I bounced over to Jaye, the 28-year old dark brown, wise and majestic mare, with curry comb and brush in hand. The instructions from my coach Kathy were simple – I had 10 minutes to groom the horse and notice what I was feeling. I was in good spirits that day at the barn. I’d been working on getting my life in order and the results were showing. How hard could this job be, I thought? But as soon as I started using the comb to release dirt, Jaye turned her head to look at me. What did that mean? Was she uncomfortable? A moment later when she backed away, ever so slightly, I got my answer.

A horse is a powerful mirror.

The smile and hop in my step were quickly disappearing. Jaye and I were both uneasy and agitated. I didn’t like it.  But I kept on going.  And finally as I passed behind her to groom her other side, something happened.  A deep breath entered my lungs without conscious thought.  A release swept over my body and there was a noticeable weakness in my knees.  I laid a hand on her to steady myself as I groomed with the other.  We fell into sync.  We were connected.

I knew instantly in that moment that Jaye had picked up on what was really going on with me before I did.  She saw through my positive exterior and instantly recognized the fear deep inside. Uh, oh. But as I checked in with the feeling, I realized the fear was there, but it wasn’t paralyzing.  It was that excited kind of fear; like when you’re on the brink of an amazing new journey.  Ahh!  So this is what I was meant to learn, huh?  This is what you were trying to make me see!

Jaye reflected my mismatched emotions back to me until I paid attention.  I wanted to hug her.  Her gift was powerful.  I felt warm, appreciative, known, accepted. I felt authentic, empowered, courageous.  I was ready to face my fears.

And then it happened.

I looked up at my coach, flashed a smile loaded with the message, “I am complete with Jaye; is it ok if I’m done?”  She smiled back giving no indication I had permission to stop.  My 10 minutes must not be up yet.  What do I do now?
So I ignored my gut and did what I was “supposed” to.  I moved back to Jaye’s right side and kept on grooming until my 10 minutes were up.  Those last two minutes were excruciating.  We got agitated again.  We lost our connection.  I suddenly felt I was on stage for my audience to critique.  I was doing it wrong.  I let Jaye down. I failed.  Everyone else was better than me.  I ran back to my seat as fast as I could when time was called.

As she debriefed with me, my coach Kathy challenged me, “Where else in your business or life do you stop yourself from acting on your intuition?  How has that held you back?”  Another participant of the workshop threw in another one,  ”Are you trying to be the “good girl” and do it “right” rather than taking authentic action?”

My mind raced through past experience where I ignored my intuition to disastrous results and those where I listened and although it felt risky, all turned out better than expected.

And almost like Jaye was still communicating with me from the barn, an opportunity to listen to my intuition showed up.  I had been in conversation with a colleague about collaborating on a project together.  On the surface, there was so much synergy that it seemed like a no-brainer.   But the more we talked about it, the more drained I got.  The more I felt trapped.
So during our next call, when the topic of how we’d work together came up, I took the chance and opened up.  I had fears.  I had reservations.  It doesn’t feel like the right time for me.  But I didn’t want to close the door to future collaboration.
Turns out the fears and doubts were mutual.  We had a great conversation and things are better than ever between us.  We’re finding other ways to support each other and keeping our eyes open for future opportunities to collaborate.  I think we may have even saved our friendship from potential damage.

Trusting your intuition can be a challenging task even if we know the rewards.

To strengthen your awareness and integrate it into authentic action, try these following steps when faced with your next decision:

Check in with your body. Notice any feelings, twinges or stiffness. What message is this trying to tell you?

Check in with your emotions. Are you feeling fear, vulnerability, anger, frustration, sadness?  Or happy, confident, empowered, clear, courageous?  What message are these emotions trying to tell you?

Take action. Building the muscles around trusting your intuition take practice.  Take a chance.  Act in a way that honors the messages you received from your body and emotions.

