along and I would definitely make that train. I took out my iPod and let myself enjoy some tunes.

“Ha! This seems ridiculous!” I said to myself, “only now could I finally relax?!?!”

On the rest of my commute home I thought about other goals in my life and where I need to relax and let things be. That’s easy – the pursuit of marriage and children. Instead of putting pressure on myself to be married by “X” age, I need to give myself permission to enjoy the ride instead of worrying about “missing the train.”

So often we find ourselves focused only on reaching goals that we miss the point – it’s about the journey, not the destination. Life is about making the most of every day. Savoring and celebrating all that you can while you move closer and closer towards your destination/end-goal.

So, I thought to myself, how do I want to live my life? On the path of the 5:05 (struggle, stress and worry)? Or relaxed, happy and enjoying the journey to my destination via the 5:12 train?

Either way, I’ll still make it to my destination (later than I expected) but happier and more relaxed.  All I need to do is let go of trying to control when, where and how I’ll get there.

Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy. –Sarah Ban Breathnach

When Tracy Sullivan is not chasing down trains, she enjoys her life in Bedminster, NJ — good friends, a family she’s close to, and a career in Human Resources. She looks forward meeting the right guy to share that with, and in turn, to share his life, friends, and family.

The very appropriate theme of this year’s conference was Adaptation: Creating Opportunity on a Changing Environment.  And the morning’s keynote speaker embodied the theme perfectly.

Andrea Jung, Chairman and CEO of Avon stood out from the crowd of black, navy and tan suits in her signature pearls and red dress.  As CEO of Avon for the past 11 years, she is one of the most powerful and influential women in business. From the moment she stepped up to the podium and began speaking, her grace, humility and character had the audience captivated. Her words resonated with all of us and stayed with us throughout the day.  She shared her personal story and a few key lessons she learned from mentors and coaches throughout her career.

“Follow your compass, not your clock.”
Like many of us, Andrea Jung wants to make an impact with her work.  She shared how she had dreamed of joining the Peace Corp but did the “practical” thing and got a job out of college.  But that desire to make a difference and have meaningful and fulfilling work stuck with her until she found her way to Avon.

Not only is she able to put her business acumen and innovative marketing skills to work in reviving the image of “your grandma’s company,” but she is also able to stand behind an organization known for making an impact in the lives of women across the globe everyday.  Avon was one of the first, and still one of the few, companies that empower women to become entrepreneurs.  Women in all parts of the world are earning money for their families, learning computer skills (all of Avon’s ordering is now done online), and through their independence becoming role models for younger generations. Not to mention that Avon is almost as well known for its charitable work as it is for its products – who hasn’t heard of the Avon Walks for Breast Cancer?

Her choice to have meaning and find passion in her work was put to the test in 1997 when she was passed over for promotion to CEO.  Offers from other companies followed and she contemplated jumping ship.  An honest conversation with a mentor reminder her of her need and desire to have passion in her work.  Her mentor’s words, “Follow your compass, not your clock” helped her decide to stay on at Avon.  Passion in her work was more important that having a fancy title.  And that authentic and humble choice paid off. A short 20 months later, the job of CEO was hers.

“Fire yourself on Friday and rehire yourself on Monday.”
No matter what your role, there comes a moment in our careers when we need to look ourselves in the mirror and admit the path we’re on isn’t working and we need to change.  But as we know, its human nature to resist change and to shy away from admitting we’re wrong.  Jung faced this head-on at a critical moment in Avon’s history.  She had been CEO for almost 5 years and although the company was making significant strides in turning their image around, it needed to do more if it was going to succeed. Hesitant to admit the strategies she had implemented weren’t working as well as expected, she was stuck watching the company fall behind.

Finally, her executive coach did what not many were willing to do and challenged Jung to have new, fresh eyes for her business or move on.  He delivered the message in simple terms – ‘Fire yourself on Friday.  Go home and really think about what the business needs to succeed.  Hire yourself back on Monday in the new role as Turnaround Leader ready to make bold changes.’  And if she couldn’t do that, it was time to move on because she could no longer clearly separate herself from what the business needed to succeed.  Having new, fresh eyes allows us to clearly see what bold changes need to happen.

“Bloom where you are planted.”
Throughout our careers, even the best of us are plagued by a bout of impatience.  We want to move up the ladder quicker. We want to find the perfect role for us immediately. We want to make six (or seven) figures in our businesses.  And most often, that impatience serves us well in driving us to succeed. However, we sometimes need to be reminded that it takes courage and perseverance to “bloom where you are planted.”  This was a lesson Jung learned early on in her career.  She was a new grad from Princeton and desperately wanted to be doing important work. She was frustrated with the entry-level tasks her boss had her doing.  She even went home one day and declared to her parents that she was going to quit her job.  They reminded her of the need to start from the bottom and work your way up.  That its sometimes more courageous to persevere in your current situation.  And this lesson helped her build the foundation she needed for her later success.

What about these three lessons resonates with you?  What choices have you made at the defining moments of your career? What stories do you have to share?

Has this ever happened to you? You had an unfocused, unproductive week at work and you couldn’t understand why!

That’s what happened to me last week. I thought I had everything in place – a 3-year business vision, annual goals, monthly revenue projections, a marketing strategy, monthly goals, daily and weekly action steps, two weekly calls with my accountability partner Phil…Yet I still couldn’t get out of my own way. I couldn’t manage to sit down and accomplish much. My attention wandered, I was distracted by email, doing laundry and waiting for the next post to pop up on Facebook. I was having trouble sleeping and was exhausted most of the day.

What was up? What kind of coach and role model was I being? I followed all the rules, implemented all the systems for success and still nothing could break me out of my unproductive funk.

Disturbed, I pulled out my journal and began to write down any thought that came into my head. Surprisingly, not many of them were work related. Here’s what came out on the page – I’ve been struggling with the chronic illness of a family member, worried about my husband and concerned how much longer he can endure working at his unfulfilling job while managing a job search in this economy, feeling guilty because I’ve been busy and out of touch with friend and family, worried about money, and frustrated that I haven’t finished my home office renovations yet.

My guess is a few of these ring true for you as well. So many of us push through the daily tasks of our work telling ourselves that we’ll get to our personal lives later, when we’re done with work. Yet work never quite seems to end and later keeps getting pushed off. And if you’re like me, when I don’t take time to focus on my personal life, honor what’s important to me and process my emotions, I feel like I’m on shaky ground, carrying a bag of rocks around with me through dense fog. And boy does it wipe me out trying to work while I’m carrying those rocks through the fog! Whether we’re conscious of it or not, our personal life is with us during our workday. The unresolved issues and unprocessed emotions take space in your brain; they mentally (and physically) wear you out and keep you from doing your best work.

As I’ve moved through my career, I’ve noticed my tolerance for pushing off my personal life has decreased as the impact it has on my professional success increases. I now see self-care as a top priority not only in having a high quality of life but also in my career success. If I don’t have the solid foundation of my personal life, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be fully present and successful in running my business.

So when it hit me last week that life was getting in the way of business, I took swift action. I made time for some self-care, I got in touch with friends and family, I talked to my coach, did some financial planning and finally got my home office together.
The energy shift was amazing! Not only do I feel good about the attention I paid to my personal life but in less than a week’s time, I’ve gotten many tasks off the work to-do list and several doors have opened to exciting and unexpected opportunities.
I am taking away a powerful lesson from this experience; a critical key to career success is making your personal life a priority. Taking time to care for yourself, process your emotions and nourish your relationships not only frees you from carrying that bag of rocks through fog, it also is a vital source of energy to accomplish nothing less than the extraordinary in your business and career!

What’s standing the way of your career success? What needs handling in your personal life? What support do you need to move forward?

“No one’s hiring.”

“There are so many people like me looking for a job.”

“No one’s gotten back to me.”

“I’m not qualified.” “I’m over qualified.”

“I’ll never find a new job.”

Sound familiar? Most people we talk to these days with are in career transition.
They’re out searching for the few available positions in a market flooded with many qualified candidates. The odds may seem stacked against you. The search can feel daunting and emotions can begin to swirl – lack of confidence, desperation, feeling like you have to “sell” yourself and your soul for a steady paycheck.

Last week, I had two conversations with colleagues actively engaged in the job search process and the two couldn’t have been more different.

“Bob” sounded like the quotes above. He’s discouraged. He lacks confidence. He’s questioning his abilities. He feels like he’s tried everything and still can’t find a new job. He feels isolated. He feels like a failure.

“Joe” on the other hand sounded upbeat. He believes that although he’s been searching for over six months and unemployment is getting close to running out, he will find something that he loves. He is 100% confident in his success. He’s got back-up plans to make money and pay the bills while he searches. He’s being creative about aligning his passions and his career. He is constantly talking to friends, family, and even near strangers about his ideas and opportunities.

This stark contrast got me thinking about what sets people apart in their job search. Both Bob and Joe are smart, qualified and experienced professionals.  Yet something is different.  I began to suspect that what makes you successful is not just what you’re “doing” but how you’re “being.” It seems to me that the success of your job search is highly related to, if not dependent on your mindset.

Our mindset is our attitude, disposition or mood. And often times, we aren’t conscious of the influence our mindset can have on our success or lack there of. You could be “doing” all the right things but showing up in a way that undermines your potential.

But how do we change it? How do we set ourselves up with a mindset that positively influences our job search success? How do we even realize what our mindset is at any given moment?
What stories do you have to share?
Is your mindset playing a role in your success?
Did you notice a moment when your mindset shifted from Bob’s to Joe’s?
How does it feel to be in these mindsets?

You may be wondering what the movie Terminator Salvation has to do with living an extraordinary life.  It’s simple really, when presented with limited options, our choice can be a gateway to the less than ordinary experience of deep appreciation and greater satisfaction.