Reflect. Take time to reflect on how this new authentic action felt for you.  Did things blow up after you took the risk or was your risk rewarded with a pleasant surprise?  How will you integrate what you learned the next time you’re faced with a decision?

Please share your stories with us. We’d love to hear how you’re learning and growing!

PS Remember how I wanted to hug Jaye for the gift she had given me?  Well even though it felt like a silly request, before I left the barn that day, I shared my desire with Kathy.  She led me straight into Jaye’s stall and I wrapped my arms around her. Thank you, I communicated with my embrace; I’m grateful you were here to teach me.  And turns out it wasn’t so silly a request after all.  One by one, my fellow workshop participants stepped into the stall asking for their chance at a hug.

Yesterday was Father’s Day and this year, my thoughts took me well beyond the requisite Hallmark card sentiment of love and thanks to the impact my dad has had, and continues to have, on me.

This winter as I considered leaving my safe and stable corporate life for entrepreneurship I was surrounded by many naysayers. But among all those negative voices, one rose above and kept me afloat.  And it usually began with, “so…I’ve been thinking…” Such simple words yet I’ve learned they carry with them a gift every time they’re uttered.

At a time when my fear of failure outweighed my desire for change, my dad said to me, “so I’ve been thinking…if you work with your clients to take risks and make big changes in their careers and lives, shouldn’t you be willing to do the same thing?”
I was blown over.  He nailed it.  This from a man that I had hardly given credit to for fully understanding my career as a coach. In one line, he said more to me and did more to boost my confidence in my decision than anyone had in the months leading up to that day.

Weeks later, his positive reinforcement continued. I got a call out of the blue – “so, I’ve been thinking…now is the right time for you to take this risk and see what you can make of it.  There is a lot of negativity out there but if you can help people get back on their feet you will be doing a great thing.  The world needs people like you helping out right now.”  When I enthusiastically agreed and shared my fear of failure, he said confidently, “You can’t fail, you can only learn from this.”  His confidence in me was like a safety net, a security blanket.  I was getting braver.

The week I resigned corresponded with my birthday.  A package arrived from my dad with two books in it. One was Home-Based Business for Dummies and the others was Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, M.D., F.I.C.S.  I immediately understood the Dummies book but was unsure about Psycho-Cybernetics. I assumed it was something “coachy” he found online and thought I would be interested in.

A couple days later he called to see if I’d gotten it.

“So, what do you think about Psycho-Cybernetics?”

Well, I flipped though it; it seems interesting.

“Did I ever tell you about this book?”

No.

“I read this book when I was 22 and it was the most influential book I’d ever read.  Its shaped the way I look at life ever since.  It’s about how your mindset is powerful and helps you be successful.  So I thought that since you were just starting out in your business, it was important for you to remember that.”

I could hardly comprehend what I was hearing. My eyes filled with tears.  Not only had he never mentioned this life altering experience but here he was sharing so simply and eloquently his key to a successful and fulfilling life.

My dad isn’t the kind of guy you’d say had a charmed life.  He grew up making due with what his two deaf parents could provide.  He spent over 30 years working as a repairman for Sears always knowing he was capable of more but too afraid to risk the home and life he was providing for his family.  Yet each day, he saw to it that he found something to enjoy.  A moment with my mom, a catch with my brothers, a chat with me about what I dreamed of becoming one day, a laugh with friends, a walk in nature.  What others may have seen as the life a blue-collar man was the life of a rich man to my dad.  It wasn’t lavish, it most likely wasn’t all he ever dreamed of for himself, but it was all he needed.

Consciously or not, my father taught me these lessons – the importance of my outlook, to trust in myself, to always see the positive and what can be done.   So instead of tickets to the ball game or an off the rack greeting card, this Father’s Day I want to say more than thanks.  I want him to have the acknowledgement he deserves.

As I stepped to the edge and made the leap with his supportive hand in mine, I knew I was not only fulfilling my lifelong dream but part of his as well. More than anyone, he helped make it possible.