My husband and I spent the past week at his family’s lake house in the Adirondack Mountains of NY. It was just the two of us taking some much needed time to recharge our batteries.  We had little plans other than reading, walking, talking, hiking, kayaking, and enjoying the incredible nature and wildlife that surrounded us. But as Friday rolled around, we thought we’d head into town, mingle with other people and see a movie.

The Strand movie theater in Schroon, NY has one screen.  It plays one movie a week and has 3 showings – Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 8pm.  This weekend, it was Terminator Salvation.

I have always had a belief that more possibilities are better.  It helps us to feel less trapped and more in control of where our lives are heading.  But that belief was challenged this week at the movies.  There I was, making the choice to see a movie I otherwise wouldn’t have (summer blockbuster action films are typically not my thing). Yet I can say I was truly happy in the theater watching Terminator Salvation and enjoying myself more than I would have had I had my choice of 16 different movies playing at 5 local theaters, at my choices of at least 100 different show times throughout the day.

Why was this I wondered?  And then it hit me – sometimes less really is more.  With all those choices typically in front of us, we have to make the perfect choice – that’s what all those options imply is attainable, right?  We can’t be happy unless it’s the right theater, the right time and the right movie.

But I noticed sitting there at the Strand that night how the limit of choice allowed me to fully appreciate the little things about the experience.  The friendly projectionist who also sold us our tickets, the $1 bottle of water, the restored art deco interior, the old piano up by the screen left over from the days of silent films, the conversations amongst us movie-goers (aka strangers) as we left the film.  And I have to admit, I allowed myself to be entertained by the movie.  Was it great film? Certainly not.  But on that night, it was perfectly extraordinary.

I walked away with a reminder of a valuable lesson. Seeing possibilities and feeling at choice is not about collecting a laundry list of options and trying to find the perfect combination.  Choice is about seeing what’s in front of us – even if it appears to be an undesirable option – and choosing how to be in relation with it.  Happiness and satisfaction can come to us in the most unexpected of ways if we allow it.

Bring Less is More to Your Own Life

Where in your life or work are you stuck and feeling like you will never find the perfect choice?

How can you see the options in front of you with new eyes and appreciate the satisfaction they can bring you?

I’ve come to notice that in work and in life, we are often focused on solving problems. That’s what people are asking for when they come to us for advice and it’s how we feel we help them. Yet have you ever noticed how you can help someone resolve an issue only to have it come back over and over again? Or that someone comes asking for help with a problem only to react that that don’t like being ‘told what to do’.

What if we were to do something out of the ordinary?  Change our approach?  Go one step further, and give the people coming to us something bigger than they knew possible?  Shift our perspective towards looking for potential vs. looking for problems? It would be a powerful new way to add value.

Let’s start with some definitions from The American Heritage® Dictionary

Problem: Any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty. Difficult to deal with or control.

Potential:  Possible, as opposed to actual; the inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being.  Something possessing the capacity for growth or development.

Here are two simple ways two can begin looking for potential:

1. Giving An A

In the book, The Art of Possibility, Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander share a simple way to shift perceptions that’s borrowed from the life lessons of grading students in class.  What if everyone was an A student?  How would you view them and shift your expectations of them?

In doing this you find yourself speaking to people not from a place of measuring how they stack up against your standards, but from a place of respect that gives them room to realize themselves.  It gives others a possibility to live into versus an expectation to live up to.  The freely given A expresses a vision of partnership, teamwork and relationship.  Remember, you can’t change people, but you have the power to change the relationship between you.

TO DO: Every time you interact with people start off by giving them an A in your mind – set aside past interactions and any judgments you might have and credit them with the best intentions.

2.      Listen for and point out the special gifts or talents others bring to their challenging situation.

Most of us just listen for what we need from others.  Or we’re waiting for the opportunity to solve the problem and move on.  This often leads us into seeing others as problems and puts them in a box – they’re wrong, we’re right; they’re broken and we have to fix them.

On the surface, it feels like solving their problem is what they want, what you should do.  But if you dig deeper you will find that you have robbed them of knowing their power and their gifts.

TO DO: First, listen for the strengths the individual brings to the table.  (For example, someone brings a very detailed and thorough approach to their work.)

Then point out these strengths to the person.  (“Wow, it sounds like you have really done your homework and gathered a vast amount details around making this decision.”)

Lastly, reinforce their strengths and empower them to take action on their own.  (“What do you know to be true based on all that you’ve gathered?  What do you think is the best path to choose?  What more, if anything, do you need to consider?”)

The people around us are creative and resourceful.  Help them to know this and you will affect them profoundly in that moment and for much time to come.  They will start to see themselves as potential and not problems.  They will know their value and will become empowered to take ownership.

Your Call To Action: Shift your perspective from problems to potential; Grant an A to everyone you encounter.  Look for and acknowledge their potential and watch what happens!